This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

More often than not, in my humble opinion and experience, a "use disorder" is more often than not a symptom, not a cause.

But hey, that's me.....

[Steve007]

Hi Velvet - we agree. However it is just our 'opinion' which is the trick here because not all people think the same. My old saying:
"Opinions are like ar**holes, everyone has one. Now, should we continue to remove pants and compare yours with mine?"
I say this because in some other thread this exact thing happened to me last night. To be clear, i respect everyone has their own opinion, agenda, beliefs etc etc in life. All good, no problems with me. But don’t rock up with your inappropriate behavior/ opinions and tell me right from wrong (crap words BTW), tell me what to do and finally, answers to MH are not 'simple'. Go somewhere else where you can state your inappropriate opinions. Plenty around who will gladly read your opinions, where it is appropriate too.

Well, all that 'understanding and respect' flys out the window when someone acts in this inappropriate manner, especially in a ‘space’ that I enjoy and appreciate with others with others. I’m an old bloke and fortunately such inappropriate behavior and words, if directed at me is ‘water of a ducks back’ these days. However, I really feel for those young AND old who do not have the same casual dismissal of daggers thrown.
Last night I had the good ’ol statement/ opinion I’ve probably heard 25 million times now. The all too familiar (I Paraphrase as follows);
“…sorry to be the first one to tell you mate (original thinking. superiority. demeaning) ….. but you are now the captain of the ship (learnered analogy/ wiser/ listen to me/ demeaning) …. So you just have to stop drinking (original thinking. wisdom.saviour. demeaning. shame. guilt. stupid)…….. I had a bit there where I relied on stimulants to get me through a tough time (self-justification. understanding. common bond. disarm) …….. and I gave it up because blah blan balh and it was as easy as that. You should …(wisdom.shame.guilt.superior.easy.stupid) …. “. On and on, didn’t really read much of it. As mentioned, heard it sooo many times. It isn’t original, he is not superior, his situation/ experiences are not the same as mine, not all things in life are as simple as flicking a light switch, one’s moral compass, intestinal fortitude and will-power are not relevant either. Anyway, in the context of my TPD Insurance Claim. Unfortunately, people like this are part of society, can’t change their thinking nor actions. I must simply be aware that such people may well (likely) become involved somewhere along the Claim process. As to ‘right or wrong’. Well as close we will get and THE only Authority on these matters is the DSM-5-TR. Mental Health Bible worldwide. Updated in 2022 with deliberate intent better reflect current thinking, current credible knowledge, changes in Society, new diagnosis categories etc etc. Rather than engage in any argument with that member, i would simply suggest they read the DSM-5-TR then come back and discuss. I didn’t post back to him. For entertainment, I might find the thread and post that simple reply 😁😁

[quirkywords]

Steve 

sorry you received cliched comments. I hoped thst over the 50 years since I received my first label that things had changed. Alas I still get people telling me to get over myself, to stop being self absorbed  and to be positive and to stop overthinking.  Everyone experiences life differently. Thanks for your  honesty and many reading will be nodding their heads after reading your post.

[Steve007]

That’s around the same timeframe as me. Received my first ‘label’ and marginalized and ridiculed since around age 6y.o.Same base theme, just different presenting issues. Same base theme for the next 50 years, just with a ‘diagnosis’ or 5 now. Which makes no difference anyway.

It really helped me enormously to hear all that life advice for 50 years or so, over continuously changing and accumulating presentations. So glad everyone had the answers to all my life issues and if I did not do what they demanded we shall exile you! Forever! It’s simple Steve, just stop doing xyz. It’s easy as that. Don’t you understand English? WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU!!! SIMPLY STOP IT STUPID!! …. Blah blah.

Yep, I’m over it these days. I’m 99% sure everyone has copped the same garbage for a short time or lengthy. Last real life shouting/ screaming/ hysteria was only around 6mths ago. Finally I have shut everyone of those people out of my life 💯 now. I am who I am, If you don’t like it? Well that’s your problem, not mine. I never think about the 100’s of them again. I’m pretty sure they think about me though, constant center of rumor, disgust, hatered and all that. Yet no-one to let it on now 😂😂😂

[Airies]

A week or so of struggling to sleep. Awake at midnight, 3 am on most nights and then sitting in front of tv and staying awake. No amount of excercise is making a difference. Something has to give. I’m constantly flipping. See what happens over the next few nights. 

[velvetfaerie]

Broken sleep sucks. Hot weather sucks.

Arrogant, grossly understaffed, underpaid, stolen wages workplaces also suck.

Refuse to communicate? Watch me refuse to try and read your mind and then act.

I've played this abusive game before. Eat me.

I can't wait for the weekend!!!!

[asdff]

Airies I get the changes in sleep patterns too. I try and keep to a sleep routine and have others comment when I say I need my sleep. They don’t understand that us bipolar people need to sleep. 

like Velvet I concur the heat sucks. Where is the mild Autumn Weather? 

We are at the stage of parenting where our children use the house like a hotel! By the age one of ours is, I was a year away from being out of home. Independent no one doing my cooking, cleaning and life admin. There is no thanks and the eldest is rather mouthy, a bit like their mother 🤣.

[velvetfaerie]

Watching a colleagues intense issues, and I mean serious ongoing issues, with her daughter, makes me so happy I couldn't/didn't have kids. I am definitely sympathetic towards anyone having any parenting issue. 

It looks to be a very tough gig. 

Kids these days, (hahaha, I am officially old), also have a tough gig in my opinion. 

I hope my employer is going to be fair and reasonable over the coming weeks.

Hah yeh I laughed too. 😂

[asdff]

Yeah V I definitely have those days where I wish I didn’t have them. Reason one is I didn’t know I had Bipolar and there is a genetic factor. I’ve had many many many thoughts about do my kids have it. I could rant and rave about them but I won’t. 

Thank goodness it’s not hot today! Still humid well it was in the gym. I’ve not really been outside to test the temp. I hope all of your days are okay. I’m just trying to get to bedtime for me.

[velvetfaerie]

I'm cranky.

I am sick of people in positions of power lying and gaslighting.

Since when has supply and demand worked independently of each other? Why does the logic change depending on the resource?

Mad I tell ya! MAD!!!