The Wrong Move

[apieceofmeismissing]

Hi all,

I am new here and have never done this before but here goes. I have suffered from depression since my teen years where I did self harm a few times. I have been a loner all my life and as I got older found it harder to make new friends. My relationships were more for companionship as was my failed marriage. I have 3 children (1 which is estranged).

I can’t count how many times I have moved since my separation and divorce. I moved to Melbourne 5 years ago to rent with my daughter while she saved for her own home and then after losing my job I decided to retire to Queensland. (I am 66 now). While I was working I saved a little for my future and made the move and this is when everything went to hell. My whole life just fell apart. This was The Wrong Move. Over the past few months I have fallen into a deep depression and its the worst I ever been, I feel lost, alone, worthless, hate myself, I have always made the wrong choices my whole life, I have no money, no life, can’t bring myself to go out besides shopping, I have difficulty making friends as I get anxious and suffer panic attacks. Lost all motivation to do the things I enjoy. I lay on the lounge and just watch tv and fall in and out of sleep. 

The only resolution to my depression is to move back to Melbourne where I can get to see my beautiful daughter again. Melbourne has more to offer me than where I am currently and I know I will be happiest there. Only problem is now I have no money to make the move and when I do I will have no home to go to. I have thought of share housing but the majority of people are young ones and most likely wouldn’t want an old person as myself living with them. I am looking at emergency housing but not sure how to do this. What do I do? How can I move and have somewhere to go, my daughter can’t take me in as she has no room and I will not place myself in the position of interrupting her life just for my own happiness. She supports my decision but at the same time worries about it. I have just seen my GP in regards to my depression as it’s taking over my life and he has put me on meds and I have to see him again tomorrow to discuss further. He gave me the K10 test to do and I have scored high. So to find my happiness once again I need to save enough money to go back, which will be agonisingly slow as I only receive centrelink payments. Any thoughts or help appreciated? This is not the full story….

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Thankyou for your brave act in posting this raw and sad story. I have lots to say and suggest so by all means reply often and fill us in.

I'm 67yo, 2 adult kids, one estranged. 4 long term relationships, married the 2nd time for 12 happy years. I have bipolar2, depression, dysthymia (constant low mood) and anxiety returns sometimes. I've moved many times in my life, ex military and now settled having built our 2nd home in regional Victoria.

My last relationship my Gf of 10 years didnt have a passion. At couples counselling she complained I spent so much time on my model airplanes, then the counsellor asked her "do you have a passion"?. I then realised that those without a passion are less happy and over the years here have seen people without a passion commonly be depressed. So something to think about. Have you ever had a passion?

We have an interest in caravanning. Sometimes I suggest to members here that to avoid the housing crisis to buy a small motorhome or even a bread van and start off with the bare basics. Do you have a car that can be sold to finance that? Are you the type that wouldnt mind travelling around a bit using your van as a home? Would you supplement your pension with work like fruit picking so you can save for a better van? You can buy the WIKICAMPS app for $8 one off payment and that has all the free/low cost camps in it Australia wide and is brilliant. You can park in a friend or relatives back yard and not be in their hair. What do you think?

I have older friends and in 2009 the global financial crisis meant they lost a lot of money. They purchased a old house in a small distant town in Victoria. Even pensioners might be eligible for a home loan of small amount to get into such a property. I just looked at two towns Rainbow and Warracknabeal, through realestate.com.au and there was one house for $69,000. Could make it into a little home for yourself?? A bit of paint?

Thankyou again for posting, 

TonyWK

[randomxx]

Hi there op and very sorry to hear about things.

interstate moves are often sadly a bit of a gamble but don't be too hard on yourself many people give it a go sometimes they're happy sometimes not. But you've tried it out now and if you try to just think about it that way, now you know right and that's a great thing, it's settled. You've just gotta find a way of going back to where you were happy.

Got a few other thoughts to throw out there too on top of Tony's , great stuff as usual to btw and thx for that, always love seeing anything you've got to say about the place.

Just on the car thing though op, would it happen to be something later model or worth a bit , maybe you could sell it off and buy something cheaper, and move with the change. Also l heard Centerlink can provide some moving allowance thing to but no idea of what it involves but well worth a poke around.

Few ideas with moving though but l agree with you too better not to move in with your daughter anyway as she'll be better building her own life now and prob so will you too.l'd think it'd be a nicer situation just visiting and being handy again.

Butttt, a friend of mine 50s,was in a similar situation interstate too at the time. They put a wanted ad on gumtree for a mature aged place to share back in Vic or alternatively a property care situation. He  got some great replies but in the end wound up with a little cottage on a property just out of Geelong for free. All he had to do was keep an eye on the place and some mowing and that was it really but they also offered him more paid work around the place too if he was interested. lt was on 20hect' and the main house was a few 100mtrs away and privately separated and the owners only came up from Melb once or twice a yr. So he just does he's thing and keeps an eye on the place really.

Maybe something like that might suit you or maybe some other sort of share situation, he just let the ad run and a wk or so got a couple of replies but about 3 wks later this property one came up and he went for that. lt was furnished and all and he has no bills.

Anyway, all food for thought all is not lost one way or other.

All the best and good luck.

rx

[apieceofmeismissing]

Hi and thank you for you ideas, unfortunately I am not yet pension age that’s next year, I have no money no super no nothing, my car is old and worth nothing and I depend on it to get me around and to medical appointments. I have a lot of health issues which I’m currently having treated and/or diagnosed and on an exemption with Centrelink. I don’t get much money per fortnight and have no savings (this was all used up getting here). I appreciate your help but everything you have suggested is out of my reach. It’s going to take a long time for me to save enough to go back to VIC and when I do I’ll virtually be living in my car as I wont have anywhere to stay to start with. I have looked at the sharing scene and that may be an option until I work things out and I’m also going to seek assistance from the welfare groups if possible. My biggest issues now are getting the money together and finding somewhere to stay when I go back. I’m getting help with my depression at the moment but it’s not going to be easy to control seeing how I have to wait so long before I can save the money. Everyday I wake up wishing I hadn’t because I know what I’m facing each day I continue having to stay here. I do have hobbies inside the home but have sunk so low that I’ve lost all interest in everyday activities and the things I would normally enjoy doing. I have to force myself just to get my shopping as well. I have no friends so couch surfing, camping etc is a no go. I only have my daughter in VIC and son (who shares) in NSW. So as you can see, there are no options for me except to save and move and hope for the best. Thank you again for your reply.

[apieceofmeismissing]

Hi there,

Thank you for your reply. Unfortunately I have health issues which currently prevent me from working, I’m hoping to retire next year on the aged pension. I have no savings, zilch and my car is an older model and not worth much and I can’t do without as it gets me to my medical appointments and shops for food. It’s going to be a long road to saving enough to get me back to VIC and when I finally save enough, the next issue will be having somewhere to stay while I get myself sorted and the help I need. I have looked at sharing until then and I have set up a profile on Flatmates but can’t really do anything until I save enough money to make the move. I will be advertising on gumtree when the time is right and hopefully I might get answers. As for Centrelink, they only provide emergency assistance, there is no payment for someone just wanting to move interstate. The best I can get from them is a $500 advance which needs to be paid back and that’s nowhere near enough but may count towards my savings. I have looked at other places as well where I may be able to get some form of a loan but to no avail. So as you can see I am stuck here until I can afford to move then have the issue of having somewhere to stay when I get there. Hopefully things will come good given time but for now I just have to bit the bullet and do my best to thing good thoughts, but it’s going to be hard, everyday I wake up wishing I hadn’t  because I know what I’m facing and have to live with that for the next few months or more and it’s depressing. The longer I have to stay here the worse its going to get (I’m) and I have to somehow prevent that. I am now under the care of a psychologist but even that doesn’t really help, they have made suggestions in regards to getting the money together but after investigating these I have hit a brick wall as these suggestions all failed. They have advised that I get myself back to VIC asap, but unfortunately I can’t do that as stated. Anyway, I thank you for your suggestions and thoughts it is much appreciated. 

[white knight]

Thankyou for replying, often here it takes a couple of posts before we get clarification so sorry if I suggest things out of your financial reach. Once on the age pension however, that is a much more stable income and lending institutions favour that more so, between now and then you have a lot of time to consider your future accommodation needs.

For example- if your income is currently $1096 a fortnight. If you were to have a loan for 162 a fortnight that would allow you $15,000 paid over 7 years. Or less if you borrow less. That will get you a Toyota campervan or similar with basic living facilities. It might well be 15 years old but you will have a home.

I think due to your depression there is a feeling of hopelessness in you and I cant blame you at all. What I also know however is that you have to try and not give up, find feasible ways to achieve a goal.

When that time comes you can use your daughters address as if you live there for security reasons for the bank. Also direct debit from your account will eliminate stress of payments. Each month set aside a bit of the pension to buy a TV, improve your van etc. I've met many single people, male and female on the road in free camps.

What do you think?

TonyWK

[randomxx]

Sorry to hear that op but if you feel it's best to soldier on until your in a better position then fair enough, l won't add more.

But l do think Tonys got some great food for thought there too and thx again Tony, l'm really liking that free camp and the people thing you've talked about to btw, as you know seriously considering it myself so that was great to see.

Good luck op in whatever you decide .

rx

[apieceofmeismissing]

Hi

Thank you for your ideas, but I really don’t want to deal with any loans a the interest they incur, I’m not yet pension age that’s 6 months away. Though its a good idea and I have thought of it (travelling), you have to think of the expenses that it comes with like mechanical repairs petrol overnight stays food etc, I don’t think I could do that on my own. It’s easy to say oh go buy a campervan with a loan, but it’s something I wouldn’t do. I just want to settle in my own little place like a studio, bedsit, or the likes and be happy. But thank you for your ideas. I’m really aiming at getting back to VIC and seeing my daughter again.

[white knight]

Members write in here for ideas, it is totally up to you if you choose to adopt them. It doesnt seem like there are any more ideas forthcoming.

I wish you well in your endeavors.

TonyWK