What am I supposed to do?

[Purple818]

I think I have depression, I think I have had it a very long time. How am I supposed to get help? What do I say? I am really afraid. 

[Neil_1]

Hi Purple

I’m sending you an electronic hug for you.  Just for you. 

 I know you’ve only just come on this site, but if you stay for any length of time (and we hope that you do), you’ll fast notice that if you see any replies from me that they are usually very long as usually my mind can work out something ‘ok’ to write and so I do.  But I am really struggling to find words for what you have gone through (and obviously, still ARE going through).  Just a slight warning for you Purple, that this post could end up being quite big as well (what’s new, I hear so many other Beyond Blue members shout out!)  🙂

 I can’t imagine how difficult it must have been for you to write this post that you have … or to open up to your boyfriend about your horrible childhood abuse.  Brave, strong, incredible are just three words that spring to mind when I think what it took for you to write this.

I will say this, that I am very fortunate that I cannot relate to any of this … but I know that there a number of members who come to these forums who unfortunately like you, have had to deal with such issues themselves.  It really hurts me so much to know that these things have happened (and let’s face it, unspeakable acts like this probably still do happen) and it generates so much anger when I think about what all you poor people (innocent children) had to endure – and to endure it all alone. 

Young, innocent, scared, frightened … it makes me so mad when I hear about these things.  But Purple, I’m not mad at you for sharing your story, you know that, don’t you?   I’m just so mad at these animals, these low-life scum who do this. I’m really sorry for that little rant … I hope I haven’t upset you at all with that.  It’s just something that even though I’ve never been affected or know of anyone affected (except for the beautiful people who are on Beyond Blue) it really really gets to me.

I’m definitely with what the Beyond Blue moderator suggested and that you need to please seek out professional assistance and if this can be done as soon as you can, this will be a very good step in trying to help you cope with what you’ve got happening in your head.  And just let me say that what you’ve got in your head must be sheer hell to have there and I feel so much for you.

 Keeping it bottled up is definitely not good and that’s why it is so brilliant that you’ve come here to reach out.  You’ve reached out Purple and you’re going to find a number of hands reaching back to you;  we’ll grab your hand and we’ll take you in with us and we’re going to provide you with as much support, care and advice as you would like.  Nothing too overwhelming … but just whatever it is you need at the time, we’ll be here.  No-one is ever judged on this site and everyone is treated like they deserve to be … with compassion, heart-felt care and most of all, when you’re in need of support, we’ll provide that.  Unfortunately it can only be done via posts and words, but I hope that you can find this to be helpful.

It’s really good that you’ve got questions about the past … perhaps try to jot them down or much easier nowadays is to type them … and as you go along, you may find that you can add to that list.  Type up questions;  type up your feelings … and perhaps if you feel able to, you could take that along to your GP appointment or for the next step where they’ll refer you on to a psych to help you.

I’m sorry if I’ve waffled or vented too much in this post … but I hope that you’ve found some comfort in parts of what I’ve written.  Please do get back to us with how you’re going and I hope that you’re able to make an appointment for yourself, real soon.

Kind regards

 Neil