This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Lady_Stardust]

Been doing okay with the heat, but probably because I’ve been able to go swimming! Honestly it’s not that big of a deal about not getting your license. There’s so many public transport options and really, it’s better for the environment. (:

I can relate, yeah. Holidays are okay if I’ve got something to do each or almost each day. Otherwise I get bored and sad. Today I’m not feeling well because I didn’t sleep. I look awful. 😞

[Lady_Stardust]

Also been battling the Pointlessness Dragon today. He’s sitting on my self-worth and will to carry on. I will continue on, but slowly and reluctantly. I am safe.

[quirkywords]

Hello all,

Lady that Pointless dragon does get around. I am glad you are safe. Did you drop down suddenly or has it been building. Let me know how you are today..

How is everyone, I am interested in how you all are.

If you are not feeling the best, I am here for a chat if you feel up to it.

Quirky

[velvetfaerie]

I have been quiet here a lot. I started to get overwhelmed last year in life, and on multiple BB threads. 🙂

I broke down in early December. Went full tilt in life for 3 years and i CRASHED. I am still exhausted and need a big break. From everything. I am in full PMS mode so everything is amplified at the moment. I just want to cry. Hide. Make myself feel better. Must be the PMS dragon.

I am ok. Just want more of me alone personal selfish time. No adulting. Holidays. Adventures. Discoveries. No selfish people using me. I have accommodated a lot of these people enough the last few months. Drained.

Hi everyone. I have missed you.

V.

[Loula]

Hi guys sorry about being away. Just lots of thinking and organising. Good news is my schedule is 100% back to normal! I made it with only one sick day!!!! A few close ones but I got through it.

Qurikywords your right about the over dramatic of tv. I've spoken to close friends and family and they all agree I have bipolar. I saw my doctor the other day and he's so excited how well I'm doing. The puzzle of the medication is pieced together nearly. I only have to see him every second month now or if hell breaks lose. Haha I don't drive to! I'm going to start learning now though as the new medication dose not make me feel like a zombie. How have you been anyway? And relax pfft hate when people say that!!!!

issi I know it sucks applying for jobs especially after you studied. It took me over 6 months to get a job. I had interviews at my dream places and didn't get them and I would cry. But then all of a sudden I was offered the job I have now and I 100% believe I didn't get the other jobs as this is where I am meant to be. Most nicest staff and support team and I love working. So trust me the perfect job will come along.

Hey lady_stardust! That's no good your not sleeping great. I go through that as well. I'm really strict and put myself in bed at 9pm even though my brain is active till 1/2am lol. But after a while with routine I start to get a better sleeping pattern. I don't like your not happy at home. I really relate to that. Can you ask your family my bedroom is my place please knock but do it when they are and you are calm to not cause world war 3? Oh I love a road trip. When I'm at my low my husband puts me in the car and we just drive. Also tell that dragon to get a new hobbie because you are worth everything!!!

Hey Vevetfaerie, dam PMS!!! It makes me literally the worst person in the world. The only one semi good thing about it is my uncontrollable need for chocolate. I fully understand the tiered feeling. Your body is emotionally wreched. It takes time to heal. I've been in that situation. One thing though when you start to feel semi ready get some fresh air. As we all know when we are healing we can get a bit comfortable. You don't want to push yourself til you get ill but you need a goal. Me I trained for a marathon and went to all the art galleries in the city on my own to get use to the sound of humans. Hope your start feeling like you soon.

Hope you all are enjoying your holidays x

[quirkywords]

Big hello to everyone especially those reading this for first time, welcome,

Velvet,

We have missed you too. Thanks for the update but sorry things have not been so well. I hope you get more of the me time- not selfish just self caring and elf preservation.

Big hugs

Loula,

Thanks for your comments. So pleased schedule is back to normal. I am glad the medication is finally working. Good luck with the driving. You are a very caring person thinking about the people here and giving helpful comments. That is much appreciated.

What holidays!! Like you this is my busy time!!

Quirky

[Lady_Stardust]

Hey, everyone.

quirky, I think it was building for a couple days and then it just sort of boiled over. My mum helped me through it, she sat with me while I cried for like half an hour or so and then she took me for a drive. I also find that having something sugary helps sometimes? Maybe it’s that when I get stressed it does something to my blood pressure, not sure. I’m okay now, though. 😌 Thank you for your concern, and you too, Loula! ❤️

velvet, I’m so sorry to hear how things have been for you, that’s terrible. 😞 Self-care isn’t selfish, don’t feel bad for taking care of yourself. I know it’s hard, but the more we practice it, the better we’ll get.

Loula, so glad that your schedule is back to normal! And well done on the sick day and getting through it all. :3 Relating to sleep schedule, I really should do that. I’m not strict enough with myself. 😕 Unfortunately I could never tell at least my dad to knock before entering room. He has this whole thing about it being his house and my asking/saying anything is rude even if I feel it’s innocuous. I don’t know. 🙄

Thank you! The dragon slumbers today - I hope that he sleeps on and on and even dies. Fingers crossed, eh? And yes, good luck on the driving!

Hopefully not too busy, quirky - take time out for yourself when you can. :3

[velvetfaerie]

Hi Loula ! I will race t=you to the chocolate LOL. 😄

I am exhausted upon exhausted. So many friends have been going through very serious life issues. Break ups. Serious legal accusations of terrible horrible destructive natures. Incarcerations. Court battles. Attempts on their own lives. General family drama. Businesses being sabotaged by nasty vindictive people. And my BF last night gets assaulted in his own home by his meat head exes meat head son. WILL IT EVER STOP?

Me? I just want rest. Sleep. Recharge. Coffee. Chocolate. Hash browns. Skittles. Gym to work it all off. And my PMS to rack off. I have it and I am not afraid to use it!

At the moment self care is vital. I cannot carry the weight of everyone's stuff all at once plus try to carry on with my life and career. Some of these friends are only interested in me when they need support. So I have started to ignore some of them now. No I will not go to your home sales party thing. I am not a counsellor or bank account.

I personally have no issues apart from a very itchy healing tattoo. 😄

MMMMMMMMMM sugar.

Velvz.

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone

Lady_Stardust

Thanks for letting us know how you are.

I am glad your mum helped and the dragon sleeps forever.

Velvet,

Doesn't it always happen that everyone has problems all at the same time.

I hope you get some time to yourself and can set boundaries and get lots of rest and chocolate.

A friend is there to give support as well as get it.

Quirky

[velvetfaerie]

chocolate.

all the chocolate.