Welcome Skankit,
It is the right place.
It is so sad to hear about what happened with your beloved pooch. It is totally normal that this has thrown you down the black hole. You would be a horrible person if you felt no emotion. When we lose a pet, it is part of our family, but we feel grief worse than when we lose a human relative. This is cos he was always there for you, unconditional, non-judgmental, pure love. It is a special connection, no words needed. Each one is different but special in their own way. It is a beautiful thing.
We are so lucky to be able to share our lives with these loving, trusting beings. You rescued him from what could have been a long, sad life. 4 1/2 mths is not long enough, it is not fair. But given the choice of a long horrible life vs a happy few mths with a quick end, I know what I would chose. You were both lucky to have found each other for the short time you had. He has enriched your life as no other thing could. You have to grieve. Don't feel guilty. You had a unique relationship with him. There are several stages of grief: denial, anger, etc before finally acceptance. It is then that the happy memories will outnumber the bad ones. It is not easy to get there.
It is the pits now, but you have experienced a pure love. You are a wonderful, loving person to have given him a home and your heart. Of course you got back so much more in return. It is hard to form such a unique bond with another human. It is rare amongst us, but thankfully not unusual with animals. You are fortunate, he has taught you this.
There are so many dogs that need you, now & in the future. The only plus side of their too short lives is that we can experience more unique relationships. You can never replace him, but you can have a new relationship with another special needing pup.
You probably couldn't face it at the moment, but you will know when the time is right. And the right dog will be there waiting for you. Like him, it is meant to be. You have much love to give (& receive). Please think about it, it is never too soon. Perhaps the 'meant to be ' one is waiting for you now. Your dog would be happy about this, I'm sure. Perhaps he is guiding you to talk to me?
You have a purpose. You WILL save another special soul. Let yourself grieve, but please consider finding your next pooch sooner rather than later, cos I'm sure that it will help you heal quicker, and continue to help you in your depression. He will find you, it is meant to be.
