What to do...?

[Apoko]

Hi All,

I have only really talked to my gp about my mental health and am on medication. Have been for over a year now.My wife says she wants me talk to her about it all but I cant.. I have done in the past and it got thrown in my face.

Today has been a real struggle, worst it's been for a while.

I have been reading up on putting myself into a hospital and the cost side of it has put me off as we are struggling with money as it is.

Not really sure where to go from here, hoping someone could point me in the right direction?

Thanks

[Sophie_M]

Welcome to the forums, Apoko

We're so grateful that you have reached out to our community tonight, we know that it is not an easy thing to do but it is so important that you have. We're really sorry to hear that you're struggling right now, we understand this must be especially tough to cope with if you struggle to open up to others and reach out. But please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgemental space to talk about your thoughts and feelings, and our wonderful community is here to provide you with as much support, advice and conversation as you need.

Please know that help is always available to you, and we would really recommend getting in touch with our Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport One of the friendly counsellors can offer you some support as well as advice and referrals to help you through this.

In addition to this, the counsellors at Lifeline and Suicide Call Back Service are always available to you during your most difficult moments:

•  Lifeline - 13 11 14 (online chat available 7pm-12am at https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/Online-Services/crisis-chat)
•  Suicide Call Back Service - 1300 659 467 (online chat available 24/7 at https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au)
   

Many of our members have also been through a lot in their lives and will be able to talk through these feelings with you.  If you would like to post further, please tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best help support you.
 

[Croix]

Dear Apoko~

Welcome here, I'm glad Sophie_M has already talked to you and pointed out some of the places you can contact if you get overwhelmed. Please don't be shy about using them, they are after all there specifically for you. There is comfort in a sensible human voice.

The Suicide Call Back Service Sophie mentions is my favorite as I can talk more than one,without having to repeat myself, and can even ask for the same staff member if they are on shift. You do not have to be right at crisis point before you ring, they will listen and offer advice anyway.

A couple of things:

The first being if you are not deriving enough benefit from your treatment - and you sound very much like you are not, then I strongly suggest you have a long consultation with your doctor and discuss options, including looking at your medication and possibly also therapy.

Also I was wondering why you wife was asking you abut your feelings then throwing them in your face.

I guess there are many reasons for her asking, the most common being straight concern, and if things are thrown back that might be due to a lack of understanding, frustration, or not knowing what to say or do.

A common one is 'you have a good life, you should not feel bad?'

So may I ask you why you think your wife does this?

If it is a case of not understanding as she has never had a similar experience can I suggest you have a read of the THE FACTS Menu at the top of every page

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts

As I do not know the nature of your mental illness I'm not able to point you at a specific set of pages. However if you read though you will find what is familiar; its causes, signs, and treatments, even how to talk with others.

You may well find exactly what you need, and if your wife is moved by concern letting her to read them too may help her understand your situation and know what to do.

So please do come back and say what is on your mind

Croix

[geoff]

Hello Apoko, thanks for your comment.

When you told your wife once before, it hasn't gone as you hoped it would and that's why you are frightened to open up once again and I can relate to what you're saying as the same happened with me.

What your doctor says to you is private and only if you want, you can tell a friend/person who is nonjudgemental and a listening ear where you feel comfortable opening up and expressing how you feel.

It can be much different trying to answer questions by a spouse/partner where you are asked anything about how you are feeling, which in turn, you might not have discussed with your doctor or perhaps you have, so the scenario with your doctor can be much more pleasant than a spouse asking you.

My answers would be different from my GP/psychologist than answering my wife.

There is a mental health plan which your GP can organise, this entitles you to 10 Medicare paid sessions per year to talk to a psychologist/psychiatrist.

It could be advisable to ask your GP/psychologist on how you can answer when your wife asks you a question.

Take care and hope to hear back from you.

Geoff.

[Balance]

Hi Apoko,

I am really sorry you are having a hard time at the moment. You are not alone.

A journey of a thousand miles starts with one single step.

1. Moving forward starts with yourself. This week, you could chose to think ... "things will change ... there is HOPE".

2. You might benefit to get a referral to a Psychiatrist, he/she will advise you so you can have professional help regarding the next step (Public Hospitals are for free).

3. It's hard not to be understood ... it's equally as hard to understand Mental Illness. Become a team, you two will need each other and can benefit greatly from walking this journey together. My husband's care and input have been pivotal in my healing.Two are stronger than one.

4. Looking back on past conversations lets you be stuck in the past ... living THIS DAY MONDAY ... that's were your power lies. Regarding not getting the result you had hoped for by opening up:

"A fisherman trows out his net again and again ... although it comes in empty from time to time".

5. Make Patience and Openness your friend.

Wishing you all the very best.

B

[White_Rose]

Dear Apoko

Hello and welcome to the forum. I am pleased you found your way here where we can offer support. It is difficult to talk to people at times about your mental health which is why it's good you have spoken to your GP. I wonder if your wife feels you are blaming her for your difficulties. Not specifically but this is what she feels you are inferring. I believe it's always a good idea to get as much knowledge as you can about mental ill-health. Croix has already pointed you to the BB information and I suggest you download any of the fact sheets you feel are appropriate. You can print off some to give to your wife if she is open to reading them.

There is a booklet specifically for family and friends but you must send for this. No charge, order on the BB site. Your wife may find this helpful.

Have you thought of meeting with a psychologist or psychiatrist. I know the name psychiatrist makes people back off but it is a cheaper option than a psychologist with the added bonus of having an expert who can prescribe medication. You can see a psychologist and get a Medicare rebate for ten sessions per year. The gap fee is very similar to that of a psychiatrist fee. After your ten visits you will have to pay the whole fee yourself which may not suit you at the moment. It's true some psychiatrists charge an unjustified (in my opinion) exorbitant amount so check the fees first. At the very least you will get an answer about your mental health.

Meanwhile, please feel free to talk about any aspect you wish.

Mary