I feel trapped

[SquireHarbour]

I dunno how to explain this.

I feel trapped by my depression, like it is some sort of cell clouding around my head, trying to feed me with everything bad in the world, my favourite band being bad, mad men controlling the superpowers, my parents fighting with each other every day...

I feel sad. I feel angry, I feel like I want to cry and want to rage at the same time, but I feel exhausted every day. It feels like the same cycle and nothing that I think about will ever come true. I want to go places, see everywhere that I want to, be with my friends and then settle down and do a job that will help other people who are just like me, but currently I feel like nothing is going to get better.

I'm on anti depressants, I have to take sleep medication because my thoughts keep running through my head, I have to see my therapist, psych and chologist every month, but it seems this ghost never goes away...

What can I do? Am I going mad?

[uncut_gems]

Hello SquireHarbour,

Newbie here, so apologies if don't do this quite right.

First, I as a fellow sufferer, I truly don't think you're going mad. I once read an author say that everyone thinks depression is like a veil that falls over your eyes making everything seem grey and pointless, but it actually feels like the exact opposite– what makes depression so tricky is that it actually makes you feel like the veil is coming off and you're finally seeing things for how they really are– hopeless.

I've found remembering that little thought about the nasty trick of depression to be comforting. As things in our lives seem out of control, it's normal to feel, as you say, like you're being fed every bad thing in the world. This is especially true when it comes to family stuff, and the news of the world which can be dispiriting and only seems to get moreso.

But the world is full of (in fact mostly made up of) good people just like you who want to make it a more peaceful, kind, and just place. Whenever I get overwhelmed I remember how outnumbered the people making our world worse are.

I'm glad to hear that you are getting the care you need with your therapist and meds. The ghost you're referring to probably won't go away all at once suddenly, but it will get quieter and weaker until you are free from it and are able to see things for how they really, truly are.

Hugs,

Gems

[TishaJade]

Hi SquireHarbour,

Feel comfortable knowing you are not alone. Most people here are all suffering this 'cloud' or 'ghost' you refer to over their heads. I, for one, suffer this same ghost following me around, trying to tell me all terrible things, however untrue they are. You are not mad. The most sensitive, thoughtful and beautiful people suffer depressive thoughts. I empathize with your anger, irritability, and feeling of hopelessness. It is an indication that you are alive, breathing and full of more love and yearning than some others. To feel hopeless, you must start off with hope, even just a little bit. Unfortunately, this thing called depression is like an evil disease spreading negative thoughts and mundane beliefs. You need to remember that these feelings are not true. You have a life to discover, things you want to do, so much that pulls you and drives you to enjoy. Depression is not your friend, think of it as this annoying person that puts you down, discourages you and fills you up with negative thoughts. It is not in any way true based on logic, and others outside perspectives of you. Believe your inner self and not this thing that sabotages your life. It is your life to thrive in. Be bold and try to keep positive. Things will always get better, its a matter of finding your unique way of beating this 'ghost' we are all beating it together.

Best of luck x