What do you do when no one will listen?

[Raven666]

Hey, I, umm, new here and really don't know what i'm doing. I'm 25 female and been having a tough time. Had a break down at work 3 or 4 years or so ago and been struggling since. For 3 years I was seeing Psychologists, Psychiatrists,GP, getting medicated and all that but no one seems to really want to listen to what I say. I keep getting fed lines like "You're young", "you've got your whole life ahead of you", "Your pretty". I keep feeling like i'm getting dismissed a lot. Yes i'm small, yes i'm built "petite", yes i'm young but that shouldn't mean i should get dismissed, does it? I've read the Psych reports on me and one Psych said I "chose" this and the other said I "overreact". Half the time they don't even give me enough time to arrange my thoughts, and how to word things properly. I don't know what I can do. I've been giving it my all, its taking a lot of strength and will out of me and i keep getting stone walled. I try and i try and i try and nothing happens... I'm finding it hard to continue on, i'm struggling to survive with all this stone walling and deaf ears around me. I'm standing on my last leg and I'm in need of help. Can anyone help me?

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[White_Rose]

Dear Raven

Hello and thank you for sharing your story. Welcome to Beyond Blue. I think many people here can relate to your experience. It really is sad when the profession that is supposed to have the skills to help are not prepared to to take the time to find out what is happening. The reality is that there are some great doctors and psychs out there and there are some less than useful.

I suspect many of the comments you received are meant to be reassuring but appear patronizing or disinterested. Being young and pretty is very nice but does not make lives easy because of that. My GP tells me I overreact but helps me to come up with ways to manage this. She explains how I overreact and where. I have learned so much with her help (and I'm neither young or pretty).

First part, how confident do you feel about your GP? Are you happy to continue seeing him/her? If not, then I suggest you consult the list of medical practitioners available on BB and consult another GP. Scroll down to the bottom of the page and click on Find A Professional. This will take you to a search function where you can look for a doctor by postcode. These doctors have experience in managing mental health issues. Just look for a GP at this stage.

Make an appointment with a GP if there is one near you. If not, try another GP in your area. Or simply stay with your current GP. Before you see the doc, sit down and write all about yourself. How long you have felt this way, when did it start, what was the trigger (if you know), how do you feel. Explain your frustration about previous practitioners and what you expected them to do. We do have unrealistic expectations of doctors etc at times so this would be a good opportunity for a doctor to discuss this if it applies.

I'm sorry if you have already done anything like this before. I often get frustrated when I cannot articulate my thoughts and I have found it helps tremendously to write down what I want to say. So if the last session with someone was upsetting, write about it and show the person next time.

I have been extremely fortunate to have my lovely GP and I know she is very picky about who she refers me to. I have also been fortunate with the psychologist I see. He will listen, even when I talk what I think is nonsense. Both docs have no hesitation in telling me some of the less palatable things, but they are so positive about it and gentle. I don't feel as though I have been told off, just reminded of reality.

Out of words. Hope you reply.

Mary

[Raven666]

Hey White Rose Mary, thanks for posting. Yeah I have done those things, writing is the only way i can kinda make sense of the confusion in my head (tho not in proper order of events, my memory has become shocking) One of the main problems i have is they keep treating me like i'm 6 not 25, the patronizing condescending tone of voice always used on recalcitrant children. I do have some very severe trust issues so even though i know i have to tell them practically everything going on in my head, what i'm feeling, what i believe may have led to this, all of it I can't. I don't trust them. Another problem is I know what needs to be done and what to do its just getting there that's the problem. I am a very stubborn and proud person i'll admit, have a big streak of independence in my nature. My mum has spent years nurturing and honing our intuition and survival instinct. I've studied Psychology in yr 11 and 12, helped countless others through their mental health issues, researched and studied it so i know its no walk in the park and can be the biggest test of our will power, sense of self and strength. If i get pushed, i push back. I do things in my  own time and being constantly reminded of what has to be done and what to do is frustrating me. I know i need to do it but getting there is the problem and its all push push push until the stress of all that pushing makes me worse. I have also come across some songs that can explain how i'm feeling. I wrote it all down and gave it to my psych every week or two i had an appointment. at first he seemed to listen and said i am actually of a rare % of people who don't follow whats "in the book". instead of fight or flight i freeze. Apparently i have a defense mechanism, Disassociative Disorder. Its just I hate being pushed when i know i'm not ready and with no one taking me seriously and listening to what is being said or written its not only trying my patience and draining what hope I have but also confirming what i've been thinking for years of i'm not needed, not wanted. My own family thinks i'm lying and faking it.  

[geoff]

dear Raven, hello and thanks for giving us the opportunity in talking to you.

What I tend to believe is that some psychologists look at us and think that it's possible for us to overcome our depression or snap out of what we are suffering from, but this doesn't happen to all of them, as there are some who are so genuine in wanting to help us through this dark patch.

I saw my psychologist yesterday and told him that I'm sick of falling over or tripping on something small that I don't see, his remarks were 'why don't you do eye exercises and improve your eye muscles', well this absolutely stunned me, I couldn't believe what I was hearing, so now I have grave doubts on whether I will go back.

In contrast the psychologist before him I saw for about 20 years, she was great, remembered all the names and where they were in my life, but she left and now has breast cancer which I am deeply sorry for.

Why is it that we can help other mates/friends when they need it but won't return the same favour, is it because they think that we know all the answers because we have helped them, or could it be that they don't have any answers because we should know them all, I don't know it's the toss of the coin.

I once liked this new psych, but slowly I have been thinking that he just wants me to sign the form and send me on my way.

When I mention anything he always has an answer for it whether I agree to it or whether I don't, OK this could happen most of the time, but the point of view should be open for discussion with the emphasis of the patient thinking aloud of what he/she does actually think.

All of this is just like pushing a wheelbarrow uphill full of concrete.

As Mary has said have a look at Find a Professional, because I'm going to do exactly this. L Geoff. x

[Raven666]

Hey l Geoff thanks for posting. I have to admit at first I also thought I could snap out of it. I was hoping it was just the once off thing that all people get. You snap, fall into a pit and get out again. Which is why it took me so long to go to centrelink. And my gp situation just got worse. My gp is on maternity leave and I need her right now. Centrelink put me into a job agency and they're pushing me to start job searching. I know I am not ready to work just yet. Even the 15hrs a week they want I can't do yet. They've given me a month to go back to my gp, review mental health plan, get medicated again and start going back to a psychologist. It's too much hassle to go for a new gp. I'd have to meet them, give permission for file transfer and have them do the same tests and answer the same questions all over again. 

[White_Rose]

Hey Geoff, I used to tell my psych that I had fallen over that day or the day before etc. It took me ages to realise he thought I meant literally , not metaphorically. My guess is your psych is thinking along the same lines and thinks you are complaining about your eyesight. If it wasn't so serious it would be hilarious.

I would be tempted to go back just to tell him the real situation and suggest he ask more questions before making off the cuff comments.

Psychs definitely need a sense of humour and the ability to think metaphorically. I'm sure most of them have no idea.

Mary

[White_Rose]

Dear Raven

Thanks for your reply. I can see how your difficulties seem to stretch into infinity. I suggest you break the whole thing into small steps and do one at a time. Step 1. Make a an appointment with GP. Step 2. See GP. The only way to get to the good health end of the path is to start walking. No I'm not being hard or unsympathetic. Geoff and I have been there, so have so many people on BB. Stop looking at the desired end result as it's enough to make anyone stop working. Instead, look at your feet and the next step and go from there. Please read the post Getting Rid of Magical Thinking in the Staying Well forum. I think you will see the application to your inertia.

Have you read up on Dissociative Disorder? I think it may help you to do this. See if you agree that your symptoms match the literature. Go to your doctor, or a temporary other, and explain what has been said to you. You should not need to go through more tests etc if the previous doctor has recorded all your information.

I know this is a very hard thing to do. But no one can do it for you. Somehow you need to find the strength and courage to start your journey again and keep going. I've lost count of the times I've sat down and cried because it's all too hard. I want out of it all, anyway I can. I want to (and do) scream with rage and frustration, blame everyone I know and those I don't know. But if I rest for too long I will be lost for good. And so will you. Keep moving forward mate. You can do it and you will get to the good part.

Mary

[Mike_101]

Hi Raven

In your initial post you said you had a breakdown at work and have been struggling ever since and your previous GPS, or psychologists wouldn't listen to you or brushed it off.

Do you know what caused your breakdown at work, was it relationship related or was it work related. I'm only curious as it might be post traumatic stress disorder depending on what work you were carrying out at the time.

Depending on the clinician some do tend to brush PTSD away and others take it more seriously. It really just depends on ones stress point as to how events effect different people throughout their life, so your right, the clinicians shouldn't brush it off or say you over react what ever caused your breakdown.

Kind Regards
Mike

[Raven666]

Hey Mike. Yeah umm I'm not sure exactly what it was that caused my breakdown. I'm thinking it was a culmination of things. I worked in warehousing, picking packing, forklift, despatch, receiving, all of it. Within months of each other I had two injuries during my work, which restricted how much work I could do. I had the stress of being in a male dominate industry at which being 5'2 woman, no one would listen to any ideas I had to improve job productivity. I was basically subjected to sexism tho they had no problem with me doing a 3 man job. I know this is gonna sound stupid but I had also watched a very scary movie which put me on edge, I didn't sleep that night, made me paranoid... After all that happening bout a week or so later I was at lunch and broke down. I have been diagnosed with major depression and anxiety with borderline BPD. 

[Raven666]

Hey white rose, good news. Sorry it took so long to reply. I saw my new GP today at my clinic and she seems to know what she's doing. I could only give her a rough outline of what's happened and previous problems with other professionals and she understood. She just needs to check some things and my appointment with her next week will be referrals and more detail into the whole thing. I feel great knowing I have a GP who seems to know what she's doing.