Help missing him

[Renie]

Hi my partner passed away 2 months ago we separated 8 weeks prior . He did have me as next kin and a photo of me in his wallet and us on his bedside table .

i have since discovered he cheated on me last year . Which has been heartbreaking . I still love and miss him .

[Renie]

Thanks so much I really appreciate your advice . I know he loved me . Thanks again 

[Renie]

Hi I met a guy online.  I guess I’m using it to distract myself as I lost someone I loved dearly 3 months ago.  

He is a guy that wants to come back to my place for a one night stand . I don’t feel comfortable bringing a stranger into my home if I don’t know them.  Than he suggested a hotel room and go 50/50 in the cost.  

I told him my heart still belongs to the guy I just lost 3

Months ago.  Should I block this guy ? 

[Venus888]

Hi Genie,
I’m sorry for your loss, I wish healing and peace for your heart. 
I think if you are feeling pressured by this man, and deep down you know it’s not the kind of arrangement you are seeking, maybe it is the right decision to block him.

You deserve connection and love but not at the sacrifice of your wellbeing and safety. The right people will make you feel calm and comfortable and respect your boundaries. Maybe you could suggest to meet in a public place? And enjoy a nice meal, if you feel it could be a helpful distraction.

[Renie]

Thank you for kind words and advice. I suggested a coffee but he wants to do that and catch up in his car ? 

[Renie]

Thanks I have blocked and  deleted his number 

[Croix]

Dear Renie~

Welcome back, and I'm sorry for the loss of your ex. I would feel that there was nothing much to be gained by having a one night stand with someone who is only interested in sex and not you as a person.

I hate to be bunt but a stranger may carry various STDs or refuse safe sex. Can I suggest you take your time and get to know someone first? You are being pushed.

When you found out your ex had been unfaithful that hurt a lot which goes to show both your sensitivity and the fact you expect and need someone who loves you, holds you in high regard as a person and wants to look after you, the same as you do them.

I'm sure that will happen, you are too good a person for someone miss your character and you both wil have a chance.

Being propositioned to go to your house (wise of you to say no) or 50/50 in a hotel for night, is that what you want? How would you feel when you are alone again the next few days? It may even start to convince you all men are the same.

Loss and grief do not pass that quickly, and sometimes talking with someone who knows can be a help. Is there anyone, a family member or friend to talk with and support you.  you, if not I'd suggest the Grief-line who may be able to assist?

Anytime you would like to come here to talk you will be welcome

Croix

[Venus888]

Hi Renie,

I think you made the right decision, it sounds like he was pushy.

You should be proud of yourself for trusting yourself and being in tune with your needs and boundaries, that is a strength 🙂 

Be gentle with yourself and your heart right now, as Croix pointed out, loss & grief can take time to process. It has a cyclic nature and it is natural to cycle around the feelings and stages as you process the loss. 

I find it helps me to engage in any hobbies or interests that I love and bring me joy. Your favourite movies, music, books, activities. You’re not alone, keep reaching out for support however feels right for you. 

[Renie]

Thanks for your kind words and advice . You’re right I’m dealing with grief and I still love my ex partner . I had a hard night tonight been crying tonight.  It will take time but I’m not going to be forced or pressured by a guy . Thanks again x

[Renie]

Thanks so much yes I was tempted as wanted to distract myself . But not a healthy way to do it . I had a hard night tonight keep crying about my love I lost but we were separated too . Than keep replaying he cheated which I found out after he passed . I Need to

move forward it will take time .

thanks for your advice 

[Renie]

Hello I’m having a hard night tonight . I lost my love ( ex ) we separated 8 weeks before he passed a few months ago . We were still in contact and I loved him truly . I discovered he was cheating which I found after he passed. 
than my aunty passed a month later .

i also have to deal with my nasty ex partner  . Who said tonight sorry your partner passed but it’s karma for you .

i have spendt most the night crying and than replaying why my ex who passed cheated on me . He kept some secrets i didn’t know and  had two very close female friendships. 
I’m trying to move forward but tonight is hard 

. advice and guidance appreciated .

thank you