Where do i begin, ive been depressed, had behavioral issues most of my
life. but recently over the past 2 days, its gotten to the point where
ive had suicidal thoughts. But here's the backstory Growing up i was
physically, mentally and at two points ...
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Where do i begin, ive been depressed, had behavioral issues most of my
life. but recently over the past 2 days, its gotten to the point where
ive had suicidal thoughts. But here's the backstory Growing up i was
physically, mentally and at two points sexually abused. My mother was
abusive, schizophrenic and on drugs, dad was a alcoholic and not ended
up moving to Sydney growing up. My father was out of the picture pretty
much after the divorce. He was an alcholic, gambler and suffered
depression himself because of his parents dying. I didn't know at the
time how he felt but seeing him as bad as he was just got to me. He
passed away in august 2014. And its what triggered my depression. I
stopped going out, i stopped doing things i liked, i basically went into
this shell. Not talking to anyone, started drinking more. not eating,
showering, not wanting to get outta bed. I think it was the big tipping
point for me. Since that day it comes and goes in waves. not long after
his passing, its fathers day and 2 weeks after that would have been his
birthday. So august/September is really had for me emotionally. I did
something in my past that my family found out about, so now they dont
talk to me which im fine with. We haven't been much of a family at all.
I lost friendships due to this also. I havent told anyone this at all,
not even my close friend of 26 years. Lately all ive been thinking about
is killing myself, no one will miss me when im gone, no one will greive
for me if i went through with it. even had a suicidal thought about a
hour ago at the time im writing this. I dont think talking about it will
help because everyone i talk to either 1. Dosent understand 2. Dosent
know what to say 3. And this is the most common, say ill be here always,
you can tell me, and then f***s off. Its happened so often ive lost
count I dont usually open up like this but i need to know im not alone
feeling like this right? its so f***en hard to talk and convey how im
feeling but it feels like i dont have much choice left.
How do I talk to my doctor?
