Trying to cope with it all.

[Carlyrm]

I couldn't find my last thread I made to update how I'm going - it's nice to have the support here so I figure it's also healthy to express my feelings as I've done before. 

I'm doing a lot better now, I still have my crap days like everyone else here but it's nowhere near as bad. I went to my psychologist recently to tell her how I was going etc and it was like talking to a brick wall and I left feeling frustrated but an hour later I decided to let that feeling go. I know I am strong enough to handle the heartbreak of this break up and breakdown of my friendships on my own, I need this time from my break from work to work on myself and get back into things that make me feel good. Really push myself day by day, get creative, don't procrastinate just get things done and do things for myself- avoid people in my life who have upset me. There are new friends to make when I am more confident I will go out there and make new ones. I dreaded the time I'd have a break from work, but I'm now seeing it as a positive to get back into things that have filled the void before and I was so blinded by sadness that I couldn't even bare to do any of those things that made me feel good. It can only get better from here, after being unemployed for so long and finding a great job with a positive environment to work in I'm really grateful. I can only hope my social life begins to blossom too, I'd love to do simple things socially with people - in the last few months I've been doing those things on my own or not at all simply because I didn't feel worthy of it. I have very few friends and can think of 2 who stay in touch, one is interstate so it makes it difficult but it's better than having no support at all. I want to fall in love again when I'm ready. I'd like to do all those things that make me feel whole, I'm beginning to feel better because I'm spending time with better people and concentrating on that rather that the feeling of being lonely and isolated - which has just made me feel depressed and far worse. I used to think I was mentally ill for my thoughts and feelings but it's a way of coping, I wasn't sick I was going through a terrifying time in my life this year when I look back on it (and I'm still coping with it now). Asking for help on here, talking to someone on lifeline and my family did help immensely not so much a psychologist. If I can begin to recover then you can too, it takes a while to sift through emotions and if you need to do difficult things like cut out toxic people from your life then do it. Think about your health emotionally/mentally and what's best for you, sometimes psychologists don't always understand these things after all you know yourself (or someone close to you) better than anyone else. Life can be so overwhelming, but with difficulty comes change and change can be the best thing and make you stronger. That's my advice, you can get there trust yourself and face the challenges in your mind no matter how much it can hurt you will get through it. There's always someone out there willing to listen even if it's someone on lifeline or someone asking if you're okay -  people do care.

[Jo3]

Hi Carlyrm

Thanks for posting your message, it is truly inspirational and beautiful. Well done on improving your mental health, new job and new friends.

You know times like these are great because you know how much work you have done to get to where you are now.

 Your message makes me see that I and others can get through our issues and see the light at the end of the tunnel.  You have given me hope that I can do this too, just like you,

Thank you so much for your message.  I wish you all the very best. Merry Christmas,

Jo xx

[geoff]

dear Carlyrm, that's a great attitude, and now instead of depression pulling you into it's vacuum of horror, you are now doing the opposite.

Most of my 'friends' and/or acquaintances now are all different people in my life, because before hand all the other people have either gone or I don't want to associate with, so it's a clean slate. Geoff.

[Neil_1]

Hi Carlyrm

What an awesome post and a really uplifting message you've sent.

There are so many points in there that I just had to read it through again.  I'm so pleased that you are on the upward spiral out of the depths.

Breaking things down, bit by bit is a very useful tip.

I really hope that you might be able to stay on here and to post out advice and responses to other people who are suffering.  What you will have to say from the experience you've had will be so incredibly valuable, to not only the initial poster, but to the rest of us who are on here as well.

Cheers

Neil

[Carlyrm]

Thanks Geoff and Jo.

It's really hard to get back up, especially when there are less people in your life close to you. It could be worse, it could be no one at all and I am thankful for people who have even bothered to ask if I was okay and these people are so few I could count them on one hand - but that's okay. 

A series of events happened to me this year that have absolutely shattered me, I felt at my lowest in a very long time I took risks that almost left me injured or took my life. I'm glad it didn't happen because it simply isn't worth it. You don't know what is going to happen in the future, some good and some bad but why end life to miss out on good moments? Missing out on meeting beautiful people in the future and creating strong friendships again, is not worth taking one's own life. We all have potential, bad things happen that injure our mental state it's a challenge to make our lives better and it may take longer than we want to fix but fixing ourselves is worth it. I feel good spending some time on my own and I haven't felt like that in sometime, being alone has often felt isolating and worse but I know if I keep productive and work on myself I can grow. Things will change and it takes time, there is no easy or quick way we all know that.