miscarriage

[Guest_10268]

i have had two miscarriages they were 6 months apart our first baby in june 2024 i was 6 almost 7 weeks along my first miscarriage was just a normal miscarriage and our second baby was january this year i was almost 9 weeks along our second miscarriage was a complete molar pregnancy which im still going back and forth to appointments and regular blood tests to make sure my hormone levels are still at 0. it’s so exhausting, im tired and exhausted all the time even when i do absolutely nothing and i don’t if its silly but i feel like im still grieving and no one really seems to understand, like they are all wondering why i haven’t moved on or “gotten over it” but its a lot harder then people think even my mood has change im so angry and irritated all the time and i hate it. i really hate getting angry but i can’t help it, its like i’ve have everything bottled up because when i do talk to people they say they understand bc no body has been through it that i speak to 

[Sophie_M]

Hi there,

Thank you so much for sharing here with us. We are so deeply sorry for what you have experienced. This is an understandably incredibly distressing time. Miscarriage is a profound type of grief that only those who have experienced it can truly understand.

What you are feeling is completely understandable. Holding grief can be truly exhausting. It can also leave us with a lot of unanswered questions and a deep sense of frustration and anger. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and we hope that you can be gentle with yourself as you navigate through this. There is certainly no set time that you need to be “over” something as significant as what you have been through.

It sounds like a lot of those around you don’t quite understand what you are going through there anyone that has been a good support during this time? It is a lot to manage all on your own, and it can help to have someone to talk to who gets it. If ever you are interested, here are some extra support options:

• Gidget Foundation – Grief and loss
• The Pink Elephants Support Network‍
• Red Nose Grief and Loss Support

You are also always welcome to reach out to one of the Beyond Blue counsellors, too. Available 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or webchat here: http://www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport.
 
Thank you again for sharing here. We hope this can be a safe and supportive space for you while you navigate this. We are here for you.
 
Kind regards
Sophie M

[healinggirly]

Yours is the first post I clicked on when looking on this forum and was surprised to read your story as I'm in a very similar situation. I've had 2 miscarriages now - the first was an early miscarriage in May 2024 and most recently in June this year I had a partial molar pregnancy. We saw a heartbeat at 7 weeks, then it was a MMC at the 13 week scan where the fetus had stopped growing at 8 weeks - I had no idea as I'd kept getting pregnancy symptoms and hadn't had any bleeding or anything. It was devastating. I had 2 D&Cs as I had retained products, and so far it's been about 2 months since I found out about it and it's been physically and mentally exhausting. The follow up blood tests plus looming cancer risk makes it impossible to process and heal. I don't think I ever really recovered emotionally from my first miscarriage, I just got to the point where I got better at pretending I was okay, until I got pregnant again. This 2nd miscarriage and PMP has destroyed me - I don't see my friends anymore, I'm always at home and I don't feel motivated to work or do anything. It seems like everyone around me has it so easy, and most of my friends have a family already - I know it's not that simple but feels so isolating. It's crushing when your body doesn't do what you want and then to also have a rare molar pregnancy added to the mix - it's understandable how you are feeling and unless someone has gone through it, I don't feel they can full comprehend the impact it has.

[Guest_10268]

That’s exactly how i feel too, it’s good to hear other people’s stories and experiences. I’m glad that u reached out it feels like i’m not alone and i hope it’s the same for you, i hope you know that your not alone. and it is scary i’m almost done with the process of the molar pregnancy blood test, i got the marina iud and it’s been hell for me i get cramps that bad i can’t move, hair loss, depression, mood swings and don’t get me started on the headaches they haven’t gotten that bad i’m now on medication for it that i have to take twice a day but i finish the blood tests next month and i can get my iud out and we can start trying again but i’m ngl i’m really really scared and i don’t know if you get like this but i’m so angry all the time and i have no idea why but i don’t want to be an angry person if you know what i mean it’s so frustrating and another thing is going back into the hospital where you lost the baby and the d&c’s just bring back flash backs and it just makes me want to scream and i get it when you said your angry at your body bc it’s not doing the one things it’s supposed to do i hate looking at my body now i feel so idk the word but idk i just don’t feel myself anymore. 

anyways your welcome to rather message me anytime it’s always good to have someone that relates to what they are going through to talk to. 

Im glad someone wrote back i didn’t even think anyone was going to see it 🩷

[healinggirly]

It's crazy isolating, so definitely nice to share stories and feel less alone. Mirena sounds like it was awful. I'm hopefully almost done with the blood tests too - my HCG was down to 10 last week so I'm praying this week or next week it'll be <5, then I just need 3 in a row before we are cleared. I'm also terrified to try again. I want to try again cause I feel like the only thing that'll make me feel better is being pregnant again, but I also feel like I'm just throwing myself in to this devastation again and I don't know if I can take it a third time. I already feel like I've become so numb to everything and we were so happy and excited for this most recent pregnancy, but I don't think we will feel like that again - it's just taken the joy out of it and replaced it with anxiety.

I remember I was also so angry after my first miscarriage. My emotions were so volatile and things like getting stuck at red lights would just make me so irritated and annoyed. I haven't felt that as much yet this time, but I'm still right in the middle of it. After my first miscarriage I started an antidepressant and it helped, but I've recently found out I have lean PCOS, and the antidepressant was messing up my cycles and I went from having 28-31 day cycles, to 40+days. Took me about 5 months to figure out what was causing the long cycles, which I think added to the anger with my body and frustration around what had happened. Because of this it took us about 9 months in between pregnancies which was the longest time, and for it to just end this way has been so hard.

Same with you, feel free to message whenever you need or feel like you need to let it out.

[Guest_10268]

yeah i know i get like that to i get angry even if someone breathes too loudly but that’s bc of my misaphonia too but its gotten a lot worse since both miscarriages.

if you don’t mind me asking was yours just a molar pregnancy or a complete molar pregnancy. bc i have had to wait 6 months to try again and get a blood test every month. 

i know it’s scary i’m scared too but you will be happy when u see those two lines again you will be over the moon and my physiologist told me to speak to the high risk care team for future pregnancys when we start trying again, maybe you could have a look into it as well if you do decide to try again it might make you feel a bit better. 

thats good that you finally found out about PCOS, do you have to take medication for PCOS, sorry if u don’t want to talk about it i’m just curious bc i have long cycles too , but also all over the place bc of my iud but so glad that it comes out next month even if i need to pee i cramp like no tomorrow. 

thank you it means a lot it’s good to talk to someone 

[healinggirly]

Mine was partial molar, so it’s less risk for turning cancerous and less follow up. It was the cruelest thing - we saw a heartbeat at 7 weeks, and everything was completely normal for the next few weeks. I was feeling nauseous and didn’t have any bleeding. We got the NIPT test, which came back low probability for everything and that we were having a baby girl, which we were so excited and happy. Then about a week later at the 13 week scan there was no heartbeat and the fetus stopped growing around 8 weeks. I feel like I’m still in shock about the whole thing and don’t know if I have really processed it. I’ve just isolated and tried to avoid the devastation of everything. 

I have a fertility specialist now who will monitor closely for the next pregnancy. I think they said they will scan early to make sure everything’s fine. I think it’ll feel a bit better being more closely monitored but it’s hard and I think it’s normal we are both feeling scared. 

I don’t take anything for PCOS but my cycles are pretty regular. I don’t have any of the typical symptoms of PCOS and each doctor I talk to changes their mind if I have it or not but I definitely have polycystic ovaries on an ultrasound. I think they can give you medication to make you ovulate if your cycles don’t go back to normal.

I just feel so unlucky and keep seeing the mountain in front of me with trying again and everything that can go wrong. I know that’s not a healthy way to look at it and I just need to take it one day at a time but it feels like anything that can go wrong so far has, so it’s hard to be optimistic. 

I hope it all goes well for you with the follow up ending and starting to try again. Baby dust for us both 🌈🌈

[therising]

The warmest of welcomes to you both at such an incredibly challenging time in your life in so many ways. ❤️

Personally, I found miscarriage is one of those things that tends to reveal who is sensitive and who's insensitive. You come to gain a feel for who's who. I think what some people don't realise is that looking forward to having a child is not just a mental experience and a physical experience, it can also be a soulful one. The loss is therefor not just mentally related and physically related (regarding chemistry), it can also feel soul destroying in some ways. So, what you don't want to hear while facing miscarriage is stuff like 'You should be over it by now' or 'You need to stop thinking about it and move on' because that kind of stuff just feels like a steak through a heart that's already aching so much. I feel for you both so much as you experience such incredible heartache.

There can be so many different factors that come into play with miscarriage, therefor everyone's experiences will be different. I'm glad you've both found each other and can relate to the specific challenges of molar pregnancy. While I can't relate to such a pregnancy, I can relate to ectopic pregnancy. When seriously questionable people make the comment like 'It wasn't a real pregnancy', what the hell🤔😠, what they're failing to realise is the positive pregnancy test that got you all excited and planning great plans for the future never led you to imagine anything other than there being a baby on the way. The grief that comes with finding out there is no baby on the way is hard to describe to someone who just can't relate to that experience.  

While I faced an ectopic pregnancy, a miscarriage at around 8 weeks and another around 12 weeks, I'd have to say the most soulfully painful lost pregnancy involved seeing the little heartbeat on the ultrasound monitor and then no longer seeing it at the next visit. Even though my experiences happened about 20 years ago and I now have 2 children, I'll never forget the overwhelming grief I felt when I saw that monitor. When a miscarriage can be classed as 'an early stage miscarriage' or 'first trimester miscarriage', such terms can feel incredibly dismissive of the level of grief involved. And when there are no obvious outward signs of pregnancy for others to observe, such as a growing stomach, others can fail to understand the grief that exists within us. It is there and it is real and it can be felt so intensely and deeply to the point where it touches our soul and that is why it can be so painful. It's not just about chemistry and hormone related stuff, it can go so much deeper than that.

While my miscarriages happened between my first child and my second, if not for my nephew's words of wisdom I think I would have given up trying for my second child (based on not wanting to face possible grief again). At the age of about 12, he said to me 'You are courageous'. We don't necessarily think of ourself as being courageous under such circumstances but it definitely does take great courage to face our fears amongst our losses while trying again for that which we dream of, bringing someone to life who we are longing to love deeply. The truth is you are both incredibly courageous. Even if no one around you comes to feel this truth in its entirety, what matters most is that you feel it. ❤️

[healinggirly]

Thanks for sharing your story. Any type of pregnancy loss is a difficult experience, and I can imagine an ectopic pregnancy would come with a lot of the same emotions as we are experiencing. 

It's so difficult experiencing such a rollercoaster with fertility. I'm sure it would be hard either way, but I'm finding it even more difficult that I don't have any children yet. The fertility specialist seems to think we are normal and it should be fine next time, but it's easy to lose hope.

The way this miscarriage happened has destroyed me. The plans for your life just fall apart and I am living this reality that doesn't make sense to me. 

My HCG was down to 6 this week. It's taken about a month to go from 14 to 6 - and what a stressful, painful process. I'm praying for <5 next week. I'm hoping being able to try again, we will have better luck and I won't feel as stuck in this limbo.

[therising]

Hi healinggirly

My heart especially goes out to those who have experienced miscarriage before having their first child. This comes with a whole other set of emotions to face, make sense of and manage. I feel for you so deeply.

I think, before having kids, there's that belief 'When I'm ready, I'll have a baby' and it's as simple as that. Then, when you're ready, you find out it's not that straight forward. I found there was a lot of that 'What's wrong with me?' inner dialogue. 'How come everyone else can just pop them out but I keep 'failing' to carry a pregnancy to term?' (after my first child). 'What's wrong with me?' played over and over in my head so many times. What I eventually came to realise was that not only is life in general a miracle but a mother's body is this incredibly miraculous thing. Everything has to be perfectly perfect in order to develop human life within it. If one factor's slightly off, the body will terminate the pregnancy. The body knows best when it comes to the right timing and conditions. While that may sound rather clinical and matter of fact, it doesn't entirely help with the emotional and deeply felt aspects of such a loss.

I can recall a couple of people in my life giving me helpful advice (not) at the time. 'You're dwelling on it too much. You need to get over it'. Hmmm, what can you say to that?🤔 I think the 'dwelling' part came from their concern when I borrowed 2 books from my local library. One was on the clinical side of miscarriage and pregnancy and the other was a collection of interviews from women who been through different stages of miscarriage. The 2nd was more about how they felt, how they came to manage and interactions with those around them. Researching a balance of logic and emotion is what made a positive difference in helping me get through such experiences. It's not about 'getting over' something, it can be a matter of navigating our way through some pretty challenging paths in our life. The best of guides can make a difference, while helping shed light on parts of those paths that may feel dark or not be entirely clear at the time.

I'm glad your HCG is down and you're successfully making progress in creating the perfect environment for your future little one. Being a soulful kinda gal, I like to imagine your son or daughter waiting patiently on the sidelines eager to come to you when the time is perfect. I imagine you both can't wait to meet each other. The waiting can be tough and can even feel cruel in certain ways. I'm glad I eventually found a GP who advised be to wait 6 months or so before trying for my son. While I didn't want to wait to try again, the waiting paid off. It did feel a little like psychological torture.❤️