challenges ive faced

[DebZzZ]

Growing up I always had problems in school I was bullied,when I graduated high school I mixed with the wrong crowd and went down a destructive path 

It started when I was 17 fresh out of school nothing to do I reconnected with people I grew up with found new friends went out.. I was abused on my 18th birthday at the time I had no idea about sex or abuse or anything and I stayed with the guy- he was abusive to me and I kept going back to him until people told me to stop and so I did.

little did I know he had been telling people about me and  WAS MARRIED , me being immature not understanding what was going on started talking to the guys even meeting up with some of them I had no idea what I was doing I was unintentionally being promiscuous they were telling me what I wanted to hear, giving me drugs and alcohol and doing what they wanted to me was normal to me, it was when I started hearing rumours that I started to realise what was happening.

I decided to stop everything and when I did I was stalked and I was abused again a few times. it was horrible I had changed my number over 30+ times that year and someone just kept giving it out along with my picture, by this stage I had gained some strength and determined to put a stop to all this I confronted my so-called friends who told me that my so called guy friend was the one behind it(THE ONLY ONE I COULD TRUST) things got ugly everyone in my community and culture was talking about me making fun of me staring at me harassing me stalking me, everywhere I went was hell or me. I was constantly crying I had lost all my friends people were telling people not to talk to me it was pure hell.

I eventually confronted HIM and the truth came pouring out from everywhere. so me and my brother decided to do this all back to him. we succeeded and eventually things stopped, most of my friends had came back to me but things were not the same anymore they were embarrassed to be around me .

I stopped contact with the guys but kept talking to my guy friend STUPID ME! It was then i realised i needed mental help i went to a psychiatrist who made fun of me and said i didn't need him. my GP at the time told me that i should be working and not faking my depression and put me on antidepressants and said to me go home.

I had no one i was completely down an out,  at this point and no one cared AT ALL except for the people at my job network. i dealt with my pain by using drugs, alcohol and eating

I had  a massive fight with my guy friend and it was horrible, he ended up apologizing to me and i had thought he had changed boy was i wrong.

A week later he asked me out and i said yes everything was good i was extremely happy but i had a guilty conscience it was around this time i had stopped doing everything the drugs stealing fighting everything, anyways i told him what me and my brother had done to him and that's when things got a lot worse.

we had a MASSIVE  fight it was ugly.. and my so called friends betrayed me it the worst possible way ever i was just torn.  i ended up calling the police thanks to his ex gf who was on my side. i decided not to get a restraining order as my dad works within the community in which he is from. and told my dad some of the story not all of it.

it got better in time people apologized and people fought with us it was horrible and ok at the same time. things improved when i cut all ties with those nasty people, most of them apologized and every single one of them cant stand to look me in the eyes and still avoid me 5 years on.

it was now 2010 and my mental health had improved i had changed my doctor and was put on anti-depressants, things got better. i had stopped taking my anti depressants in 2011 and had improved a lot and finished my counselling.

i had been happy very happy up until i found out one of the guys from my past had died from suicide i still to this day am shocked because of the way things ended with us.its only now i realised he cared he truly cared and how lonely he was i unintentionally broke his heart and in the end he broke mine.

on the day of his death i had a dream we were sitting in a park and he was apologizing to me for everything and telling me he will always be with me and in my dream i hugged him. 2 weeks later i got the news and everything thing i heard and saw in the dream was exactly what happened. he is now my guardian angel we have forgiven each other.

i met a amazing man who ended up leaving me without a word heartbroken i then had relapsed.

its now 2014 and on my birthday  i was heartbroken again, had a depressive episode and got to a very darm place.  i am now on antidepressants and am in counselling and getting treatment for major depressive disorder.
 

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[Neil_1]

Hi there Dez

Welcome to Beyond Blue and I only wish that I could welcome you under better circumstances.  I hope by putting your post down it has somehow helped you a little, in that you've got a lot off your chest and it's perhaps not so bottled up anymore.

You sure have been through one hell of a turbulent time.  I have to say that for what you've experienced in your life so far and have had to endure, you must have amazing inner strength.  Hold on to that Dez and embrace it. 

Are you saying that as you were writing this it's your birthday?  If that's the case, then HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEZ. 

I'm very sorry to hear of the loss of your friend - and that must have been an amazing experience to have that kind of dream.

I would like to say that I really hope that you have moved on fully now from that 'other man' - but as you did mention that your last encounter with him was around 5 years ago?  Is that right? 

Dez, do you currently work at all?   Are there job opportunities where you currently are?   You did mention that you're associated with Job Network ... have they been helpful in assisting you with job opportunities?

I can't tell you how sad and appalled I was to hear about your encounter with both that psychiatrist and the GP - these are supposed to be professionals in their field and as such they should be portraying to everyone the same duty of care and support - but to do and say what they did to you was shocking.  I guess it was a long time ago now, wasn't it?  Otherwise you'd have every right to report them.  And you know, the awful thing about that is, if you have had a terrible encounter like that, it really does put you off for wanting to seek help again.

But can I say that "Well done to you" for seeking out assistance again.

While everything still is highly difficult for you, your last sentence, I felt, was a nice positive way to end your post.  That you are now on anti-depressants and that you are in counselling to further assist you.  That was great to hear.

Dez, thank you for posting and I hope that my post firstly made sense to you and secondly that there was something that you found helpful.  If not, I would sure like to write to you again - and I hope that you feel ok to write back as well.

Kind regards

Neil

[DebZzZ]

Hi Neil

Thank you for your kind Response

It really wasnt easy typing with false nails LOL and yeah it was hard emtionally but i feel much better talking about it as i had it bottled up for so long i never told anyone about my story only my current counsellor knows in full because shes the only one i feel understands me.

That year 2009 was horrible for me most of those things happened in 2009 there were other things that happened that i didnt include such as the death of my Nana loosing my cat ;(

and getting fired from my first job and lots family fights,getting bullied in TAFE and much much more.

My birthday was on february 21st i turned 24 -thank you :)-

I have moved on from the guys who abused me and the guy who left me last year, i have managed to patch up things with the guy who broke my heart this year (he has bipolar) and im worried about him about his state of mind thats why i still stay in contact i let him call me when his down, as i feel that the its the right thing to do i couldnt help the guy who passed away but i can help this guy get better (thats what i believe).

I dont work because i have a great fear of work asi was fired from my first job (it was harsh).

Job network has been great, but its hard my family is pushing me to work but i cant as they dont know my story they only know 1 bit of it. the rest is all in me.

it was horrible what My GP and Psychiatrist did it was in 2009 ;( and i went without treatment i self medicated for a bit until i did get help.

I felt that by writing all this i could help someone who is in a similar situation and tell them hey its okay there are always people willing to listen and there is always help and that taking your own life is permanent and not necessary

　

Thank you for your respone and I hope that my post can make a difference to people out there.Thank you for reading and responding in a quick and respectful manner. I appreciate it.

　

Kind regards

DEZ

[Neil_1]

Hi Dez

Hey, it was great to hear back from you and to get a little more of your story - which just makes me think that you've been doing it so tough for so long and pretty much, on your own - and that ain't good - as you've mentioned, the bottling up, etc.

But I so hope that 2014 can be a forward progress for you - even just coming here has been a positive step, not to mention that you're on anti-depressants now as well as have some counselling - these are all really great things Dez.

I hope that you feel like a bit of the weight has been moved a little off your shoulders.  And hey, if you feel like continuing to post here, that would be awesome - as you can see by the numbers who have read your story, it ain't just me who is reading 🙂

I can understand your fear for getting back to work, considering the nature of what happened - things like that "just shouldn't happen" but unfortunately they do and to the person who was fired, it can really affect your future thoughts badly.  I bet the boss (who sounds to me like a bully) wouldn't even know what effect it's had on you - and quite possibly, you wouldn't have been the first one to be dealt such a cruel blow.

Wow, that year 2009 was really bad for you ... and then when things like that happen, yes they happen but then when we're not flash ourselves, they tend to imbed themselves within us and we carry them forward.  We just can't help but do that.  It sucks really, but unfortunately that's the way depression is.

Just before I finish, and sorry again for posting so much, I did just want to say what a beautiful thing it is that you're doing with your friend who has bi-polar - to be there for him (and I understand why), but you know, when you're not feeling flash either, but you throw out your support - that speaks volumes for what a special caring person you are.

See, I told you I'd finish now, and if you want to post back, it'd be lovely to hear from you again,

Kind regards

Neil

[DebZzZ]

thank you Neil I do feel like am getting better and finally getting over everything I feel stronger now, but I still cry sometimes.

thank you for responding I really don't know what else to say

[DebZzZ]

I really think this will help someone and will make a difference is it possible to put my story in the personal stories section?

[Neil_1]

Hi Dez

I think that is a great idea.

I'm not sure how you do that ... but on this site, if you can find the Beyond Blue email address - I'd give it to you, but I've forgotten it at the moment - but find the email address and email them to find out how to do it.

Kind regards

Neil

[geoff]

dear Dez, I am so sorry that I have missed your post, but very pleased that Neil keeps an eye on posts because I live strange hours, so many important comments can be easily missed, however that's no real justification at all.

I totally agree when this previous doctor and psychiatrist refused any medication or treatment, and if had happened to myself then I would have done something about it, but that's here-say now.

When boys take advantage of a female is not only an abuse but it also is a type of bullying which can leave psychological damage, that does require counselling.

I am just wondering how much contact you have with this chap who has bipolar, because it can also be taxing on how you feel.

I'm sorry again for being so late in replying. L Geoff. x

[DebZzZ]

hi there Geoff

thanks for your reply

I think neil is  a good person always helping out, everything still hurts s lot ..but I am learning  get over it everyday is a struggle the guy with bi polar I last heard from him 2 weeks ago he said he was very happy to hear from me but sounded annoyed.

he is friends with my dad and when he hears that im on the phone he trys to listen dno why but yeah.

anyways I deleted his number and wont contact him if he wants he can contact me, I am worried about im a lot but then again I want to give him space.

cheers

[geoff]

dear Dez, it's always a good thought to try and contact anyone with depression, and this includes bipolar, but if they cut off their contact with you then you can't do much at all, and it seems to be pointless to continue, because this person won't want to talk to you. L Geoff. x