This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Ivan0491]

Hi All

What is it like going back to school Kaz?.

8k run around Melbourne zoo sounds epic, well done Mallow.

This week has been a struggle just can't seem to crawl out of the dark pit I find myself in.

Anyways hope you are all having a great weekend

Regards

Ivan

[Kazzl]

Hi everyone! Just a quick post - I have to get ready for work!! 😄

Hi Ivan - gaahh, sorry you're in a pit mate. We all know what that feels like - crap. Keep looking up, you'll find the ladder in time. Meanwhile, we're here, sitting with you. Has anything in particular sent you down, or do you think it's one of those truly crap mood swings that happen for no apparent reason?

Hiya Dottie hun - sadly yesterday's afternoon nap gave way to four hours of ironing, my least favourite thing to do. But at least I'm organised. Anxious as hell, but I'll look good haha.

Gotta go - love to all, I hope you have a good day and a cool breeze blows through your hair.

Cheers

Kaz

xx

[velvetfaerie]

Have a great day everyone. 🙂

Thank you for all my virtual hugs and kind helpful words.

I am not coping this am. No apparent reason. My uterus has been playing up bad this cycle as well. Am i alone with this regarding stress, (physical and emotional).... and being bipolar?

Seeing Dr today. Scared as.

Positive note = I baked cupcakes yesterday and in each one I shoved a Lindt chocolate ball. 🙂

C.

xx

[Guest_322]

Hi everyone,

Ivan, the pit is awful. Like many others here, I've been in the dark pit too and it's a sad, lonely place.

Chae, I hope your dr appointment went smoothly. You sound (understandably) worried about seeing him/her.

I'm assuming you're talking about the menstrual cycle re: uterus comment ha, ha. Well, my mood plays up during that time although it's not related to bipolar (as I don't have bp). And those Lindt chocolate cupcakes sound delicious!

But on a more serious note, you also sound like you're having a rough time. I think it's frustrating when you can't pinpoint a reason. Hopefully it eases up soon.

Kaz, well, I'm sure your ironing marathon paid off today. Crisp clothes- nice! How did classes/work go today?

Take care everyone.

Dottie x

[velvetfaerie]

Thanks Dottie

the cupcakes are total calorie fest evil yummmmm

Dr went well. She's great. Just waiting on text results.

I'm not sleeping ATM even though I've taken something to help me sleep. Racing heart. The bf situation took a huge unexpected turn last night. I'm in shock. Total game changer.

I'll explain later when I'm more together.

Thanks for being there.

xx

[Kazzl]

Morning folks

Sorry to hear you're not sleeping Chae, that sucks. I hope you get some peace soon and the bf situation has changed for the better, one way or another.

Hiya Dottie - thanks for asking about me hun. Work was excellent, but I came home absolutely exhausted, and with the head hamster in overdrive. I think I'm going to really enjoy it but getting back into the routine is going to take some getting used to.

Hey Ivan - how are you today mate? Hope you're emerging from that pit.

Hope everyone else is well and good.

I think I'll be a bit steamrollered this week, so if I'm not around don't worry, I'll probably just be collapsed on the couch unable to string words together LOL. It's all good though.

Love to all

Kaz

xx

[Guest_322]

Hi everyone,

Chae, anytime.

I'm glad you have a good dr on board. Waiting for test results can be nerve racking...

Sleep deprivation is awful- it messes with our mind and body.

The turn of bf events sounds completely unexpected. Head spin maybe.

Kaz, I'm happy to hear work is going well although the hamster wheel sounds draining. No worries at all, you rest up and settle into your new routine at your own pace.

Everyone else, I hope the week has been okay. I know some of you are having a hard time at the moment- thinking of you.

Dottie x

[velvetfaerie]

The steamroller found me too..... Just keep swimming right?

Kaz - how'd the ironing go? Lol.... I'm allergic to it myself....

uhoh I better go....... Running late argh!!!!!!

ill return soon.....

xx

[Lady_Stardust]

Evening, everyone.

Sounds like we're doing it tough recently - that really sucks. I hope the heaviness takes a hike ASAP for anyone experiencing it. Just remember that the winters can seem long and dark, but it'll always give way to spring, yeah? Echo velvetfaerie - just keep swimming. Not getting enough sleep is terrible; has anyone tried sleep relaxation clips on Youtube? I don't use them, but my mum swears by them. Maybe give those a go? And this is somewhat unrelated (but really, everything is related when it comes to the mind/body) but I hope everyone is getting enough water and eating healthily and regularly. Sometimes when the down mood makes an appearance, it's hard to find the strength to look after yourself, but it's so important. ❤️

Guess what I did today? I had something of a pre-interview, where I met with a woman who acts as a middleman of sorts with a company I'm trying to get a job with, and she's going to help me with that! Hoping it leads to a job. I had to go to the doctor beforehand and my doctor was running late, so the nurse - seeing that I was borderline panic attack - got the patients ahead of me to agree to let me see the doctor first. That helped a lot in preventing a panic and I'm very grateful to the nurse/patients/doctor, who were really under no obligation to help me out in that way. (:

[velvetfaerie]

quick message from the train.....

I have used the YouTube relaxation things. They are awesome!!! I forgot about them so thank you for reminder!!! I get daft when I'm having an episode.

I'll keep you in my thoughts re the job prospect!! Gives me a happy focus ATM.

I had a big panick attack too at dr Monday so my empathy ...

xx