I’m back and I need support

[Chicken_Wings]

I haven’t posted in a long time. I haven’t exactly been “well” the whole time, but I’ve been pretty good. It seems though that I’m starting to experience another low.

There are a number of things which seem to have lead to the feelings I’m having right now.

My mum has been diagnosed with cancer and it’s terminal.

I’ve just had another birthday, the older I get the less I look forward to them as they remind me of what I haven’t done.

Just came back from a trip to see mum (who used to be my go-to support person) and I can see she’s gotten worse. I don’t feel it’s fair any more to ask her to be my shoulder when I need one as she has enough on her plate.

Ive noticed that she is beginning to use me as her emotional support which means I put effort into appearing positive for her.

My boyfriend is not very helpful with my anxiety and depression as he also has anxiety and deals with it completely differently.

I feel like these things have built up on me a bit and now I’m feeling tense and anxious. I’m scared and sad and feeling isolated.

My fear is manifesting itself into pyhsical symptoms now. I’m not eating that well and I feel like my brain isn’t as quick as it has been, like I can’t keep up.

I kind of just need to tell someone these things and hopefully hear that it’s ok to feel this way. That this is temporary and that with effort I can feel like myself again.

[Chicken_Wings]

I hope it passes for both of us too cakeboss.

I know I won’t just wake up one day and be better, but it’s frustrating to slide back in my progress.

I left work a little early today and Ive cried. This hasn’t happened for a little while. I had a few sad thoughts sneak back in as well.

I feel quite alone. I just sent a message to my dad cause I haven’t heard from him in a couple of weeks even though he knows I’m not well right now. Id really really love to feel someone reach out to me and just check I’m ok. So that I can tell them I’m not and they can tell me it will all be ok in the end.

More than anything I want to feel like someone wants to protect me.

I hope your councilling appointment is helpful.

[BballJ]

Hi Chicken Wings,

I have had so much going on in my personal life that I can totally relate to you just wanting someone to reach out to you and see how you are. I have been doing the same thing, waiting for people to reach out and ask if I am ok, end of the day, we cannot control what others do, but I will say to you, that things will get better, I don't have an exact time frame but they will, as they will for me as well. These feelings of being sad come with the nature of mental health and I'd be lying if I said I had not broken down a few times this past week. That is our way of letting it out though which is a good thing.

My best,

Jay

[Chicken_Wings]

Thank you so much Jay,

Its hard being in this bubble by yourself. I know I will get there, but hearing (or reading) someone else saying it can be really helpful.

Today is better than yesterday and I hope tomorrow will be better again.

I had a cry last night and then slept. I didn’t really want to get up, but I did.

[Chicken_Wings]

I hope everyone is doing ok today.

Today is so far going better than previous days. I had an ok sleep, but I still feel a bit tired.

Im not sure if it happens to other people but sometimes being anxious makes me feel warm. So when I feel warm because of the weather it makes me anxious.

I feel like I’m dealing with my worries better and not stressing out so much about my anxiety. But I would love to get back to where I was a few days ago.

[Chicken_Wings]

I cried at work today which isn’t ideal. I’m having a few unhelpful thoughts too. I feel frustrated because I was doing well and I feel like I’ve slipped backwards.

I don’t have a particularly great appetite but I’m forcing myself to eat.

I want someone to give me a hug. But I can’t keep crying. I have to stay strong. I’m trying really hard and I will continue to try hard.

I went for a walk after work, even though I didn’t want to.

I don’t know how long till someone might see this. But maybe reminding myself to keep going will help?

[Ggrand]

Hello Chicken Wings,

Im so really sorry Hun that you have been crying.. I also want to apologise for not posting earlier to you..I have really hit rock bottom these few days, and I can't find a way out. My Pysch visits are getting increasingly hard and are hurting me deep, I'm here with you now as helping people when I'm like I am now helps me..But I needed to let you know that I hear you.

Awe sweetie, I would love a hug so much..I'm needing one so much but have no one here, so please let's give each other a hug..🤗🤗.

Im so proud of you for trying hard not to cry, but it's okay to cry.. Good girl for trying to eat a little more, .. I just came back from a walk ..it's 1.39 am.. It's a nice night tonight..I'm going to make a cuppa now and sit down out on my veranda and have a cup of tea.. We donslip backwardscat times but we will rise above it again. You have amazing strength and insight to you MH..

CW..always know that I care and listen..

Kind thoughts

Grandy..

[Liana7]

Hi Chicken Wings, you are not alone, so many people understand how you feel here and i am one of them. I've been well for a long time but i found out yesterday that my husband need a major operation for suspected cancer and I am totally devastated, panic attacks very frequent again. I cant even go to work, feels like your anxiety just terrorise, takes away your mental and physical strength.

[Moonstruck]

Can I join in here, to say its sort of comforting to know there are others who know how it feels. So much of what you all have said I too have shared and relate to. I was sailing along ok until out of the blue I became disoriented and "lost" driving at night in my hometown I know so well....because my usual intersection was closed for detour and I had to go in a different direction...how and why could this happen? I have no answers.

I explained it more fully on my thread in "long time support over journey" section. Grandy I often need a hug too and there's no one here - so I have plenty to give you and CW it's nice to meet you.

Does anxiety sometimes leading to panic ever get cured completely? Can we get rid of our anxiety once and for all and forever? Or do we have to live with it and try to manage it as best as possible? Surely we deserve better....we're all good nice people....we deserve better don't we?

[Ggrand]

Hello CW, Moonstruck, Liana, and everyone.

Its great with me moonstruck and Lianna if you both join our conversations, it would make us proud, oh yes we are huggers here especially me..even though they virtual hugs, they feel so real because they have been given from the heart, into the computer cables and right out the other end to us..so please join us for a hug. You to Lianna,

I have seen you around moonstruck, I will try and find your thread and come talk to you if that's ok..

Awe Lianna sweetheart, it's so understandable how you would be feeling knowing your husband needs major surgery, I'm really so very sorry about that..I would like to support you if thats okay..Do you have a thread and if so what's the topic please only if you want to tell me..

Cw.. How is your day going today,?. I hope it's a little better then yesterday.

Kindness only

Grandy..

[Chicken_Wings]

What a wonderful flurry of activity.

Liana I’m so sorry about your husband. I understand how hard it is to hear something scary about someone you love. I wish you strength and courage.

Grandy it’s lovely to see you back. I’m sorry to hear things haven’t been so great. But you are still pushing forward and that’s what it takes. You are doing it Grandy.

Welcome Moonstruck. I’m glad you’ve come. I don’t know if there is a ‘cure’ but I know I can go long periods of time without having panic or anxiety. I know it can be done.

Today started off relatively well for me. I’m just now beginning to feel a little off. I’m going to go and find something to eat. Maybe the walk will make me feel better too?

I’m meant to be going out tonight but I’m a bit scared.

I wish every one of you strength today. I’m sending you a hug and some hope. None of us are truly alone in this.