What am I supposed to do?

Purple818 · ‎15-01-2014

I think I have depression, I think I have had it a very long time. How am I supposed to get help? What do I say? I am really afraid.

Guest_3712 · ‎15-01-2014

Hi Purple818,

What you said in your post is enough for now. Do you have a GP you can talk to? If not there are lots of resources on this site to help you.

Yes it is scary but believe me it is more scary not knowing and trying to deal with this on your own. Please seek some professional help and stay in touch via this site for lots of support.

Take care

Stressless

guest75 · ‎15-01-2014

Hi Purple818

If you think you are suffering depression, please, PLEASE go to see a GP as soon as possible. If you dont feel comfortable talking to your regular GP, make an appointment with another at the same clinic or even at a different clinic.

But please get help ASAP, i ignored the signs, i ignored people telling me i needed to get help, and it has ended up costing me my family

Please dont make the same mistake i did and get help early and dont it take control of you

Jo3 · ‎15-01-2014

Hi Purple818

Well done for coming on here seeking support and advice.

I agree with Stressless, seeing your GP for a referral to a psych or counsellor would be the first step.

Hope you can come back on here and chat again, we all understand what depression is like and support each other.

Take care

Jo

Neil_1 · ‎15-01-2014

Hi Purple818

Welcome to this wonderful supportive and caring site. You’ve done a great thing by taking this first step … it is so often the hardest and longest stride to take. It’s also ok to be afraid and I want to stress to you that there’s no shame in this at all … and also on this site, you can feel free to post (and post often – or as much as you feel you’d like to) and there is no judging done here. We try to take everyone who comes here under our collective wings, firstly to protect them. We offer support, guidance, advice and try to help as much as we possibly can. And it doesn’t matter if someone has been here for a long time and they reach out for support or it’s a first time poster, the support and care is there.

Professional help is now your next step ... and if you’re unsure about your own GP, then please do a search on this site for GP’s who would be located in your local area. These are professionals trained specifically with mental health issues and please get yourself an appointment as soon as you can – and a little something that may help you with your first visit would be if you could possibly sit down before you go and write (or as we tend to do these days, type) down HOW exactly you are feeling – and what symptoms you have. This may help you with your first visit, in case you feel nervous or some other emotion that the human body can project out unsuspectingly when we don’t necessarily want this to happen. You’ll have your piece of paper and either give it to the GP or have it there as a ready reference, in case you need it.

Purple, I hope that this can set you on a path towards helping you … and again, please feel free to post here again. We’d definitely like to support you through this time.

Kind regards

Neil

helpmeplease · ‎15-01-2014

Hi Purple,

Welcome. You have taken a major step by coming on here and reaching out. I have only been on here a few weeks myself but, the one thing I can say it was the best thing I could have done.

Please take the next step and reach out to your GP or any GP will do, you will be amazed at the help available.

Until you feel comfortable doing this please know that everyone on this site are fantastic and understand how you are feeling, so please feel free to unload your thoughts and feelings to us. We are all here for you

HMP

Purple818 · ‎15-01-2014

Thanks for the replies. I always feel worse at night & after I write how I feel, I don't know why I just do. The hardest thing I find to do is to tell people what happened to make me feel this way. I find it hard to say it face to face, because then I guess it makes it more real? I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years now & he is for only people who knows the truth, I only just told her recently. I thought I would feel better after getting it off my chest so many years, but if hasn't really. I feel worse. Unintentionally sometimes it's just the way he looks at me or says something that's makes me feel bad.

When was a kid maybe 8? I can't remember. I was sexually abused by a family member. The very first time it happened I had no idea what to do, I knew it was wrong. I remember feeling sick & crying. I kept getting up to go into my parents room & tell them. But for some reason I was to scared. I chickened out when I finally went in there. Made up some other reason why I was feeling sick. ( I regret not saying anything). As time went on there was more abuse here and there. I hated being alone with this person. One time I stuck up for myself yelled no I & hide in a wardrobe until my parents were home.

It's just not fair, I never got to be a kid, I always hated when he would come over. I am so uncomfortable in my own skin.

I really just hate myself for not telling someone what was happening. But the thing that makes me feel even worse is I feel sorry for this person, what happened to them to make himself do this to a child? Sometimes I hate him, other times I just feel so sorry for him. Why do I feel sorry for him?

I am sorry if this post makes anyone feel uncomfortable, it's just that I need to say something about some of what happened. Keeping it bottled up is really not helping.

Purple818 · ‎15-01-2014

I posted a reply but it hasn't showed up anyways. Thanks for the replies. I really don't know what to do. This morning when I woke up I keep telling myself I don't need help blah blah, why do I keep changing my mind? It's frustrating

beyondblue_Online_Communi · ‎15-01-2014

Hi Purple818, Thanks for sharing your story with us. It sounds like it has been very difficult for you to talk about. It must have taken a lot of courage for you to write about and share your experience on the forum. We’re sure you will find that there are a number of people who will read and relate to your story. Childhood sexual abuse is unfortunately quite common and often impacts people not only as children but also into adulthood. Many people who have childhood trauma do report mental health difficulties, particularly anxiety, depression and ongoing intrusive thoughts and sleep disturbance. Sometimes for people symptoms may surface at particular times later in life such as developing new relationships, childbirth or when caring for children. It sounds like for you it is still bringing up a lot of emotion, which is completely understandable. We would really encourage you to seek some support to process these emotions. It can be really helpful to talk things through with a professional. A good place to start might be to go to your GP who could make a referral for you to see a mental health professional. There are lots of support options for you also including the beyondblue helpline who you can contact on 1300 22 4636. Thanks again for your post and please keep us updated on how you are going via the forum.

helpmeplease · ‎15-01-2014

Hi purple,

I am glad you felt like you could share your story with us.

For me your story touched extremely close to home. I to was sexually and physically abused by a family members, in my case it was both of my parents, I think it started when I was around 12 til I was 16. I knew it was very wrong but at least the physical pain wasn't as bad. Both types of abuse ended when I finally snapped, until this time I had no idea that I was being physically abused as a punishment for the sins of my other parent.

I have always struggled the with ugliness of those years as it was a very well kept secret within my family so much so that even my older brother had no idea of the sexual abuse I endured, until early last year. it shocked him that much he now no longer talks to them. for this i blame myself.

My mental struggle got worse once I became a mum at the age of 19. when I feel pregnant I was over the moon finally I would have someone that would love me unconditionally. I was fine at first but then I realised I had no idea of what a parent should act like. after 10 years and a total of 4 handsome young boys later, I lost it all together.

And on that horrible occasion I nearly physically hurt 1 of my darling boys( I didn't though ) it tore me apart. two days later I willingly handed my boys over to their dad for their safety, and took of interstate where I have been on and off for the last 7 yrs.

In those 7 yrs. I only got worse as now I had new demons to deal with, I had it in my brain that I was as bad as my parents were. I have been through many relationships where I had told my partners and felt judged. I don't know if they really did judge me or if it was in my head. This I will never know for sure as I ran from one relationship to another

It wasn't until early last year when I was admitted to hospital after a nasty fight with my partner that I was diagnosed with BPD and with the support of my partner i have started to understand the way that I am and I am now finally spending time with my boys and trying to heal

When i told my partner of my child hood i thought he would judge me like the others and at first i thought he was, because, of all the questions he asked me and how in-depth he wanted me to go into it. But really he wanted me to tell him so i could finally get it of my chest. I think he held me for over an hour while i cried into his chest that night.

Since then he has been my rock and has supported my ever step, even trusting enough in me to let me come home to my boys and spend some time with time(its been 2 months now) while he is in a different state solely looking after the business we own together. Every day is still a struggle and most days i don't know how i will get through. but i just hold onto the thought that no matter how bad i feel. I don't want to loose the battle not just for my sake but for that of the ones that truly love me.

sorry if that's all sounds like mumbo jumbo but what i am trying to say is, give your partner a chance. you are a good person who didn't deserve a childhood like you had and you deserve to find true happiness. As i have worked out not everyone is nasty and people do love us just for being the person we are today not the child we were.

HMP