What am I doing wrong

Deadkai · ‎22-09-2019

Hey everyone,

I'm a 26 year old guy who feels lonely, afraid and worthless. I've never had a girlfriend and feel scared when I approach women. I don't feel like I have friends who care about me, I've never felt part of any groups, don't get me wrong, I try to put in my best effort but it's seen as being desperate by few while others take advantage, and I let them out of fear of being lonely. I tend to have mood swings which push me to my extreme positive, rare as it is, is the only chance I get to speak with women. And then the feeling goes away and I just stop talking. I know all of this may sound like a childish plea for attention and I'm OK with that as long as I can get some help. I want to make friends I can trust and rely on, I want to meet my other half and not just stare with greif and jealousy while I glance at others living their happy lives. Can someone advice me on how to approach people without reeking of desperation and how to talk to women randomly, not like in a suave James bond manner but in a way that I would atleast go up and talk to them.

Nothappyuni · ‎22-09-2019

I read your post and it brought an instant emotional response. Why? I was always very shy, just like you. All through school I struggled to talk to girls, to this day I get nervous when I am near a woman I find very attractive.

I know those emotional highs and lows too.

I have studied the mind a little, and in my instance, a lot of the problem is a lack of self love. You'll note I didn't say 'confidence' because everything comes with being comfortable with yourself, loving yourself. How do you do that? I have moments when I can charm women, it is especially when I have stored up some positive thoughts: "I am smart", " I am not unattractive", "I am worth talking to", "this woman could find me attractive", that I can approach a woman and speak.

DO NOT take up with a partner because they saw this need in you, I am in the middle of a separation from a long (long) term relationship. My partner saw that need, and knew she could manipulate it. Every relationship I have had, has been with a woman that chased me, and eventually I have had to realise they don't love me, they just love controlling me.

Believe it or not, for people like us the best partners are friends who become more. So mixing, mingling and being around people you are familiar with is the best start. At 26 you have your whole life in front of you, there with be moments of brilliance.

Matchy69 · ‎22-09-2019

I didnt have a girlfriend until i was 29 as i was very shy and never could talk to girls all through school and after and when i did it ended into disaster as the reason we ended up together was that she felt sorry for me as she that what she told me.We had two beautiful children together.My next female friendship came this year at the age of 50 but i ruined that with my anxiety depression and insecurities and have lost the most amazing girl i ever met.My heart is so broken now

Nothappyuni · ‎22-09-2019

Why are so many guys shy?

I know that girls who have no confidence can still approach guys, so why is it that it doesn't work the other way?

My first partner picked up on me being shy and latched on. She controlled me absolutely; but, she slept with all my friends, and anyone one else that would have her. What is truly sad was I put up with it, for 6 years! Trying to convince myself that I was to blame for her promiscuity. I think I also put up with it because I knew I was too shy to find someone else. Now I am back out in the herd, I think it is easier to just be single.