When the future looks so black

Catatonic · ‎10-08-2013

How do you continue... When the future looks so black? When your mind is only telling you one way out? But that would leave a trail of devastation behind you... Its so hard to keep going, but the alternative knowing that you would hurt the ones you love - isn't an option your willing to do...

These thoughts consume my head a lot...

The_Real_David_Charles · ‎10-08-2013

Dear Catatonic,

We always hurt the ones we love. From the small "Who had the last piece of chocolate ?" to the big "I HATE YOU ! I HATE YOU ! I HATE YOU !".

Getting more serious why would loved ones stick around ? If things are going off the rails there's always someone still worrying about us. I don't think they ever receive an award or standing ovation. They just reckon they should be there. And some are even resiliant or forgiving.

Humans are always challenging themselves. You could be a bigger challenge. But even if family and friends can't help there is always the safety net of medical professionals, hospital and treatment. I'm not sure making decisions about one's life has such a big effect on the world. An injured sportsman quickly gets replaced, a Primeminister gets shafted, a lover gets jilted, etc, and a day or so later no one remembers the fallen. The "What next ?" or "What if ?" push on forever.

Hope your head gets some stress relief - a walk, watching the clouds whilst lying on the grass, zoning out with a movie DVD flicking popcorn at the worst actor....

Adios, David.

sadandlonely · ‎10-08-2013

I understand the feeling exactly. You know that you can't go there, but sometimes you just want to stop being. That if you aren't there, the bleakness will be gone. You have to try to find positives to concentrate on, and pull yourself up out of the dark feelings to focus on bettering your moods.

geoff · ‎11-08-2013

dear Catatonic, this blackness of the black dog, why the hell do we have to experience the trials and tribulations of this illness no one knows why, there are many religious beliefs that can justify this, but this justification never makes any sense to me, because it's not valid.

There is no reason why millions of people have to suffer from depression, what's the point, to make us appreciate the good times in life, that is if there are good times, or is it for us to feel the devastation and debilitating times that can happen in life, but why, why do we have to suffer there is no reason at all.

Not only do we have to go through this journey but also the ones that we love, as they worry about us, and desperately want us to rejoin them in life, and to overcome depression.

I am not religious at all, but somehow I found this on the net looking for trials and tribulations,'Trials develop godly character, and that enables us to "rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us”.

Take this as how you feel, and now back to earth.

If we decide to take our own life, the trial of sadness will continue down through our family, with the possibility of depression being created for them all.

I know that you are suffering so badly and can totally relate to this feeling, it's horrible, awful and we still wonder why we are the ones that have to suffer. L Geoff. x

1963 · ‎11-08-2013

Dear Catatonic, the phrase 'thoughts consuming your head' rings home with me. I think we depression sufferers think too much. And that's easy to say but harder to change. The fact you posted means you are doing something positive rather than just continuing to think & ruminate. I hope you come out of this dark place soon & enjoy some of the 'lightness' of life, even if it's just a few enjoyable activities that take your mind off things.

'63

The_Real_David_Charles · ‎11-08-2013

Dear Catatonic,

All the above responses are good but I would add that suicidal ideation, if processed enough times, does tend to become the first thought when depressed. It's like we fine tune our minds to fail us.

I sorted out about 20 DVD's that had been viewed and left to be put away and although it was a mind numbing experience it focused my thinking on something easy to do and by the end of it I felt like I'd achieved something. We really should embrace the small things that are do-able rather than go for broke and get more upset, disappointed or frumpy.

Adios, David.

PS I even discovered that the Jennifer Lopez/Richard Gere "Shall we Dance" effort had copied the same title from a Ginger Rogers/Fred Astaire movie of eons earlier !

missbbop · ‎12-08-2013

Whats an emotion? Whats a feeling? Are they the same thing? If im sad then thats an emotion, when i cry im emotional. I feel sad well that's a feeling and i cry because im feeling sad. If your happy well thats an emotion/feeling, so i guess when i laugh im emotional. Whats a word for the feeling of happiness for say a prolonged period of time or the term for someone that laughs alot, it's just happiness or happy isnt it. So if someone is sad for a prolonged period of time and cries alot why is this just not called sadness or sad. So its been given a label, depression and alas it has evolved, it now has an entity. Most people that i have encountered that suffer from prolonged periods of sadness and stress freeze, they become stuck in the moment, use the term depression as a badge for what really is mental weakness/laziness, they become dependent and burdensome, its just to hard and exhausting for them work through these hard hitting human emotion, they hit a hurdle and thats them. Mental health like physical health, it comes easy to some people, that does not mean that if you have not got that natural athleticism you don't bother trying. Or alternatively if you choose not to then own that and live with your decision and don't expect a quick fix or someone to carry your load. Own it, seize it and work on it because at the end of the day it is your problem and your problem alone.