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BeyondBlue Hello! Read this if you're not sure how to get started
  • replies: 0

Welcome This section of the Beyond Blue Forums is for talking about our experiences with depression. There are lots of chats about how it makes us feel, what it’s like to live with depression and what has worked to help in these times. Thank you for ... View more

Welcome This section of the Beyond Blue Forums is for talking about our experiences with depression. There are lots of chats about how it makes us feel, what it’s like to live with depression and what has worked to help in these times. Thank you for coming this far, we know it can be really hard to take these steps if depression is in your life - we see you and think this is a great step. To get the most out of this space we have a few tips: Get involved. The Forums work best for you when you get active and post where you can. Now, we know that can be really hard, especially when you are experiencing depression. So, if you can post something supportive to someone else here, that would be an incredible start. Speak from the heart. This community wants to know how YOU feel and what has worked for YOU. We trust that you have something unique to say and we can’t wait to hear it. Check in. Lots of the discussions in this section of the Forums have been going for years and they are some of the richest conversations we have. Keep checking in to get new ideas and offer your support. We know it can be tough to start, but when you are ready we want to hear your thoughts. If you need some time to get to know the community, that's okay! Have a look around and see where you want to get involved. Thank you for being here! Beyond Blue

Jeriava How do I talk to my doctor?
  • replies: 9

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really ... View more

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really scared that they’ll judge me or won’t believe anything I say. I’m really anti social so I feel like I won’t be able to say what I wanna say or I’ll say the wrong thing causing them to just dismiss me and move me along without helping. I’m just tired of feeling alone, depressed and just worthless but I’m really scared to talk to them.

AGrace SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION
  • replies: 132

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the ... View more

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the 5 senses Distress Tolerance – Accepting Emotions and Self Soothing Distraction – Put the thoughts/feelings aside and come back to them when you are ready to deal with them Positive Affirmations – Have some affirmations written down repeat them to yourself daily Sleep/Exercise/Diet – All 3 aspects of our lifestyle can impact the way we think/feel Increasing Pleasurable Activities – Engage in at least one pleasurable activity per day

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FoolsGold Anhedonia: the worst manifestation of treatment-resistant depression?
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, This is my first time posting and I'm not sure what to expect. I guess I should tell you a bit about me before I pose some questions that I would really appreciate feedback on. I'm 48 (male) and battle treatment-resistant depression, gen... View more

Hi everyone, This is my first time posting and I'm not sure what to expect. I guess I should tell you a bit about me before I pose some questions that I would really appreciate feedback on. I'm 48 (male) and battle treatment-resistant depression, generalised anxiety disorder and an alcohol use problem; all since I was in my early teens. It's been a very tough road navigating treatments (anti-depressants, anxiolytics, stimulants, anti-psychotics, mood stabilisers, ECT, TMS, CBT, interpersonal therapy, medications to address my alcohol use, etc.) and the devastating effects my condition has had on relationships. My anxiety is well-controlled with a non-benzodiazepine medication at the moment, but I expect to develop tolerance to it as has been my experience in the past. I eventually found a SNRI anti-depressant 11 years ago that prevents me from living in a crippling abyss of depression, but I'm left with persistent anhedonia that I now recognise has been the long-standing reason for my inability to define a direction for my life. With some unfortunate exceptions, I'm grateful for my privileged access to excellent medical professionals in Australia and in the US. I'm looking forward to consulting a psychiatrist who specialises in the treatment of mood disorders, anhedonia in particular, and would really like to hear about others' experience with anhedonia. Anhedonia is the (relative) inability to experience pleasure. Although not always present, is it the worst possible symptom of treatment-resistant depression? I think that it is. How can anhedonia be successfully treated? I was prescribed a selective dopamine receptor agonist, a good idea and supported for the treatment of anhedonia by a small number of clinical studies, but the risk of unpredictable "sleep-attacks" makes driving too dangerous and so I won't take it. How do you cope with anhedonia? In the long-term, it's paralysing for me and makes me periodically suicidal. Life without pleasure is very difficult to sustain. Is there any hope?

maggie23 First Time Mum - PND
  • replies: 2

Hi, I became a mum for the first time last year to a beautiful little boy who I love to pieces, but I can't help but be envious of my old life. There is so much I miss about my life before DS (darling son), and I can't help but feel resentful towards... View more

Hi, I became a mum for the first time last year to a beautiful little boy who I love to pieces, but I can't help but be envious of my old life. There is so much I miss about my life before DS (darling son), and I can't help but feel resentful towards him sometimes. I have suffered from depression and anxiety for over 10 years now, I manage with medication, but some days are just BAD. DS has been going through a really clingy/separation anxiety phase (even if you're right next to him, he wants to be held). Hubby works during the week so it's only me and DS throughout the day. The last couple of weeks has just been winging and winging mixed with teething (I hope), and last night it got the better of me and I snapped. I knew it was coming so I put DS in his cot where he would be safe, then I lost it. I through things, I shouted at my husband (who sadly is used to me having meltdowns) and I wanted to hit things. I try really hard not to hit things, so I push against a wall or door frame to expel the pent up energy. Hubby went to took care of DS which was great, but it also left me alone. I've always had Hubby to help hold me, or hold my hands and be there. This time I didn't. This led to resentment again towards DS for taking Hubby from me when I needed him. These thoughts then led to self-loathing and self-hate. I went for a drive. I cried for a good hour. I am going back to work next week for three days and I am so excited. Does this make me a bad mother for wanting to leave my child? I just don't think I am a good SAH (stay at home) mum. I'm hoping with me being back at work and having these breaks more often will make me a happier mum for DS. Thanks for listening. Just needed somewhere to vent. M

Bulus Shabbaz I never even met them (when mourning is invalidated)
  • replies: 1

I was doing really well after coming down from about of mania...and then on the 10th, the music world was informed of the sad news that the legendary drummer Neil Peart from Canadian trio RUSH had died of brain cancer. This is not a post to promote R... View more

I was doing really well after coming down from about of mania...and then on the 10th, the music world was informed of the sad news that the legendary drummer Neil Peart from Canadian trio RUSH had died of brain cancer. This is not a post to promote RUSH so all I am going to say is this band had a very intense fanbase who were personally invested in their music and the lyrics to their songs, which Neil Peart for the majority, was responsible for writing. Suffice it to say, as a fan I was devastated and have been for the last few days. I am sure we've all had similar experiences when a musician or entertainer who's art means a great deal to you dies, and the feeling of loss and heartbreak can be for some, just as intense as it would be had a close friend or relative passed. And while the vast majority of people I know have never heard of RUSH could see I was visibly saddened, and have approached me with compassion, to some people, the idea of me mourning over a person who I do not know personally and have never met, puzzles them. These people seem to be insulted that I'd be so upset over the death of an entertainer. And as such, I've relegated to trying to hide my pain, or just telling people who ask me what is wrong, that a friend of mine has died, as not to run the risk of my emotions being invalidated.

SquireHarbour I feel trapped
  • replies: 2

I dunno how to explain this. I feel trapped by my depression, like it is some sort of cell clouding around my head, trying to feed me with everything bad in the world, my favourite band being bad, mad men controlling the superpowers, my parents fight... View more

I dunno how to explain this. I feel trapped by my depression, like it is some sort of cell clouding around my head, trying to feed me with everything bad in the world, my favourite band being bad, mad men controlling the superpowers, my parents fighting with each other every day... I feel sad. I feel angry, I feel like I want to cry and want to rage at the same time, but I feel exhausted every day. It feels like the same cycle and nothing that I think about will ever come true. I want to go places, see everywhere that I want to, be with my friends and then settle down and do a job that will help other people who are just like me, but currently I feel like nothing is going to get better. I'm on anti depressants, I have to take sleep medication because my thoughts keep running through my head, I have to see my therapist, psych and chologist every month, but it seems this ghost never goes away... What can I do? Am I going mad?

Aliza221 Starting the year depressed.
  • replies: 10

Hi everyone. For the past several years - i would say 2017 - till now i have been on a roller coaster of family troubles and depression. Throughout it all, i tried my best to make everyone smile but today i realized: who ever made the effort to make ... View more

Hi everyone. For the past several years - i would say 2017 - till now i have been on a roller coaster of family troubles and depression. Throughout it all, i tried my best to make everyone smile but today i realized: who ever made the effort to make me smile. My social anxiety has sky rocketed, my self confidence drained and my career has hit a brick wall. I am stuck and running in circles, i tried my best to brush it away but everything hit me when i tried something new for once - in a long time -. I decided to take a day for myself and hit the M7 bicycle track. It was wonderful and i haven't felt genuine peace like that in years. But with peace came the reality of my life. I warned myself i would change this year and i plan to do so. Hoping to volunteer for the RFS and possibly go back to TAFE to finish off my HSC and find a good career yet, my stomach churns and i feel this terrible anxiety when i think about these things due to the amount of communication i would be required to do. I am 24 and feel hopeless and lost. I know what i want, i know many people cannot say that, and yet here i am so depressed and scared of the simplest things that i feel trapped. Currently don't have a job, no income, was hoping to see a therapist to help me but when you're broke it just gets worse. I feel like a loser having to finish my hsc at the age of 24, I've been talking about it for five years and I've beaten myself over the head with excuses. I don't know what to expect here, i just hope it brings some relief...

bjames Lashing out and losing friends
  • replies: 4

Hi all, I am guessing this topic might resonate. I've gone through a deep depression which was filled with both anxiety and depression and have come out the other side where I am in a very good place. However, I am still coming to grips with other fa... View more

Hi all, I am guessing this topic might resonate. I've gone through a deep depression which was filled with both anxiety and depression and have come out the other side where I am in a very good place. However, I am still coming to grips with other factors which contribute and keep me isolated from the outside world. The problem is, while I deal with these issues, I look back at where I was compared to today, and I am happy. The problem is, friends, family etc don't understand, nor do they when I try to explain it to them. I totally get that they want the best for me and they EXPECT the old me to return to "normal" life and be the person I was before. The problem is that the more they push and the more they show no understanding, the harder I push back. I know my isolation doesn't help because I tend to brood and let my anger get the best of me. It becomes infuriating that others think they know better than I do and I tend to lash out when people refuse to take my word on why I am living like I am doing. It is a great source of frustration for me and it gets to a point where I don't need this in my life. It's also caused friendships to end and family members to disassociate with me because I lash out. The really frustrating part is that while they think I am wasting my life away, I look at the progress I have made from basically not being able to get out of bed for two years and not wanting to face the day, to not being able to sleep some nights because I have something I look forward to the next day. In other words, I have created a life in my own little world or bubble that has me happy and content to a certain degree. It's not ideal and it looks far from ideal to outsiders. I try to explain that it is a process for me, but all they see is that I have wasted years of my life and I am not getting the help THEY think i should get. No matter what I say, they never understand. They think there is a magic wand that if I do what they want, I will return to the person I was. And as I said, it has caused a lot of relationships to end, which is the sad part. My problem is my anger because I take the attitude that you are either with more or against me. I'm sick of trying to explain myself.

Rob851 Recently disability support pension
  • replies: 20

Hi I suffer from major Depressive and anxiety disorder and have been for the last 5 years. I have been on Newstart allowance and now they are giving me the runaround so I was told by them do apply for the dsp. My my question is has anybody recently a... View more

Hi I suffer from major Depressive and anxiety disorder and have been for the last 5 years. I have been on Newstart allowance and now they are giving me the runaround so I was told by them do apply for the dsp. My my question is has anybody recently applied for it and how’d you do?? I have an appointment tomorrow for a job assessment before they make a decision which I don’t understand and I’m already receiveing calls my a job employer wanting to book an appoint with them. Any tips ops you could give? I have given all my paper work in including letters from gp and psychiatrist. Just unsure if I have enough. I was read some forum posts from a couple years ago saying it was extremely hard so just want to know if anything’s changes? thabks

Kbo Post Maternity Leave Depression
  • replies: 4

Hi, I'm new to these forums but am seeking advice. Yesterday I had my first day back after 8 months maternity leave. While away my job was restructured. I am now reporting to my maternity leave replacement. Since going in I have realised that essenti... View more

Hi, I'm new to these forums but am seeking advice. Yesterday I had my first day back after 8 months maternity leave. While away my job was restructured. I am now reporting to my maternity leave replacement. Since going in I have realised that essentially my role is down graded and I will be doing the work of the person that reported to me. I feel severely depressed and isolated. I don't know what to do or who to turn too. My partner wants me to suck and work as it's an income and I know logically I have to work yet I have done nothing but spend the day in tears. Seeking advice from those that have had similar feelings about work or how to manage depression at work in general. Thank you

Angst19 Lacking desire and motivation, feeling lazy/burned out
  • replies: 1

Hello, I'm just venting on here and maybe looking for some advice I feel like my life no longer has meaning or purpose. I have felt like this for a while, and while I have sought help everyone has told me that this feeling is normal. I'm still living... View more

Hello, I'm just venting on here and maybe looking for some advice I feel like my life no longer has meaning or purpose. I have felt like this for a while, and while I have sought help everyone has told me that this feeling is normal. I'm still living with my parents, and they have largely made decisions for me about my career path and studying, and I have gone along with them probably because I was unable to think of or suggest any alternative. I am concerned this could be due to depression or anhedonia. I feel I am stuck in a cycle which I feel has had horrific results. I have spent the last two years doing multiple full time degrees at once and while I have mostly done well in these I have worked long hours every day to get all the work done. I know didn't want to do this at all but felt like I didn't have a choice because of my parents, who have come across as aggressive and controlling. I have felt scared to confide in them, and I didn't know what I wanted to pursue instead. I've also spent long periods gaming to escape from the world, and because of social isolation. I only have a few friends and they're busy with full time jobs. I also have social anxiety and anxiety in general and get stuck because of the excuses I make because of this. The time at my computer, mostly doing work/assignments, as well as anxiety has caused me to have neck/head injuries, and I can't even walk or turn my head properly without sore or very tight muscles and need to lie down frequently to feel comfortable. I have also recently had a traumatic experience that has made me feel more depressed the last month or so. I think I am also burned out from working so hard. Now whenever I think of doing anything long-term with my life, I am aware of all the work required to be successful and it puts me off, and I often don't enjoy the activity itself anymore. I think I will pursue something related to music, as I have been performer and composer and did my first degree in music, but lately haven't written or played much due to feeling depressed. Funny thing is, I feel guilty about being unproductive and want to get very good and important/successful at something and live a productive life, but I don't know what or how. I have been trying to see a psychologist for a while and have gotten multiple referrals from my GP, but they have been on leave and/or haven't answered my calls. I'm hopeful I'll be able to get into see one soon.

Window Am I faking this? (from an post-ATAR student who is not feeling so hot)
  • replies: 2

Hey guys - sorry for the rant. I'm new to this (and it shows lol). So, HSC results came out last month, and I took it pretty hard. I don't really remember the week after, but I don't think I talked to anyone. I was stuck in some pretty dark thoughts.... View more

Hey guys - sorry for the rant. I'm new to this (and it shows lol). So, HSC results came out last month, and I took it pretty hard. I don't really remember the week after, but I don't think I talked to anyone. I was stuck in some pretty dark thoughts. When I got that number, a lot of things crashed down on me - I tied a lot of my self-worth to that result. It's like that number told me, you have no future, and when my mind took over, it snowballed into you're fat and ugly and stupid (my mind's not very articulate). I feel so heavy. At random points of the day, it pulls me to the floor. I couldn't cry, for some reason, and I feel emotionally dead, except for this perpetual dread. I haven't responded to my friends - they all did well and I keep thinking that they have this power over me. And strangely, I've been having nightmares every night and waking up exhausted. I sleep at 6am because I torture myself over every mistake I ever made and the sheer loneliness kills me. I think, How can I ever be happy knowing that nights like these exist? It sounds weird and I can't really explain it, but I'm worried that I'm just doing this for attention. And worse, I kind of don't want to get better. It feels like I haven't punished myself enough and I'm scared of when I'll be okay again because that means forgiveness and acceptance and I can't do that right now. I haven't gone to anyone, because I'm probably just being dramatic. Sometimes, I feel really okay. The numbness actually helps a little. Maybe I'm pitying myself and letting it go to my head. A few days ago, my parents told me that my behaviour was childish, that I was being rude by shutting myself up in my room. I know they mean well. They don't know how to deal with me. But I think that was the first time that I had cried since the results, and I was surprised at how emotional I got. It felt like my deepest fear, that I was just being a dramatic teenager and everyone feels this way and this is life, just some bottomless pit. And I was angry too. How can I possibly justify that? I have no right to be angry! I get their point - I just had never felt so alone. I don't know what I want to get from writing this. My head is full of fog, and I am so drained. I didn't want to consider the big D-word for fear that I was just indulging myself. Am I faking this? Is this normal? God, I know what I must sound like. There are people with real issues! I'll shut up now. Thank you for reading through all of this.

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