When will I feel like "me" again?

[Faithh]

Hi guys,

Ive been feeling so disconnected, emotional, sad and frustrated with myself.

Ive been going through some anxiety tagged along with some mild depression and the healing process is getting me down because im not where i want to be. and often wonder when i feel like me again.

Theres been an emergency in my family a couple of days ago and naturally this has triggered my anxiety ("oh no what if that happens to me") which sounds selfish when i read it out loud, but thats what ive been thinking to the point of creating my own symptoms. So that coupled with the sadness im feeling for my family member has been very hard for me. Im trying to be strong for them (thankfully they are pulling through now) but im also trying to be strong for me too.

I schedule my motivation but i feel myself treading water somewhat this week.

I constantly ask myself, when will i feel normal, when will i feel "right", when will I feel like me again... am I losing my mind? My eyes watering even writing this.

Im going to the gym and exercising at least 3 days a week, i eat well, i have support but this current situation has pushed me back a few steps.

Any words of encouragement and familiarity to the situation would be really helpful right now.

Thanks BBB (Beyond Blue Buddies)

Faithh

[white knight]

Hi again faithh,

You are doing all the right things but that doesnt garrantee your mood or tolerance. It all helps but there are too many variables that stop any stability. The weather, unexpected bills, tiredness, a sad tv show etc can all be triggers. Often we dont know what the trigger is or if there is a trigger at all. How can you blame yourself?

With all these unknowns acceptance of ones illness is important before you can move forward.

Google

Topic: acceptance, is this our biggest goal?- beyondblue

Topic: acceptance, a golden goal- beyondblue

Topic: accepting yourself, the frog and the scorpion- beyondblue

There is also imo a spiral one travels down if we let it. Here are a few guidelines l followed...

Dont be hard on yourself. Your fragility will surface when tested, like an unwell family member

Recovery doesnt have a timescale. It could take a long time. Recovery cant be rushed.

Prioritise your activities. Eg show support for your relative then rest. Refrain from gatherings and club events. Rest.

Who is "me". Your illness is part of you. Best to make friends with this rather than fighting it and being frustrated.

Topic: do we expect a smooth roadroad in life?- beyondblue

Acknowledge what happiness means to you

Topic: happiness, What should be your goal?- beyondblue

Hopefully one day it will dawn on you that you have succeeded in recovering your mental strength. You can then concentrate on being YOU.

Topic: Success!!! 53 years of hell now 5 years of contentment- beyondblue

Topic: depression and the timing of motivation- beyondblue

A lot to read. Even just the first page of those threads will assist you.

You'll be ok MP.

Tony WK

[Faithh]

Hello again Tony.

Thanks for your advice and the links! I'll start having a read and hopefully it will help 🙂

I know it takes time, it's just the frustration and fear holding me back, but I've been through a time like this before about 4 years ago and came through the other side a champion (Yes a champion!) So I'm holding hope that I will do it again!

Thank again for responding, I was starting to think nobody understood! 🙂

Faithh

[geoff]

hello Faithh, it's good that you are trying to be strong for your family and you maybe able to do this, but at the other end how are you going to be, because what can happen is that people support the rest of their family/friends to help them get over this emergency, but eventually collapse when they know that all the others are coping, and then sink into a black hole, I hope that I'm wrong here.
Now you have to realise that it's time you have to look after yourself, your first priority, because when you aren't feeling well, then it's so difficult to be able to put on a brave face when underneath you are struggling, and the chance that you could break down in front of them, that's completely understandable.
We often suggest that people do go the gym when they are feeling low, and yes it can help some of them, but if you are just forcing yourself to go, then it's going to certainly be hard work, and wonder whether it's beneficial or not.
You can't overcome any of this by yourself, even though you may believe that you can, sure you maybe able to help yourself with a couple of issues, but these are only superficial problems and not those deep down problems that will keep reoccurring, and that's why you should see your doctor who may prescribe medication and then refer you to a psychologist on a mental health plan, where you can have10 free visits per year.
I hope that you can get back to us. Geoff.