Having a rough time

[Fire_is_catching]

 I have been suffering from depression since I was 13, I am now 25. It hasn't always been a struggle, I have tried to manage it as best as I can. Done the meds thing, I see a psychiatrist... but it never really goes away. The dark, the negative thinking, the stress, the anxiety... it is always there waiting on the sidelines, looking for an opportunity to take over when you're vulnerable and down. I have always been a very private person, I don't reach out well to others, I don't want to burden others with my problems or let others into the jumbled thoughts that bounce around in my head. Its pretty hard trying to deal with it on your own, who do you turn to when you're having a really off day? I decided to go off my anti depressants two weeks ago because the side effects were becoming to much and I had gained alot of weight in a short amount of time, right now though my emotions are stuck on a wild roller coaster ride and I feel my mood slipping into that dark pool, that horrible darkness deep within your soul. Going through a bit of a hard time right now and trying to muster all my strength to overcome it and see the light on the other side.

[geoff]

dear Fire_is_catching, hello, and how sorry I feel for you with this horrible illness.

For you it doesn't appear that you have anyone to talk to, I realise that this isn't easy, because we don't know whether or not anybody would really care and want to listen to what we have to say.

I have to admit that seeing a counsellor while taking AD could never be the answer to our problems, because we have to trust the psych and because you're not having any success with your psychiatrist, I would try and find a psychologist suggested by your doctor, or you can click onto 'Get Support' at the top of this page where you will be able to find one.

Secondly your doctor needs to review your AD's, and if you are finding it difficult paying for your psychiatrist, although many do bulk bill, but for the psychologist you can ask your doctor for a mental health plan, which entitles you to 10 free visits which can happen every year.

I am so pleased that you have posted your comment, you need someone to discuss what is disappointing for you and annoying you, because to suffer by yourself is agony. Geoff.

[White_Rose]

Dear Fire is catching

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. I am sad you are having such a horrible time. Depression is a tricky beast, as you have discovered.

I have to agree with Geoff about your apparent lack of progress with your psychiatrist and the need to change. I went to a psychiatrist for many years and found him most unhelpful. It's taken me a long time to work out the difference between psychiatrists and psychologists. Psychiatrists appear to take a long term view of mental illness, including depression. They want to delve into your past and work out what happened. Then you go through a long process of understanding the effects of past events.

This may well make for a more thorough recovery but meanwhile the client is still hurting, confused and very unhappy. The psychologist also needs to do a bit of probing about the cause of your depression which is OK as a short term process. They seem to move on to managing the depression very quickly which gives the client some relief fairly quickly.

Medication of course can only be prescribed by a doctor who can be your psychiatrist or GP. Psychologists will sometimes recommend a client ask their GP to discuss and prescribe ADs. Having experienced both types of therapists I come down on the side of the psychologist. I find them more approachable and easier to talk to.

As a matter of urgency I suggest you ask your GP to review your medication. It's unfortunate that some ADs cause you to put on weight and this can be a huge source of stress in itself. Can you consider trying another AD? There is a huge range available and in the mix there will be one which works well for you and has no side effects or very minor effects.

As you say, the Black Dog lurks in the shadows, waiting his opportunity to jump out and bite. On these days it is fantastic to have sometime to talk to. You can phone the BB helpline 24/7. The number is 1300 22 4636. You can also contact the Kids Helpline, also available 24/7, on 1800 55 1800. The talk to people up to age 25 so you fit into this category. And because they deal with children they will have insights into your school years of depression. Both of these organisations may be able to put you in touch with people it is safe to talk with. And of course you can always talk with your GP.

I have found it difficult to reach out and now I think I do it too often and become the burden you describe. It's not really the case because we do need the help and support of others.

Whoops, out of words.

Mary