Help missing him

[Renie]

Hi my partner passed away 2 months ago we separated 8 weeks prior . He did have me as next kin and a photo of me in his wallet and us on his bedside table .

i have since discovered he cheated on me last year . Which has been heartbreaking . I still love and miss him .

[Guest_62426516]

It's entirely normal to struggle with these issues, when someone passes away it can leave questions unanswered and make it very hard to get support in the community or closure for yourself. 

Sometimes there isn't a logical or direct reason people do things, especially when personal relationships are involved. 

And when a number of people you know pass away at the same time you can also lose support. Some days will be harder then others, and i don't think there's a clear reason why either, it's like a cloud that passes over you, and tomorrow, the next day, over time I've found that though the bad days will always be bad, it happens less often. Three months is very recent to have lost someone, two people, time usually helps. 

[Croix]

Dear Renie~

In your last post you mentioned "Than keep replaying he cheated ", which is natural however I found when my love passed away that my mind was quite capable of going into a loop most of the night dwelling on my loss and all the "what if's" that come with greif.

Living though that is no help really and does not seem to make the greif easier to bear, quite the opposite, it keeps it alive and stops everything.

In the middle of the night I used a free smartphone program called Smiling Mind to break that loop  of horrible thoughts and leaving the mind calm. It is a way of coping with grief, not denying it but living with it better.

Smiling mind has exercises - lots of them - for just about everyone. It is designed to get the mind to concentrate on one thing only in the whole world for a few minutes. That might for instance be a leaf carried down a stream. It might be many things. It does take practice for it to work to start with, but is then effective (and is in fact a type of mindfulness).

I have the attention span of a goldfish but found the right program for me where I was reminded frequently enough when my mind wandered.

You are getting there, I hope this might make it a little easier

Croix

[Renie]

Thanks everyone for your advice and guidance . I really appreciate it . Thanks I will check that app out .