The feeling of the unknown..

[246_bloke]

Hi Everyone,

I really hope that this thread conveys how I truly feel. I have been with my wife now for going on 9 yrs and for the past 1 and a half/2 years I have known about my wife's depression. The focus of her depression and the source seems to be my family. 

She is incredibly angry with my family about things that they have done towards her, and she can't understand that I'm not as angry as her. She doesn't understand why I'm not yelling at them for how they made her feel. I don't know how to be. I'm just confused because I'm the type of person who can forgive... She was on medication but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get her to stay on them, she thought she was better... So did I, very naive.

She is in a dark place and now that anger and hurt is aimed at me.. I have gotten her family involved but that has upset her more because she feels like I'm hand balling her to them. But I just need help, I feel damned if I do and damned if I don't. I have told my family what they have done and they just apologize. I want to forgive and move on with life but I just feel broken that this sickness isn't letting her. We are just treading water.

She cannot speak to my family, so they can't apologize to her.. She is refusing help, and because I haven't reacted in a way that pleases her she is angry with me and says there is no hope for us. I love her more than anything and I know that the things she has been saying is not the real her. I just don't know what to do cause I feel guilty now that I can't deal with it. 

Today was the first day I spent a few hours on my own. She was with her family and so I took a few hours to compose myself and try comprehend the next step, but she is angrier at me as she feels I abandoned her..

Just needed to write these things down... I hope this hasn't come across as anger, cause I'm not angry. I just can't handle this feeling of the unknown and seeing her in pain.

Thank you for reading... and I cannot thank beyond blue enough for having made this forum available... 

Im just a bloke, confused and sad for my wife.

[S_A_D_]

For this I would suggest starting with guided breathing exercises done together at 5 minute intervals whenever you and her discuss these things. Set an egg timer, and when it goes off everyone stops mid sentence and breathes, in strict silence, for 60sec, no less. It may seem stupid, but it works.

[geoff]

dear Block, well things aren't going well at all, and it seems to be like a catch 22, damned if you do and damned if you don't.

I feel the up most sorrow for the both of you.

When someone won't accept the fact that taking their medication would be a better option and they refuse to take it, is a battle and a half, and this then puts confusion onto the person who is trying to help them, what the hell can I do.

I am so sorry but I will continue replying later on, and I promise I will, because I can feel your devastation , as I am trying to find out some information for you. Geoff.

[geoff]

dear Bloke, I remember when I was in depression there were a couple of trained counsellors that came to my place and spoke to me and my wife ( ex ) about my condition and the medication I was taking, and they actually bought a new antidepressant with them.

I think that they were from the mental hospital and were authorised to obtain this antidepressant and were able to give it to me.

They were doing this by 'family therapy', so google this 'how to get family therapy' and see if this helps you.

I understand that she is angry with you, but this illness does all sorts of terrible feelings towards the one they love, and although it's not pleasant for you, and that it really digs deep into your heart, to try and convince you that she doesn't necessarily mean all of this, is a big call for me to make you realise this, but I do appreciate how you personally feel.

It's never easy living with someone who is depressed, all we seem to be doing is jumping up and down on the same spot, and not getting anywhere, but this is what depression does to us. Geoff.