Grief and marriage breakdown

[Theateam]

My husband lost his mum 3 months ago. Since then our relationship has gone downhill with lots of fights and distance. A lot of previous unresolved issues have also come up during this time and there's also no communication between us. He doesn't really want to share much with me so I'm constantly guessing and wondering how I can best support. Obviously the death is still fresh and there's grieving involved. I've realised it's a bad time to talk about problems between us. But I'm also scared that if don't communicate about anytning the relationship will get worse. I'm feeling so stuck and deflated. I'm starting to feel a lot of anxiety about the situation as well.

Has anyone been the partner of someone grieving. What was your experience? Or if someone here who has gone through grieving can share what grief was like for them so I can have better insights, I can better understand my partner's thoughts right now.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Theateam,

Thank you so much for sharing this here. We’re so sorry to hear of yours and your husband’s loss, and the challenges you’ve faced in your relationship since then. It sounds like a really difficult time, and we can hear you’re feeling anxious about how you can support him while keeping communication open in your marriage. We can hear you’re a really caring partner and your concerns come from such a supportive place, and we hope you are able to see how inspiring that is.

We’d really recommend reaching out to the Griefline counsellors on 1300 845 745 (6am-12am AEDT), to talk about how this affecting you and receive support tools and coping strategies.
I’m sure we’ll hear from our amazing community soon, but in the meantime, we wanted to share a couple of pages with you in case they interest you:

• Griefline’s resource on supporting someone experiencing grief and loss
• Relationships Australia’s advice on communication in relationships
• 10 ways to be there for someone
• It's really important to be kind to yourself through this, so there's some tips for practicing self-care here.

It’s also really important to check in with yourself while you’re going through this, so it might be good to have a look at our pages on looking after yourself while supporting someone. There’s a really useful part about how it can affect relationships which might be helpful. A really important one of those is reaching out - the Beyond Blue counsellors are here for you if you’d like to talk this through on 1300 22 4636, or via online chat. It is so important that you look after yourself during these times and they can help you, or just be there if you want to talk.

We are here to support you and you are not alone. 

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[jaz28]

Hi,

I am sorry you are going through this. It must be tough on both of you.

My dad lost his mum, and it took a toll on him for years. Grief is not linear, you have good days and bad days where you miss the person more than life itself. There's denial, emptiness, sadness, anger, frustration, happiness that they are in a better place etc. Time heals but the pain never really goes away. My advice would be to just be there for him, i know it must be hard, but he is doing his best.

I would also suggest trying to see a grief counsellor which could help him understand and grieve in a more healthy way. You also do not deserve to be treated badly. But lean on the side of understanding.

I hope things improve,

jaz x