Is there anyone else

[Bec_Luke]

Hi all.

I'm 19yrs of age and this is my first time posting on here. About 6 and a half months ago before I got diganosed with depression, my life and things started to all come together and was working out.

But it wasn't until I got really sick it was when my life had changed.for a few years up until now and onwards, bi have been seeing a phsycologist and my GP. I was put on medication but it has been a slow process and I know that its still going to take me a while for  me to fully recover.  I have no one else in my life to support and who really loves me, except for my partner.  We had been together 3 months before I had gotten sick, there had been a few ups and downs in our relationship that had been hard and I guess im never gonna hear the end of it. He has been with me all this time, which I dearly cant explain how much I appreciate that. Due to my past childhood experience and this illness, is so hard.

I've find it really hard to relate with other people or build new friendships. My partner is a social person who has a really good group of friends that I have never had. I would go a long with him when we go out to his friends gatherings, how ever in find it hard to relate to as they are old schoolmates and friends of his not mine. Every time we go out I kind of feel l the outsider,  the lonely one. I've tried having conversations but its hard because,  all there is to talk about are just the general things in life. Apart from that theres nothing else to talk about. I know my partner is trying hard to get me out and meet his friends and get to know them, but its really hard to when either of you  cant relate, I've been told by my gp that its normal in many relationships like this however, I have been told its weather hus friends are willing to accept the other half of the relationship. But its only a regular thing that these gather8ngs happen. Its playing a big part on the relationship as its hard to want both a social life and a commited life as mt partner has told me. Iv recently cut down on my medication because im changing to another type. Im seeing another dr now as well as my phsycologist and gp, but at times I just feel like things are so hard and no 9ne can hear or under stand me and I just dont know what to do anymore . My life feels like a roller coaster and it just feels like forever to recover from. I find every day hard sometimes  and I feel that my relationship is slipping away. At time I just dont feel like my partner knows why or whats going on. Eventhough on occasions its happened before and has be3n explained to. I know it must be really hard for him but I just feel that his caught up in just him self and doesnt notice. I juat have no one else in my life and I just dont know what to do anymore. I feel like ive tried/trying and im finding things so hard right now, I just don't know what to do. 

If there is anyone who can understand,  it just be nice to just  to have someone to chat to, someone who I can relate with. 

[The_Real_David_Charles]

Dear Bec Luke,

Maybe you need some interest of friends of your own rather than questing after your partners social circle and feeling like you don't fit in.  The important thing is whether you feel you fit in with yourself.

This is my (2 year at responding 5 or 6 times a day) er, 3,520th response !   Your situation is very common especially amongst depressive sufferers.   Not only do you feel ostracised by your partners friends but you also feel guilty that you can't be accepted and join in.  It's like a self perpetuating friendship pain.  But, wait, 19 yrs is supposed to be a bit rocky and self defining.  You might be lucky and stay with your partner or hit a problem and start again with someone else.  But, in all this, you need to be secure and confident in yourself.  Or at least a bit more flexible.  Counting the relationship months is a tad anxious.  If it's good, it's good.

My wife has a million friends and a zillion music students to tend to.  I have my big band music to write and the dog to walk.   We have separate identities but are a good match.  It's not that I can't socialise with her friends when I want to.  And she has the sounding board of my good listening nature to re-tell events and enjoy reflecting on her outgoings.   Then I'll say that the neighbour is angry because one of our cats poos on his roses.  So we are worlds apart in socialising but the same in making the relationship work (and my cat is only trying to fertilise & assist !).

Even when people stay together and get married there is always one relative that says "I give them 6 months".  Friendship criticism is very predictable.   When you let it affect you it's the worst thing as you are feeding into the chaos.  Just accept that it's difficult right now and maybe they'll stop hassling you before Christmas.  You know, the anticipation of an extra present is a hard drug to ignore.

Adios, David.

[vip]

Bec keep the communication up with your partner even get beyond blue to send you out an information package and maybe get your partner to read it so he understands it better. My husband has no idea about depression so i rely on my gp and psych to get me through the dificult times and i also have a few friends i can chat with that suffer with panic attacks anxiety ect. It has taken me 22 yrs to recover from depression i am off medication now but i still have to work really hard at it also hopefully your recovery wont be that long hang in there and im sure you will get some more replies. Hope this helps take care