unsure on depression or anxiety

[jules781]

Hi everyone long time reader, first time poster. As my title suggest I am unsure on my issues. I will tell you a little about my self. I am 29 years old, overall I have a good life, I have a good job with potential, good family, small group of friends, and a few close friends. 2 years ago my girlfriend of 4 years left me, it upset me, I have since gotten over it and moved on. It was mainly my doing causing her to leave because of my issues. I have a lot of uncertainty, very stagnant and lack motivation in a lot of things I do. Lately it has been getting worse, I always feel down, lonely and want to run away. I went and worked interstate for 6 months thinking it will help, and I ended up hating it and came back home, now that I am home I miss it and want to go back. I am always looking for something, I feel lost, no confidence and even in my job I have lost drive. I enrolled in a course a while ago and I was confident, once it came to assessment I crumbled under pressure and just froze and failed, even the teacher was surprised with the result. I went for a re test, and same thing once assessment happened, I froze and stuffed up. I feel like I am struggling with learning, understanding and feel like I don't know why I am here for. Don't worry I am not having any self harm thoughts, but I simply just sit in my room during the week after work with no motivation, once the weekend comes I do some fishing which relaxes me or I might go away and escape everything, but once I go back to reality I feel trapped and want to run away but I cant as I have commitments here like a job and mortgage. I look at everyone else and see how they are happy and even people with less than me (not that I'm saying I have a lot or I'm better than anyone) and yet I cant understand how I am not happy with my self. To put it simply, I feel like a big loser and it is effecting my day to day life with my concentration as I simply just don't care anymore. I am very disappointed that I failed my assessment as it would of been good for a career change. I am going for a 3rd test in a few weeks and I am nervous and sick of spending countless money if I am going to fail. It hurts the most when I see people less capable that pass and I know I am good at what I do, just lately lack the drive and confidence. It is the complete opposite of what I used to be. I was confident, up lifting, helped everyone and wasn't scared to give anything a crack. Thanks for reading my big essay :).

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi jules781,

That's no worries, I can see where you're coming from.

Are you on holidays now? I know that holidays always make life feel easier since you are away from all the stressors, but the other benefit of being on one is that I think there's a bit more perspective on life. I don't know about you but whenever I'm away from home I try and look at my life this way - like all my problems are just kind of confined to where I'm living and how I'm feeling when I'm living there. I'm not sure if this even makes sense, but it can help.

I want you to know too that if you were to see a therapist, it wouldn't mean that you can't 'beat it' on your own! It's almost like giving you a professional friend or another tool in your toolkit - all the work you do is still very much yours. and, you can see them on evenings or Saturdays too.

With all that said though, thank you for considering it! What do you think you need to be able to finish this course?

[jules781]

What I need to finish this course is simply confidence. When I think about it when I'm at home I know I can do it, and the other day I went for my re test and crumbled under pressure again. I have to admit the course teachers are not the most friendly and professional, but I am not using that as an excuse. Was a little annoyed when they were sending us home early because he felt like it, but I saw it as we are paying you to train and teach us, unfortunately some of us slower to learn students needed a little more time to take it all in. But I'm not using that as an excuse, I just have to find a way to finish it off so I can put it to rest and move on. Once I finish the course it will be a massive weight off my shoulders as it will open so much opportunities. From the thinking I have been doing I have been in the automotive industry for 12 years, I don't think I enjoy it anymore, I have tried different aspects of the trade including office and engineering work and the passion isn't there anymore. I enjoy it as a hobby but I feel trapped because its all I know. The course I am doing is a course to guide cranes in the lifting and directing a crane on a lift. I have seen them on site as I was always fixing the cranes and watching them made me want to do it, being outdoors, going somewhere different and it opens up more opportunities. My biggest problem is I'm always chasing something better, I am never settled. Once I start something I get bored of it as its not a challenge and I wonder what else is out there, surprisingly it has a effect on your life outside of work as you feel drained. But when on holidays it all goes away and life is good again. Deep down I know what the problem is but I just have to act on it, and first step is passing this course, don't mean to sound rude but sticking it to those teachers who can be some what arrogant because they have done it for 20 years and expect everyone else to know everything and that they never started on the bottom.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi jules781,

Ok, so your current priority is to be able to postpone those thoughts around not being settled and instead focus on passing your test. I don't think that you sound rude at all and honestly it sounds like what you're going through is incredibly frustrating.

When you talk about confidence you said that at home you know you can do it but then you get to the test and crumble. When you're at home, how do you know you can do it? What is it that you're thinking/feeling?

While I can't give you confidence over the internet (I'd like to though), my thoughts are that if you can hold onto that feeling at home it'll become easier not to crumble when you get to that test. Almost like if you were to soak up those feelings so much they weighed the other ones down. I think that to do this though you almost need tunnel vision - blocking all the other worries out (for now) so that you can get through this course. Sometimes it can even help to visualise the test at home; picturing yourself going through it and feeling confident and being able to hold onto those same feelings of knowing that you can do it.

[jules781]

I do visualize the test at home and I know I can do it but its like I get nervous when it comes to the test. Its so frustrating. Its like I don't like to be put under pressure and I doubt my self. I know in life pressure is normal but I got to get a hold on it.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi jules781,

That's understandable. Perhaps you could try some anxiety techniques? I'm not sure which ones you've tried. There are a lot out there that might work for you - things like breathing exercises, mindfulness or challenging some of your inner self-talk. If you're feeling confident at home, it's important to keep reminding yourself of why you can do this and you are capable.

Unfortunately though getting a hold of your anxiety can take a bit of time and work, and this is kind of where the therapy techniques can come in. You might find this link helpful - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/staying-well/relaxation-exercises