Unlovable?

[Loz43]

My depression has hit an all time low. On max dose of meds and still feel helpless, hopeless and unloveable. I was in a lovelss marriage for 6 years longer than I should've been, trying to make it work but it seemed that my ex wouldn't even meet me half way. This made me feel that I wasn't worth the effort. Been single for the last 3 years and dated a bit and agian the men made me feel used and unloveable. All I want is some companionship and to feel loved. I know this is not the be all and end all, I like myself, I am a loving, caring and affectionate person so what is wrong with me, why am I so unlovable to the opposite sex. I have been lonely and alone for nearly 10 years now. I have great kids, a job that I love, awesome supportive friends and family so why am I so depressed? I just don't understand

[Neil_1]

Hi there Loz

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for providing your post.

Relationships/marriages/de factos, the whole bit can be a helluva struggle and hard work.  And the love/intimacy/care situation within them will vary greatly from couple to couple and it can often times feel like, yeah, there's only one person working at this.  So I can see where you're coming from.

However I do see positivity in big chunks as well - and I'm not trying to downplay the relationship side of things, but it's great how you have mentioned that you have great kids and a job that you love and supportive friends.  Which is fantastic.  Then you ask the $6M question - why am I so depressed.

I say $6M cause I think if anyone could come up with the answer to that, that's how much they should be paid.

Depression will attack and attach itself to anyone - there's no rhyme or reason to it, it's like people who have cancer - and say, they've never smoked in their life and always eaten well, exercised etc.  Why do they get cancer?  They just do.  Why do we get depression. We just do.  I'm sorry that's not answering your question at all, cause with tongue in cheek, your question was just too hard to answer.  Insert giggle here.

You did ask "what is wrong with you"?   I CAN answer that one.  Nothing, there's nothing wrong with you, except that you're afflicted with this mongrel illness like so many of us are.

One thing may I ask though - you say you're on the highest level of meds - how long have you been on them?  And how long have you been on that particular brand of meds?   It could be a time for a review of them to your treating professional (be it gp or psyche?)   That could be something to pursue in the interim.

I'll send this off now and do hope that you can get back to us.

Kind regards

Neil

[Loz43]

Hello Neil, 

thank you for your reply. It made me smile. I have been referred to psychiatrist for review of medication because my gp seems to be unwilling to change it.  Hopefully the psych will come up with something 🙂

i do try to look at the positives in every situation or person etc  and also being the giver/nuturer, I need some of that for myself now,  but have

noone who understands that is what I need. Therefore I get down and withdrawn.

i got a bit of nurturing today and I feel a bit better, looking forwards instead of backwards.

cheers Loz

[AGrace]

Hi Loz,

I have to agree with Neil. There's nothing wrong with you, as you said you are caring, loving and affectionate, these are great qualities to have.

I know you'd like to be in a relationship, where are you looking for people? 

It's great that you're seeing a Psychiatrist about your meds, hopefully they will be able to get you on the right one and the right dose and also do some therapy with you.

It's not easy when we feel alone or lonely. Being really comfortable with our own company is a huge step. You're trying really hard to still see the positives which is fantastic. You will definitely find someone, and you'll be glad that you were able to wait for them when you finally do. I'd suggest broadening your platforms in terms of soul searching. Try lots of avenues and that way you have a bigger variety of people.

AGrace