Tired hopeless and not enough

[Flowermum]

Hello,

I’ve always had this feelings that I’m not enough and they come and go. I have older brother and I felt like the dumb one growing up…Not doing enough, not smart enough, not organised enough not enjoying life enough, it’s like never ending guilt that I can’t make right choices. Always doubting myself, I’m 37 now and I have two daughters and I have this big fear I will pass onto them my unhealthy patterns. I have this critical voice in my had with lot of negative thoughts very often. I was born outside of Australia and I am still trying to fit in.. so hard .. that I’m not sure who I am any more. And my husband is very opposite of me, strong and motivated, very skilled .. has a good job and I feel like nothing next to him. I get very jealous of others lately. I couldn't pursue much of a career with my kids and now I just don’t feel like enough.. I feel like I’m spinning in circles.. and it’s only getting worse.. but I do realise that I have not much to complain about, we have money, house , we are healthy.. but still.. my head is not happy.. what can help me?

[Harkness]

If it helps, Guest_49, I know *some* of what you're going through. My older brother was naturally smarter and a much harder worker than me, and my little brother was a lot smarter but lazy. I can't speak to the issues that you've had trying to fit in, but I work with a lot of foreign workers and understand as much as most locals how difficult it can be to fit in. I get jealous of others like you wouldn't believe. People with a full head of hair, younger people who are more accomplished than I am in the things I care about, and all of that without kids.

I can't give you advice outside of what has helped me. Focus on the threads. Focus on the relationships that make you happy in your heart. As far as a career and doubting yourself goes, there is no doubt like actor doubt. I don't know the field you're in, but I've found there are always peripherals to break into. Maybe I'm talking out my butt. I don't know you or your field.

But I'm glad you're around and I hope you have a nice day.
Harkness

[ChildHeart]

Hi Flowermum,

First of all let me say that I am soon to be 39 and understand some of what you are feeling. I too, have an older brother, with whom I have compared myself to. Always feeling like I'm in his shadow in a away. But of course, sometimes I have to distance myself from that way of thinking and remind myself that we are different people living different lives.

You mentioned being unhappy in the headspace yet you didnt mention the heart to which leads me to assume that in regards to matters of the heart, that you are happy?

Were all here looking for an ear on lend and a shoulder to lean on. I hope you find the support you need. Sorry I dont have much advice for you. But know that youve been heard. Hugs to you. 

[therising]

Hi Flowermum

I feel so deeply for you, given how you feel about yourself, while you're on the verge of finding out just how truly amazing you are. While you may not believe you're amazing, I've learned over the years that we can't always trust everything we believe or have been led to believe.

While we can be led to believe sensitivity is a fault, I've learned over time that being able to sense easily and deeply is an ability that requires serious mastering. While we can be led to believe that intelligence is related to what level of education we've reached or what career we follow, I've found true intelligence is more about having an open mind, a sense of wonder and a thirst for knowledge. What we do with that mind, that sense of wonder and that thirst for knowledge can vary greatly in so many areas in life. While I once believed parents are people who are meant to know everything and meant to be the best guides in life when we're growing up, as a mum I came to find the truth is that I don't know everything, I rely on my kids to guide me almost as much as they rely on me to guide them, for we're managing this relationship together (which includes all the first time challenges we can muddle through as we support each other while trying to master life). While we once may have believed that the little voice in our head should sound all positive and inspirational and that's what's normal, we may come to find the truth to be that we're more so multifaceted creatures. There can be the part of us that's intuitive, the part that's wise and sage-like, the part that's inspirational and the parts that can be super critical, depressing at times, incredibly stress inducing and so on. How to manage the many facets that go toward making up the whole of who we are can be one of the ultimate challenges in life.

To some degree, I've found life to be about a search for the truth. If we are sensitive enough we will feel the false beliefs we have about our self as being depressing and the truth will feel like the complete opposite. We will know that we've found it because it will feel inspirational in some way 🙂❤️