Travelling long term - Eating disorder and depression

[hannahxox]

Hey all. So I'll try and summarize it all. I'm 23 year old female from the UK, I came out to Australia in Feb with the intention of doing the year as I have the working visa. 3 weeks in I fractured my collar bone but was also feeling extremely depressed/lost/struggling with lack of routine in terms of eating/excercise and so the collar bone was the perfect excuse for me to come home. Once home felt relieved, then the depressed/lost/empty feelings returned, novelty of being home wore off had zero motivation to find work, went through phases of wanting to run away, tried to move out at one point - just always trying to run away from my problems inside my head.

I then decided to try Australia again as I still had what felt like 'unfinished business' over there, so impulsively booked my flight back and now here I am, back to that same old feeling, lost in Australia. I've wasted so much money, I feel depressed, my eating habits are all over the place. I have never been diagnosed with anything but known for a long time I've had issues I've just been too afraid to confront them. I'm a vulnerable mess over here and it's reached the point where I need help. I just want to disappear into nothing. In all honesty I should have stayed home and got the counselling I know I've needed for the past 10 years of my life. I've tried so hard to push through but all I'm doing over here is crying every night, then either not eating all day, or overeating all day in an attempt to control the pain.

All I really want to do, is go back to England, get professional help and really finally get my life on track. I know I don't want to be here anymore but I really need help in what you think is best? I have a great support system at home, my family love and support me and my own mum is a counselor so she will understand (I hope) but it's just the shame and guilt, and wasted opportunity, and failing Australia for the second time, that is stopping me.

I'm not ready to face family (except my parents) and friends and explain everything. I just want the comfort of my own home and professional help without having to see anyone for a while. Please someone help with what I should do? 😞

[Sophie_M]

Hi Hannah, thank you for reaching out to the community and sharing your experience. Being away from home and your support network is isolating and it sounds like you need some extra help right now. There is no shame in returning home if you feel you need to, you are making a positive choice for your mental well-being and that is extremely brave. Whilst you are in Australia, we suggest that you get some support locally, just talking with someone can help. You can call our Support Service on 1300 22 4636 or chat to a trained mental health professional through our website: https://online.beyondblue.org.au/WebModules/Chat/InitialInformation.aspx

[Gruffudd]

Hi Hannah,

My name is Rob, I just wanted to say welcome to the forums. I agree with what Sophie says, there is nothing to be ashamed about. It is more of a culture shock travelling between the UK and here then most of us ever think about. I am one of those British Australians who just can't figure out where I belong, probably a bit in both because that is who I am.

While you are around the forums please feel free to chat about stuff, perhaps we can help you feel more comfortable while you are here. Do complain, in my view complaining is a basic human right, it is very therapeutic sometimes. You would be most welcome to find the cafe in the community forum, you can post anything in there, its a place for a cup of tea and a good natter. Check out the other forums too, there is a lot of knowledge between you and the others here that might just help move you towards the life you are wanting.

Anyway, glad you found us...

Hwyl fawr for now, Rob.