What has my life come to

[IsThisIt_]

I dont know what to say, I have never posted before. Until recently I didnt know I was depressed, I just thought I was unlucky in life and a good person so thats why people use me. I thought eventually if I was a good person and worked hard that life would work out for the best but now Im 35 and alone with a terrible life.

My friends only reach out if i reach out first, I feel so alone. I now avoid functions because its awkward especially when i get asked "how have you been" what can I say? I have been shit and my life is over which will ruin the mood. Everyone wants you to be happy all the time.

I went into real estate and was actually good at it but made the decision I wanted to get better and improve my career only to hit the wall of bad times over and over again. I see many people doing well who are horrible people and do unlawful things yet they have good lives and i have nothing trying to do the right thing. Had a "friend" offer me the world when his office went down hill and wanted my help while he was over seas to help the office, only to stuff me around and not offer me a job after I was there for 2 months. Now Im in a shit job doing labouring where the boss treats me like rubbish so mentally im drained. I have to accept it so i get a pay cheque as Im very poor now which makes me cry that Im such a disappointment that I have to put up with bad people.

To add to it, my girlfriend just gave up on me because she couldnt see a happy like with me. She wanted the big dates and fun times yet I couldnt be that person all the time in a state like this. She just saw my bad luck and depression as excuses, maybe I should have opened up about my depression months ago but how do you start that conversation with someone that wants you to be happy?

I just dont know where to go from here. My friend just reached out and I told him about work and the breakup but he just ran, no one likes the conversation so again, I am alone. I guess this is my life and I need to accept it, some people are not meant to be happy. But I dont know if this is the life I can accept, lucky I have my 2 dogs to keep me company so I have to stay on this path to provide for them.

I just dont know what to do to be happy or if being happy is possible.. sorry for the rant guys, I just had to speak and could cry to myself any more

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

This is why this forum exists, its where we depressed go for comfort amongst our own.

Google

Beyondblue Topic they just wont understand, why?

Also, I see a trend that the mentally ill are truthful people, which means vulnerable, easily seen by predators in an evil world.

Beyondblue Topic fortress of survival part 2

With depression, try not to fight it. Better to accepr and work with it.

Beyondblue Topic acceptance, is this our biggest challenge?

Dont forget, there are mamy people out there that need treatment themselves, like cruel individuals

Beyondblue Topic so what are their mental illnesses?

Right now you need to gather yourself, see your friends when you are happy and regulate your life.

Beyondblue Topic the best praise you'll ever get

Beyondblue Topic the timing of motivation

Beyondblue Topic worry worry worry

I hope you google those threads and benefit.

Repost anytime

TonyWK

[therising]

Hi IsThisIt and welcome!

It is definitely taxing when living in a constant state of conflict. It can be exhausting mentally, physically and spiritually. The spiritual aspect is not a religious thing, it's more so to do with our sense of connection to life itself. Basically, it's impossible to feel a deep energetic connection to life whilst we're in the middle of a full on battle.

From what you say, you do appear to be facing a lot of conflict:

• I want to be treated with respect in my workplace vs To stay in my workplace I have to put up with being treated disrespectfully
• I want friends to reach out to me occasionally vs I have to reach out to friends all the time
• Everyone wants me to be happy all the time vs I can't be happy all the time
• Regarding the real estate experience, I wanted to remain someone with great integrity vs To do well, I needed to let go of much of my integrity

You do sound like a reasonable person. It is reasonable to expect respect from others, to have friends reach out occasionally, to express mental or emotional hardship and to live a life of great integrity. I imagine you to be a thoughtful person surrounded by people who have been somewhat lacking in this trait.

In regard to conflict, I suggest it is fairly easy to maintain our sense of identity when we're challenged by one person alone. We can dismiss their behaviour by telling our self that they are simply different from us. It is overwhelming when we are surrounded by people who challenge us. When we become surrounded, the question that can begin playing in our mind is 'What's wrong with me?' In truth, sometimes it is not necessarily us in need of time for reflection. Sometimes we may be surrounded by those in desperate need of a little soul-searching.

With clinical depression, it goes a lot deeper than us questioning our social identity. 'The 4 chemicals for happiness' is an interesting online search for a start. Gaining greater understanding when it comes to how our identity works through mental processing (mind) and biological reactions/chemistry (body) can go toward us reconnecting with life in new ways (spirit). All 3 aspects involve states of energy, which explains why we can be left feeling highly emotional or drained at times.

Speaking to someone who can help you identify yourself, in a variety of constructive ways, may be the way to go. Consulting a mental health professional is simply one way of getting to know our self and how we tick a little better.

Take care