Lacking desire and motivation, feeling lazy/burned out

[Angst19]

Hello,

I'm just venting on here and maybe looking for some advice

I feel like my life no longer has meaning or purpose. I have felt like this for a while, and while I have sought help everyone has told me that this feeling is normal. I'm still living with my parents, and they have largely made decisions for me about my career path and studying, and I have gone along with them probably because I was unable to think of or suggest any alternative. I am concerned this could be due to depression or anhedonia.

I feel I am stuck in a cycle which I feel has had horrific results. I have spent the last two years doing multiple full time degrees at once and while I have mostly done well in these I have worked long hours every day to get all the work done. I know didn't want to do this at all but felt like I didn't have a choice because of my parents, who have come across as aggressive and controlling. I have felt scared to confide in them, and I didn't know what I wanted to pursue instead. I've also spent long periods gaming to escape from the world, and because of social isolation. I only have a few friends and they're busy with full time jobs. I also have social anxiety and anxiety in general and get stuck because of the excuses I make because of this. The time at my computer, mostly doing work/assignments, as well as anxiety has caused me to have neck/head injuries, and I can't even walk or turn my head properly without sore or very tight muscles and need to lie down frequently to feel comfortable. I have also recently had a traumatic experience that has made me feel more depressed the last month or so. I think I am also burned out from working so hard.

Now whenever I think of doing anything long-term with my life, I am aware of all the work required to be successful and it puts me off, and I often don't enjoy the activity itself anymore. I think I will pursue something related to music, as I have been performer and composer and did my first degree in music, but lately haven't written or played much due to feeling depressed. Funny thing is, I feel guilty about being unproductive and want to get very good and important/successful at something and live a productive life, but I don't know what or how.

I have been trying to see a psychologist for a while and have gotten multiple referrals from my GP, but they have been on leave and/or haven't answered my calls. I'm hopeful I'll be able to get into see one soon.

[Nurse_Jenn]

Hi there Angst19,

Welcome to the forum. I am sorry to hear that you are feeling so stuck. Having a low mood and worry can do this. You are not alone. You have taken some positive steps towards getting some support such as visiting your GP as well as keeping up with your study (despite it not feeling like the right fit). Unfortunately you haven't connected with the right care yet. If you are sitting on a waiting list to see a psychologist, there are other options that could help you get started. I will list a few suggestions you might want to try.

If you are over 18, there is an online program called Mindspot. It is a free program that uses both online and phone support towards helping improve low mood and worry. You can read about the program and see if its right for you by going to the website and having a look. www.mindspot.org.au

Another program that is available in some parts of Australia is called the Developed by Beyond Blue program called NewAccess. NewAccess is also a free service that supports people with low mood and worry. You can read about the program by heading to this page on the Beyond Blue website and see if it is available in your area. https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/newaccess

One of the most evidence based methods of improving your mood is through activity and exercise. You have described a very static situation with both gaming and studying. Sometimes hiring a personal trainer can make a huge difference. You can explain to the trainer is that you are struggling with motivation and have neck and head pain. They could work with you each week to develop a program that you can do at home and even touch base with them weekly. This does cost money but could approach your parents for some support in this way?

Taking small steps one day at a time is helpful when you are feeling stuck. You could start by setting yourself a goal of having a 5 minute walk. You might find that this is enough or you might even exceed it. The next day you might increase this goal to 10 minutes. By the end of the month you might find yourself walking an hour a day. Sometimes it is the little things that make a big difference. https://www.beyondblue.org.au/personal-best/pillar/supporting-yourself/exercise-your-way-to-good-mental-health

I encourage you to continue to use the forum to reach out or vent if you feel comfortable doing so. We are listening.

Wishing you the best possible outcome,
Nurse Jenn