Grieving for my grandfather hasn't got easier

[Thatrandomchick]

Hey everyone.

I lost my best friend ever about 3 and a half years ago. To this day I still don't cope fully and feel like my life has stopped since he left. Everything I ever did was for him or because of him.

To this day I still feel anger, disbelief and rhe want to just see him or hear from him again.

Is this normal? When will I feel normal again and not let it overcome me?

[smallwolf]

hello and welcome.

Sorry to hear about your loss of your friend. Everyone experiences grief differently - some for a short time, others longer, some delayed etc. It sounds as though this person was a large part of your life. Were you able to talk to anyone about what you were feeling at the time of his passing or afterwards? Perhaps if not, you might want chat with a professional about your thoughts and feelings.

I was also speaking with someone whose husband dies many years ago - she said to me that you (in her case) never truly get over it as you cannot really talk to the person like you used to. At the same time, this person is able to find happiness in her days.

If you want to chat...

[Thatrandomchick]

He was definitely one of the main people in my life.

I don't fully recall talking to anyone about it because there was other drama going on as a result of his death. And others had the blame game going on. So I just sat tight. Cried at night as a result.

It's been 3.5 years now and I still get angry and upset about him being gone.

I don't know what the next step is to sorting this issue I have out.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Thatrandomchick

I’m very sorry for the loss of your grandfather. It sounds as though his death has hit you really hard and I know it’s very difficult. Hugs to you.

You’ve asked a good question: Is it normal to still be grieving after 3 and a half years? It’s a really hard question to answer because grieving is a truly individual process.

There is no set timetable. No set process. No set rules to follow. And I’ve found as I’ve moved through different stages of life that every loss feels different.

It’s a universal human experience yet we don’t talk about it enough and many people are left to flounder on their own.

I think it’s fair to say that many people generally experience ups and downs and start to heal with time. They start to have more good days than bad and start coping better with life.

But I also think it’s true that people can become “stuck” in their grief and need professional support to move on.

I’m not a professional and don’t know if you need professional help, but I don’t think it could hurt to find out. You’ve got nothing to lose and much to gain.

I’d like to suggest you try contacting GriefLine, which offers confidential telephone and online grief counselling every day between midday and 3 am – call 1300 845 745 or visit griefline.org.au.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Please feel free to post any time.

Kind thoughts to you

[smallwolf]

Would it be fair to say that you didn't get the chance to grieve properly at the time? And for some reason you are reflecting on it now?

And if you did want to talk about any part of it here ...

As I might have said, we each grieve differently and depends on the closeness of the relationship and many other factors. So what you are experiencing can be normal if grief is delayed.

Listening to you

[livi_mivi]

Hey,

Firstly, I’m very sorry to hear of the loss of such a close friend. Losing someone that played a big part in your life is never an easy thing to have to experience or go through. Be kind to yourself and understanding that your healing is yours and yours only.

As others in the thread have said, grief is a very individual and unique experience. Even people who have shared the person for which they are grieving will have to different experiences. I think it’s important to not shut out these feelings but to also to understand why you might be feeling this way. Have you maybe entered into a new stage of grief?

I think that as important and normal it is to experience grief, it’s also important that we are kind and caring to ourselves. If you feel as though grief is consuming you in a sense that you are struggling more often or not, it might be worthy reaching out to get professional advice that can guide you through this process. Sometimes, it takes the support and perspective of others to navigate through your feelings to truly be able to get through it all. I understand it can be hard to reach out at times so it’s a really great start in coming to these forums

It’s truly beautiful that we have the ability to find meaning in the people closest to us. Savour your memories and take the most care. Always here for you if you would like to chat.