Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

[CMF]

Wow, this was meant to be 'my' year. A new year, a fresh start, a year to focus on what i want to do and where i am headed but i have hit a brick wall and can't break through. Single mum 3 kids. My little one has more kinder sessions so i have 3 days with about 4 hours free. With kids at school/kinder, this was my plan and how i wanted to spend my time i was excited/positive up until last weeks:

Do a few odd jobs around the house, fix a few things, big clean up;

Join a gym, do yoga for relaxation, walk every day - take care of me

Do an online course or some short courses so i can think of going back to work next year when she starts school. I could do something i really enjoy, a new career.

Maybe do some casual work or start a little business from a hobby

How i feel now:

Don't know where to start,anxious, guilty for not doing anything with my free time yet

How will i juggle 2 teenagers and a preppie and work all on my own next year?

If i work next year who will look after the little one on school holidays? I don't want to use school holiday programs when she is in grade prep. The thought makes me sick.

Maybe i should sell the house, just get rid of the mortgage and rent and be free ( i have this thought every month around pmt time) but where would i go and would i be renting forever? I feel overwhelmed with mortgage and bills, just like everyone i guess. Am i running away from responsibility, am i lazy?

I feel i have to be doing something all the time, feel guilty if i take time out (i was fine first week of kinder, this started second week I feel guilty not working, Scared I'll get in trouble for not doing anything yet and for having free time. The course i wanted is too expensive but i can look at other options.

I feel like a lazy mum, bad example to set for my children.

I'm anxious and depressed. i look at others with their families and how they are happy and going out and going away because they can afford to.

Am i crazy for being like this? Am i a lazy person? I had it all planned out, what happened, why have i now fallen like this? I saw a positive future, upgrade my skills, get out there and be something now i cant see it anymore.

I've lost my direction. People have said to give myself time to adjust to having some free time and to take a break and then rethink what i want to do but i'm panicking, like i'm wasting my time and i cant get going. I don't deserve anything i have.

Thanks for reading

cmf x

[CMF]

Thanks rx

I wish happiness for you. I really do. I think you should make the trip. Something is better then nothing...right?

Cmg x

[CMF]

Well. Sis found out today that the bf/ex bf was seeing someone else. She didn't want to call M as he is away so she called me. We chatted about it for a bit, the red flags, things she wasn't comfortable with in the relationship. She admitted she didn't love him. It was like 2 friends chatting, it was nice she was comfortable calling me in M's absence. I told her there were things I didn't like about him but that's me,not my place to interfere but she wishes I had said something esp as the woman who did my card reading was spot on about him. The woman who does her readings was wrong so I told sis to ask me next time. She also commented M is oblivious, he thinks everyone is nice. She said she used to warn him about his ex wife too but he was oblivious to things. I had to agree lol.

Anyway, she's on a date tonight. M doesn't know about it. She met guy on line & they've been talking all week. He sounds more on her level ie has his own house & boats. Now that the truth came out about the ex she's moving on, going out, no guilt that it's so soon.

Wow, maybe things will change? Maybe we will be like good friends/sisters ? She.called me cos M not around so I guess she values me/my thoughts. I'm so glad I told M not to say anything about how I was feeling. I told him we'll leave it to The Universe. Good thoughts, positive vibes. I've been manifesting for her.

Maybe we are connected?Maybe it's working?

Cmf x

[CMF]

Interesting that she didn't tell M about the guy. Maybe she'll realise that she needs her own space to meet someone?

Cmf x

[Guest_1584]

She's funny and tbh l still go with what l've thought for a long time. She's not a bad person as such and l don't think she's intentionally been so annoying. l kind of relate tbh bc some of my sisters are a little bit similar and my ex was always getting pissed off but really they didn't mean anything. l'm glad nothings been said it really could've backfired, time is doing it's thing and ya never know you may well end up close.

But anyway , there ya go eh with the bf, always wondered and scratched my head about those two but here we go. Never know , she might nail something good and all your problems will be over haha.

rx

[CMF]

Hey rx,

Yeah, I know deep down she's not a bad person but I do feel she needs to meet the right guy to move on from her bro.

I see it also frustrates her that M can be oblivious. I told M no matter how I feel about things I'll always be here for his sis. I told her that last night, that she can always come to me. She was so grateful. Funny that, at times I feel M isn't supportive cos he's not comfy with tears, she must feel that too.

Maybe we are starting to connect as 'sisters '? I'd really like that. M goes away for a weekend & all these things open up. As I said (maybe on my other thread) living with him & his boys is sending the wrong message to the Universe. M goes away & look what happens, she's out on a date with someone on her level feeling hopeful & positive. Here I am thinking she's our roadblock. Clearly M is hers too. The Universe is responding to what they're putting out. She needs to be in her space for the right guy to come into her life.

Cmf x

[CMF]

Now I know why the timing was the way it was. M & I reconnected just before sis moved in because if it was after she moved in she would have been blocking us.

Again, the timing of The Universe.

[Guest_1584]

Ah l thought she'd been there awhile before you came along.

Anyway yeah , m would frustrate anyone l've seen his ways right through he cracks me up . like l use to say to ya , it'll all depend on how much patience you've got. But he'd def' rather just not even know, not even hear about anything . Can't blame him with sis though , she's a problem child in that way, some of mine are like that too and it's not that l don't see their crap , l just don't wanna know. They're mature ages women, like sis , their lifes their own and l've got no interest in fixing sister problems or nurse maiding them, got enough real problems of my own with the real women in my life.

Although it sounds like m only has one to worry about, and she lives with him and cares a lot about him. l have 6 and they're all over the country and they're only interested in themselves anyway. lt'd be nice to have just one like m , and to know that she actually cares and is there for him. That l could bother with , as pain in the arse as she is haha but eh, he doesn't even think so or notice anyway so l don't suppose it even matters to him.

rx

[CMF]

Omg. So he agrees that if she lived in her own place she'd have a better chance of meeting someone & be more motivated to cos she'd be lonely. Said he realised this ages ago. So why doesn't he talk to her about that? He agrees she's too comfortable. Doesn't he want to see her happy with a guy & kids like she wants? Tbh, I think he likes the company.

[Guest_1584]

Of course , he loves living with sis sorry . But eh , now that you two are progressing he might even be thinking about that these days instead.

Why doesn't he tell her what you said though like l was saying, l couldn't be bothered even touching that with one of my sisters, don't blame him. But hey the house is half hers to right , saying that to her it'd be like he was trying to get her out as well.

[CMF]

I told him he should tell her as a way of helping her to meet someone. Create a space for the right man to come into her life. I asked of he knew that why hadn't he said something? Don't they talk about it? He said he could but no they don't really.

He could? That's new. Anyway, the date she had last night was a lovely guy a gentleman. If things progress hopefully they'll both want space. Surely a guy who is serious about her doesn't want her brother around. I can't be the only one who finds it off putting

On a positive, I hope sis & I have connected a but more although now M is back I feel it's gone. I hope by mentioning it again with M he realises he can't sweep it aside forever.

Cmf