Wake up call

[Michael2]

Hi all.

this is mick.

so I’ve been going through life like a roller coaster ( like most) and enjoyed the ups and been through the dark deep tunnels. I’ve recently turned 30 last year - after spending my twenties on what felt like a constant uphill. I seriously became self Centered beyond belief and missed so much time (quality and wisely spent) time with important people in mylife, resulting in many episodes, etc etc as you can and may imagine - I feel sober from my self reflective war zone today like I can’t describe I feel I have instead of being the centre of the iniverse have ( after some tremendous recent downers - visit to hospital suicidal to name one from thehelp and escorted by my mum there who put the hammer down to get me there. So today I find myself alone in my home, realising there’s so much to live for - being kind and discovering more about the people who tre at me right ( also parting ways finally with a handful that blinded my heart)or better said, I looked to and called upon as one would stare at the sun. ( negative, bad, all that stuff as the labels may be used u know......) anyways opting to open my heart up again. Mabe find more positive people to have in my life like I’m lonely nights like this - i thought I’d sha re for someone out out there that may connect. I believe in all the hardships in life and battles love always wins! Like someone wise once said if we turn to love - Everyone wins.

[Michael2]

So I kind of left that on an empty note hahaha!!!

Iwas wondering, if anyone, can relate to times like this. Would really appreciate the feedback

i would also like to mention that over the last few days I’ve experienced many belly laughs like I haven’t really since my early youth.

What they say, god bless

mick

[Michael2]

I see u was a bit negative in my first post here, nevermind. Thanks for being a sounding board.

peaceout

[Quercus]

Hi Michael and welcome to the forums,

I'm sorry you had to wait so long for a reply. One of the limitations on the forums is that others only see the number of replies to your thread.. Not who wrote the replies. Sometimes that makes me think you have had a response so I write to threads with no replies.

No excuse really. Will you come back and let us try again? There is a lot of support to be found here.

I don't think your story is negative. The opposite really. You hit lows and ended up in hospital. You hurt and neglected those who care for you. But you also got through it. I think the general feeling of your thread is one of hope. It can get better.

You mentioned although you feel able to laugh again you feel lonely. You are very welcome to join in wherever you like on the forums. The social zone is a good place to start on evenings when you feel isolated.

If you need something more immediate it is worth phoning one of the helplines ok. Here it is sometimes normal to wait a few hours for a reply (but not days Arrgh! So sorry for your lack of welcome).

It is lovely to meet you.

Nat

[Croix]

Dear Mick~

Like Nat I'd like to apologize for the long silence. Sadly it does happen form time to time, it's no reflection on you, or the subject matter in your post.

There are are an awful lot of us who have been into hospital under similar circumstances. In my case it's been my partner and psych that have persuaded me to go in.

As you discovered depression does narrow down the focus of our lives till all that's there is how we feel and what is happening to us. It's very easy to judge ourselves as a result by normal everyday standards and think we are selfish or self-centered. I don't think that is either fair or accurate. When in pain of any sort it tends to override normal life.

Like you too, when better I've found the things I had already where immensely important, the love of a partner and family, being able - at a later stage - to return the compliment and give care and support back. It all makes life worthwhile.

You talked of laughs which reminded me of an occasion when I'd decided to take my life. I heard a comedian I liked on the TV in the next room and it made me laugh. Not a lot but just enough to realize my mind which was full of hopelessness, was wrong, there was more in me than I'd realized (hope that makes sense). Laughter helps.

Apart from your mum I don't know if you have family or friends, I hope you can find some to be with, loneliness and isolation is not good.

You are welcome here (& we won't take so long next time:)

Croix

[PamelaR]

Hi Michael

Another apology coming your way. In no way was it your story that caused the delay in a reply. All to do with how we all work and look at number of posts in the column. Yours had 3, so each of us naturally assumed you'd been welcomed. But of course all those 3 posts were from you. The new system will sort this out.

I remember my twenties when I hadn't yet been diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety and depression. Raged my way through, drinking most nights, thought all my views on the world where the right views. Couldn't tell me anything. Things changed when my husband came along, we tried for a family, I studied at uni and basically settled down. But there were times when I felt so numb,felt nothing, completely empty. Thank goodness I worked in a community health centre and had a psychologists all around. They helped me deal with the things that I needed to attend to.

Your world will open up as you begin to open up and let others in. What are your interests? Do you play sport?

Look forward to hearing from you again.

Kind regards

PamelaR