Trying to fight these thoughts

[Talitha93]

Hi my name is Talitha,

I have been battling these depressive thoughts for a few weeks now, some days I’m okay and I can get on with my day while other days these thoughts hit me like a brick.
It’s so hard and challenging because I feel so alone in this world. I have a friend who I reach out to often but I feel bad because she has a lot going on herself and I feel like me constantly opening up to her is annoying her..

I’m going to have a huge operation in a few weeks and my mum hasn’t been on my side for the last three years.

I feel so lost in such a big world and I don’t know what to do anymore. Nights I just want to run away..

[smallwolf]

Hi Talitha93,

welcome to beyond blue. Sorry to hear that you are feeling low at the moment.

can I ask how you felt after writing this post?

you said that you reach out to a friend and you think it might be getting annoying for her. You will find lots of other people here with thoughts and feelings similar to yours who can share their own experiences with you and give you ideas for coping.

Speaking of which, other than your friend have you looked at the K10 test on the beyond blue web site? Depending on your score you will get a recommendation of action to take. I won't say any more about the test at the moment.

The upcoming operation must also be weighing on your mind a bit.

In what way has your mum not been on your side?

Perhaps you could tell me a little more about yourself? Do you work? What is making you feel alone in the world? What are some things you like? Goals? What you do during your days? We could just chat for a bit, and bit by bit, over time, work out a way forward. (I have some stories about myself I could share but not sure which would be appropriate....)

Peace to you,

Tim

[Talitha93]

Hi Tim,

Thank you for getting back to me...

I felt relieved after writing this but anxious at what people could reply back.

Regarding my friend I don’t know if I should step back a little and give her some space?

I haven’t tried the test no. It’s really my first time reaching out like this so it’s all so new to me.

the upcoming operation is freaking me out, I don’t know what to expect or what’s going to happen.

hmm with my mum she doesn’t want me to have operations to remove tumours anymore, she just wants me to stop fighting.

I am 26 years old I work in childcare 5 days a week which is good and keeps my mind busy.
I would love to open up my own childcare centre in the near future but that really depends on my health and how things go in surgery..

I would really like to chat and hear some of your stories if your up for sharing...

[smallwolf]

Hi.

Keep that dream of yours. You never know what might happen.

I never really knew what was happening to me either. One night I googled the physical symptoms I had which included a lump in the throat, upset stomach etc. and one of the links that popped up in the results was able depression and anxiety. Eventually I found my way the BB web site and found the K10 test which I did and it recommended I chat with my GP. So I did that and she wanted a second opinion and so I was referred to a psychologist who at the end of the first session told me to go back to my GP to get a mental heath plan.

For me, that was one of the better days of my life as I was able to put a name to the feelings I was had or was having. And there would be ways to deal with it.

Two years later I am still learning. There are days when I feel that I don't need help and there are days when I know that I do.

I have someone who I can share my thoughts and feelings with - something I had been suppressing for 30+ years.

On your friend... you can always her the impossible question(s) you mentioned above. In the last 2 years I have been open with some people who understand, and some who have told me their own stories.

Tell me why you are fighting?

That same spirit in you will help you deal with your worries, help you with your goals. And it shows you are not a quitter and meet a challenge head on.

Peace to you,

Tim