*Trigger Warning* My sister was found a week after she died and I can’t get over it

[Mummasgirl]

Hi All,

I’m new here. I’m at an all time low and don’t know what to do so am reaching out. My sister passed away 5 years ago and my grief seems to be getting worse. I’ve spoken a lot to my therapist but nothing seems to help. It’s not so much her passing but that she was found after a week of being in her apartment all alone. She struggled with addiction and was unwell. Our relationship was up and down and I’m struggling so much with guilt. I can’t get the visual out of my head of what she looked like there after a week and how it must have been for the police who found her. I struggle with not being able to see her to stroke her hair and tell her how much I love her before she was cremated. I feel her whole journey was alone. I’ve tried to tell myself she was already dead and that our body goes through this decomposition phase so why does it matter where she was. I guess it’s the indignity she suffered from being found this way and then through having an autopsy etc.

I don’t know why I can’t move on. I’m stuck in this visual nightmare and no reading about Buddhism etc has helped me find peace.

my brother also died in his living room some years ago but he was found in the morning by his wife. For some reason this gave me a sense of peace, that he was with his wife and not all alone left in his apartment.

Has anyone experienced anything similar? Have you found anything through your grief journey that has helped?

[Mummasgirl]

Thank you so much for your reply Sunnyl20. It’s very heart warming to receive compassion from others. Apologies for the late reply though, I have been on a bit of a journey. I tend to delve into reading, generally of the spiritual kind. What you say is very valid, we do have to sit with it being a traumatic experience which is hard as it can make no sense and their is no neat bow you can tie around the grief. It’s about accepting and allowing it to be apart of who we now are. The more we put up a fight the harder the struggle, easier said than done of course. I don’t know your story but as you are on this forum I’m sure you’ve experience great lose yourself and my heart goes out to you. Sending much love to you. X