Why bother

[Paul70]

A number of weeks ago I disappeared into the bush way out of sight to end my life. I was over life. I tried to call my psychologist for help but she wasn't  there. I was second away from leaving when she called. She helped me out of the bush and took me to hospital. I was admitted into a private hospital for two weeks to get help. The hospital was falling apart, psychologists leaving, not enough nurses etc etc.

Whilst in hospital I had an argument with my mother over the view she had of my upbringing, my boss came for a visit and said that they couldn't hold my job for much longer. I was released after two weeks with no help. I have my wife telling me that I have reverted back to my old ways and when I get upset with what she said we end up in an argument. I am now even more sick of this world than when I started. Why the f,.@k do we bother?

Where is the help? Why don't people understand?

Are we in hell?

[vip]

Thankgoodness Paul you got that help in your time of need and you are still with us. Please dont give up i understand the frustration with lack of psychs in hospital nurses ect ect its a battle i know i noticed that when i was in hospital too its all the waiting. I ended up being an outpatient and attended regular therapy groups ect so i really persevered with it. i have suffered with depression for 22 yrs and i am finally off medication but honestly its a slow process and we all have to be patient with it . If you are not getting much support at home i understand that also my husband was clueless i have just got the help from the professionals now and a few friends of mine who have experienced depression also. If any one understands is all of us on this forum so stay with us and keep fighting. take care

[The_Real_David_Charles]

Dear Paul,

We blame ourselves enough about our depression and suicide attempts.   It never ceases to amaze me that when we need recovery some relatives and friends lay on more guilt and blame. Reverting "back to your old way" would be the LAST thing you'd need to hear.  If only people could say "Well, let's see if you can get yourself out of the woods this time and find something worthwhile to live for".

You boss should have just come in with chocolates.    The processing of a job not being "held" for much longer whist you are in hospital is so wrong !!!!!!!!!!!!  All that stuff really can wait.  An employer can ALWAYS hire a temporary or casual worker to fill in.    I'm running  a big band and writing the music.  On the odd ocassion I'm not up to rehearsing them I book someone else without even thinking about it.  It's like Play School - they just use different presenters.   That's possibly the most stupid thing I've ever heard an employer say to a sick person.   It's almost like he too is blaming you for being sick.

Adios, David.

[MaryG]

Hey Paul,

I really hope you can get through this. Please keep in contact and keep looking for help. It is out there. Your boss is an idiot. Your wife maybe doesn't know what else to say or do. I don't know your circumstances. 

I too hate the whole guilt approach from people (who are probably trying to help and don't know what else to say I guess) regarding suicide it is always "think about the people who love you and care about you and how they'll feel" I get that and it is a good thing to think about when you are lucid, but in my own experience by the time I have got to the point of contemplating suicide, I have separated myself so completely from all I care about and the people I love that playing the guilt card does nothing. I wouldn't be at that point if I cared about how my family was feeling. I am just looking for relief and the last thing I need is feeling more guilt. 

People aren't equipped to deal with mental illness. They don't know what to say or do. If you had a broken leg, would your boss react the same way? If you had a broken leg, people would ask if you're in pain, or how you are feeling, can they do anything to help?

Like I said, please keep in contact. And don't give up on finding help.

Mary