The blind China man, Karma, every dog has its day.

[Pantheress]

I know bad things happen to good people. I just wonder why it seems to happen, so much to me. I wonder if somehow I attract bad luck to me. It's not even a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I've convinced myself, I'm one of God's favourites. Because there are givers & takers in life. This is not good or bad. Just the balance of things like black & white, yin & yang. The givers seem to suffer so much more hardship than the takers. I say God is training me in the trials of life to help others. Because as we all know when your a giver, no matter how bad your feeling, when you see some one fallen down or just miserable or struggling in general. We'll stop & put our hand out. Let me share & help ease your burden. So God trains us up in life's hardship to give us skills to assist others & this keep humanity going. Givers learn how to catch the curve balls, how to roll with the punches, how to throw that mask on at a moments notice & smile just to lift another's day, When inside your dying & don't know how you can travel on another day. I say God I'm tired. I've learned enough please let me rest for just a bit. But still the curve balls keep coming. With every punch I've dragged myself back up and plodded on to another day. My mask is dusty and cracked. So I'm running out of platitudes & wondering why my life has to be this way. I have become silent in my grief, I wonder will people believe me if I speak of the last curve ball that just came hurtling through? My 17 yr old son say why does God hate us? Suppose this is the difference between boys and girls. My 15yr old daughter says our life is like a Maladrama or some horror movie, she states I never tell anyone at school about what happens at home, I couldn't stand it if they didn't believe me or even worse felt pity for me. Do you think people can be contributing to their own bad luck? I'm sure if I stand on the freeway at peak hour and get stuck, I'd probably have to take some responsibility. But I rarely get to leave my home. I hardly have contact with society, friends or family only the kids & me trapped at home. How does this keep happening. When does it end. What am I doing to keep having sh*t piled on me?

[ci]

Oh wow well said pantheress.

I got tears reading your post. It is so true givers and takers and I often wonder the same thing! 

You are not alone feeling like this!

Not sure what to say really related to your post and wanted to reply

[White_Rose]

Dear Pantheress

I am sorry you are in such distress and pain. I want to help you if I can but I am a little confused by your post. Let me explain. Are you saying that you and your family have a huge number of problems to deal with? That things constantly go wrong in your life and you are trying to deal with these matters and still keep a smile on your face? Or are you saying you constantly help others and this is wearing you out and causing all your stress? Or is it both?

There are givers and takers in life. I don't believe this is ordained by God. Some people want to help others and other people are happy to take all they can get. It's not quite that cut and dried as you probably know but as a general statement it's correct. If you are a giver and this is the cause of your distress the easy answer is to say stop giving so much. And I know this is not as simple as it sounds. When you feel compassion for someone you want to help them.

I have this same conversation with my doctor. She is adamant that I must learn to pick and choose and I am beginning to realise she is right. I cannot save the world and trying is going to cause me unnecessary stress. So what can you do.

If the major cause of your distress is what life throws at you, this is a different matter. I cannot offer more than general suggestions as I do not know what is amiss or what to suggest. I can say that God does not single out anyone to be the recipient of terrible things. It is the world that does this. There are a number of actions that are ascribed to God, but training anyone through hardship is not one of them.

You clearly have a compassionate nature and that is fantastic in a largely indifferent world. Giving help and support to others is not such a common thing we can do without anyone who offers this. Especially not you Pantheress. You are one of a rare breed. Now here's the 'but'. Making yourself unwell in any way, physically, emotionally, psychologically or financially for the sake of helping others is not a good thing to do.

Your family need this care and compassion and so do you. Treat yourself like one of the people you help. Pour your love and care into yourself for a while and learn to say 'no' to others. It's hard to do this but you cannot continue giving while you are hurting yourself in the process.

I hope I do not sound too bossy. I care when others burn themselves out. Please write again and explain, if you wish, how we can help you further.

Mary

[Scotchfinger]

I probably take more than I give. You are one of God's chosen people, Pantheress. People like you, win, in the long run.

[Pantheress]

Thank you ci, so glad I'm not the only one who wonders if some just get to carry more than their fair share. It's also great to know your not alone. Thanks to much every one. DJ

[Pantheress]

Hi Scotchfinger,

Lucky we have you balancing up the world for us, I speak in jest, I see you about sharing where you can. Adding thoughts for us to ponder, to take our minds off our issues. I see you adding a kind word. You may under rate the level of your givingness.. is that a word?hahaha.. but to be a taker sounds so harsh but it's probably the wrong word I've used to describe what my inner thoughts are saying to me, I just mean like in balance, to keep us all level sorta. Anyway normal people scare me,lol..

Thank you so much once AGAIN for  your wonderful thoughts and kind words you found for me. DJ

[geoff]

dear Pantherness, can I say that there is some merit in what you say ' bad things happen to good people' and unfortunately this does happen, none of us know why 90% of the time, unless someone very close to us passes away, then that puts another angle on the situation, which is very distressing and very upsetting, because death is something which is so hard to accept.

I do have a problem here and that's what you have said in your comment, because how you have made your remarks, is something that should be said in a sermon in the church, or amongst your friends who are also religious, but Beyond Blue was set up almost 16 years ago to help the community understand and cope with depression, it wasn't set up to be a religious site, and if it was then I wouldn't have been on here for 12 or 13 years to help people who are struggling with their depression.

Under my name it says that I have been registered since 3/4/13, but that was when BB had made some very big substantial changes, like having a manager and Moderators improving the how the site looks as well as beginning the advertising and awareness out into the community.

People have their own beliefs and that's only natural, but I'm sorry this site is not a place to air your religious feelings trying to explain what or how you want to explain how you think, even though you have had a couple of replies supporting you, but Mary's reply was to try and find out the actual point you are trying to make, which unfortunately hasn't been done, however there is some substance to what you are saying, so it would be great to hear back from you in the normal way you always do, and it maybe by senting a reply criticising me and that's fine, but from memory your other posts have been contructive and very interesting. Geoff. x

[Scotchfinger]

There are givers and takers in this world though. It can be as simple as that. Mothers for example, give their undivided attention to their children. It seems like it is almost their pleasure to give and not expect anything in return.

There are generous people who always donate to charities. I'm not one of them.

There are people who are totally transparent and give their soul to anyone who is prepared to listen. I tend to be more guarded, well, usually.

But having said that, the givers do usually get something in return. The love from their children can be delayed to adulthood, when they appreciate their parents more. I certainly did appreciate my parents more when I got older. And stinginess begets stinginess for sure. It's the people who are prepared to give, that live a richer life. The only thing is they need to have a "I don't expect anything in return" attitude.