What’s wrong with me

[Cherry84]

I’ve been told I have untreated postnatal depression after having my 2 girls ages 2 and 3 (I have 2 older teenage boys as well) What does that mean?! I love my kids dearly and they have kept me alive and pushing on but I can’t stand home life, I would rather sit alone and speak to no one. I barely sleep and when it’s time to get up I would rather lie in bed. My work has taken a back seat and I am not motivated the way I used to be. I withdraw from people that want to talk especially my husband and I know he’s just trying to help. Any little disagreement or attitude from my sons I completely melt down, like I’m ready to run away. Matter of fact this weekend I did and here I am. I’ve spoken to the boys in the past about how I’m feeling and what’s happening , I thought they would care and try to help.. nope . I feel like I’ve completely failed as their mum and that I’ve raised what feels like such uncaring humans, now I feel like I’m failing my daughters to because I can’t get myself straight. I’ve failed as a wife to an amazing husband who is just trying to help and just all in all failing at life.
I tried speaking to someone, I hated the way she spoke to me, the way we would speak normal and then when I spoke about wanting to disappear the time changes and I’m told to ‘just be kind to myself’ instantly I blocked everything she said out and started to lie for the remainder of our sessions about how well I’m doing. I’m good at this now, faking it, just seems the norm. It all comes in waves, sometimes I genuinely am feeling good! But I felt things building up and now I’m back to wanting to disappear or run away from everything and everyone. I feel like I don’t want anyone’s help because it all sounds the same, I’m not even sure what I want to hear!! I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do! Surely this can’t last forever.
there’s so much more I could say but that will do for now.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Cherry84, 

We are so sorry to hear that you are feelin this way right now. It sounds like you have an awful lot on your plate and we can understand that you are feeling low right now. Thank you for being brave and for sharing your story with us today, you never know when someone else will read your words and feel less alone in what they are going through. 

We really recommend you get in touch with PANDA (Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia) who are the experts in this field. They can talk to you about how you are feeling from experience. They are experts in the pressures of parenting and how Perinatal anxeity and depression can impact on our lives. You can reach them on 1300 726 306 or check out their website.

You could also consider looking into the MumMoodBooster program which looks to support mums who are feeling similiarly to how you are. You don't have to talk to anyone, but can learn in a self-paced way. 

You can also always call us on 1300 22 4636 to talk through any feelings you may be having. We are here for you whenever you need us.

Thank you again for you post today, we hope that you are able to see the strength it took to write this post and allow this important conversation to happen. Please feel free to check back in with us and let us know how you are feeling, or join in on other conversations that you connect with on the forums. 

Kind regards, 
Sophie M

[quirkywords]

Cherry

welcome to the forum and thanks for being honest in explaining how you really feel.

Depression is such a cruel illness that makes us feel we are hopeless and failing. In fact I can see you are a great mum who cares so much about her children.
MumMoodBooster is a helpful website that offers support for mums.

I am sorry when you reached out for help to have someone reply with a cliche.

when my children were young I felt overwhelmed at times but seemed to be coping well. I learnt later a few of my friends were struggling but no one would talk about it.
By writing here people reading will not feel alone .

Take care we are listening.

[Petal22]

Hi Cherry84,

Wellcome to our forums!

Im sorry you are feeling this way.

Ok if your post natal depression is untreated how do you feel about having it treated now ? It’s never too late. You can live a full life

Im sorry that the previous person you spoke to wasn’t helpful for you. Please try some one new.

There are post natal clinics that help people who are going through post natal anxiety and depression usually up until the child is 5.

A clinical psychologist and a psychiatrist usually work at the same practice and deal with post natal anxiety and depression.

Please call PANDA as Sophie has suggested I think they could help you.

Please seek the treatment you need to recover life really can be great after these conditions.