existential and social anxiety - can you relate?

[swtpotato]

hi everyone,

I was posting on the welcome and orientation section but thought I should move things here as it's more on-topic.

So my mental health story: I have always been really introverted and spacey kinda kid but also very optimistic and idealistic. I grew up being really self-conscious and felt like there was something wrong with me but was pretty good at ignoring it.
I had this bad lsd trip (1.5yrs ago) which blew all of my insecurities way out of proportion. I had all this derealisation and depersonalisation and severe social anxiety which led me to develop IBS and chronic fatigue. I was obsessed with the concept of identity and meaning and thought it was impossible to truly connect with other people.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi m,

I’m so sorry it has taken me a while to get back to you. My bad...

About this housemate situation, it’s a tricky one. On the one hand, I hear your anger and hurt and the importance of having a “voice”, and making known to him how he has hurt you. On the other hand, if it ends up being a very heated argument, I think there is the issue of how to resolve it and if either of you are really prepared to move out if it gets that bad.

If you do confront him, it could go either way. He might be more receptive than you’re expecting but if he is all the things you say:

...good at articulating thoughts with very strong opinions and never admits he’s wrong. He thinks everyone is completely responsible for themselves.

That part has me a little worried because- and I could be misinterpreting things- but he doesn’t sound like someone who can walk a mile in another person’s shoes and if he “never admits he’s wrong”, well...perhaps considerations for you before deciding whether or not to have this conversation.

From my personal experience- and I’m not telling you what to or what not to do but just sharing my thoughts- some people are worth and some people are not worth confronting. It just depends on the situation and the person that I’m dealing with. Usually with people who insist they are always right and aren’t receptive to feedback or trying to put themselves in another person’s shoes, I don’t engage. But in your case, I feel it’s harder because you live with him and you have slept with him too so there’s more of an emotional attachment.

My suggestion is sit down and write (or type) the pros and cons of confronting him then go from there...alternatively sometimes life just calls for going with your “gut” too.

Whichever decision you make, we will cheer you on.

Kind thoughts,

Pepper xoxo

P.S. Thanks for answering re: experiences. I see what you mean by how you sometimes live in your own head rather than out there in the physical world. But, to your credit, I do recall you “participating” more in life lately. As for friends, yeah, I’m with you that it’s not just about having people around you but having people who “get you” and you “get them.” That’s so important in terms of forming a genuine connection.

[swtpotato]

Hi sn and pepper,

Sorry I haven't been around much and haven't been on many other threads. I've been feeling a bit more in control and also very busy and don't feel like I have it in me which is weird. Once uni calms down I think I will commit to being here for others especially for a certain amount of time I think it's a really good place and I really appreciate everyone on here.

SN - I started writing a reply to you the other day but deleted the whole thing as I had no idea what I was feeling or talking about.

I'm really not sure if I should get into the past with D again as those feelings have passed and I just don't want them back they scare me a lot but idk if it would be better if I told him (is that repressing things?? Idk oh well). I'll figure it out when I'm around him again.

Pepper - you're right it is mostly about me demonstrating that I have a voice and I deserve to be respected. Maybe I can just show that in other ways and subtly try and put him in his place rather than outright confront him as that's too scary and risky and I just become very submissive and hurt immediately when he gets angry at me. I'll see.

I'm really behind on uni again but got another extension have had a bit of cfs and anxiety flare ups but at the same time feel like I can handle it a lot better and take care of myself when it happens.

I hung out with that guy I like and had one of those flare-ups and he had to look after me. I stopped having strong feelings for him after getting to know him and it was all a bit disappointing but I still am seeing him for the fun of it and to get more experience, kinda like my own exposure therapy. I'm trusting myself more and my values and opinions are getting stronger. I feel like I can build myself up. I'm quite confident actually (!!). Idk where confidence comes from I assumed you had to work for it but medication helped a lot to be able to accomplish things in the first place. I felt like before I just wasn't working hard enough but I guess I was. I'm proud of myself for my efforts.

After uni I am going to write a list of challenges (like things or situations that used to/do scare me) and go and do them. If my problem is not enough experience then I will just go and experience more things.

m

[Guest_1055]

Hi sweet m,

I wanted to say to you, that I felt a sense of connection to you. Sometimes what you write is like it is the way that I would express myself. I have not meet anyone in my life quite like that. Anyway I want to thank you. I am glad our paths have crossed in this life

many thanks for sharing who you are .

Shell xx

[swtpotato]

Hi shell,

i feel the same it’s a bit strange.

I read this article that I related to a crazy amount that I think you would too - google: ane axford highly sensitive tiny Buddha. If you feel like it, if you do let me know what you think.

When uni calms down I will properly have a look at you thread as id like to get to know you more 🙂

hope you are doing well

m

[Peppermintbach]

Hi m,

Please don’t apologise for not being on this thread as much as you would like. When you’re here, you’re here and that’s great. But sometimes life happens and you can’t always be online...that’s more than okay too 🙂

Hopefully you will figure out what works best for you in terms of dealing with your housemate. I’m glad you’re considering all options before deciding to just outright confront him. I’m sure your personal answer will show itself in good time

It must have been disappointing with the other guy you like. Sometimes I think it’s possible to fall in love with an “idea” of a person. But I’m glad you’re taking it in your stride and still making the most of the experience. That’s a great attitude. After all, not all relationships need to necessarily be about finding the love of your love (so to speak). Just experiencing and experimenting is important too 🙂

The flare-ups sound frustrating although you do seem like you’re in a more settled head space and that’s great.

All the best with uni and sending you Kind thoughts 🙂

Pepper xoxo

[startingnew]

Hey M

Wll write a better response later but know that im often thinking about you. Also its ok to not be here. When your here your here. Thers no obligations and its perfectly fine 🙂

[quirkywords]

Hi swt

I just wanted t say I just saw your thread and have been reading it. You explain yourself very well and it gives me so insight into what you experience.

I wish you well with uni

Thanks for sharing your story

Quirky

[startingnew]

hey M

im sure you had another post here before as i read it and then had to go out... did you write it or what happened to it?

[swtpotato]

Yeah it was too explicit.

Here it is:

Hi Pep,

I think sometimes I feel bad about posting other places but not checking on you guys too but it's mostly because I care about how you are going and want you to know but at the same time...can't neglect my life and use my mental energy all up here. So a balance would be nice ( there is currently no balance in most areas of my life but typical of exam time)
I've been feeling pretty wired and unmotivated lately. After uni will go full lifestyle cleanse and see how it goes. Might decide to up my dosage tho if I'm still like this.
Yeah, the guy I met up with turned out to be like, quite self-absorbed and mostly interested in sex...and tbh has a disturbing amount of shared personality traits with housemate hmmm. But we get along I'm still attracted to him and no danger of getting too attached. The idealisation was a good thing overall, as long as I don't continue it now we actually hang out. Good. Handled. (cue me trying to appear like I do this kinda stuff all the time totally experienced no big deal)

But a weird (borderline disturbing) thing is happening because of this...

I'm starting to feel almost like I...fit in?

(whaat)

I think my sexuality and body image issues have been a huge factor in my depression/anxiety. Sex felt like a thing to be taken from me, like objectification and nothing more, always felt so much dread and anxiety when people came onto me. Like I wasn't really being seen. Felt like being sexual was being perverted in a way and literally could not talk about it at all ever. A lot of shame. But no idea where it came from - sex positive home, friends, school.

So...social anxiety + ^^ = casual encounters one of the big fears.

But turns out.. not so?

Checked that off the list.

Apparently I want to be adventurous. Party, do stupid things. Just everything is a much bigger deal to me. So strange to suddenly relate to this whole other side of humanity that I have never been able to before. I am beginning to get people my age and why they do things. I think. A little. Have to investigate. ~go undercover~

Old attitude is really hard to undo. But curiosity helps me through the anxiety.

hello to sn

hello to quirky

love your presence

m

[startingnew]

Hi M ahh yep I remember the end bit and can see where it was explicit. In that area im uh not sure sorry.


You dont have to worry about us here M, there is many many memebers here who will step up and everyone here will have more than just one persons support so its ok. Nows a time to focus on you and your studies. Go out and enjoy what life has to offer and it seems your doing that and also starting to combat your anxiety which is really good. O course youll have your bad days but as long as the good over runs the bad.


Exams are stressful for everyone. I bet everyone has-just different extents- brains going haywire and very little balance in life atm. Itll pass.


Ooh starting to fit in hey- oh no that cant be (sarcasm) but really im glad for you.


In regards to sex, never feel pressured into having it. Youll know when your ready yet again and from your last bit that was removed your experimenting which is fine but not until your ready.


As I said go out an enjoy yourself but please be safe, partying and things are good but safely.