Hello Everyone
Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement. I expect you all know how how heartening it is when people offer support and comfort and I have needed this for the past few weeks. I really did not expect such responses. As someone said, it's part of depression to feel bad about yourself and to feel a failure.
I saw my GP yesterday and we had a long talk. She is so straight forward about life and I trust her implicitly. My distress is about trusting someone who betrayed my confidence. I know this is a fairly common occurrence, but this is a professional person who should have known better.
I have pretty well decided what I am going to do, walk away, but it's hard. Sounds stupid to have any hesitation under the circumstances, but then the whole matter is so painful and I want to feel cared for. I know that if I stay I will not feel cared for any longer so it really is pointless to remain. It still feels gut wrenching to go.
So I am grieving big time about this loss and it hurts so much. I know eventually it will all go away if I just hold on and keep my thoughts occupied in other directions. The trouble of course is that our thoughts jump in at the most inconvenient times and can be so devastating.
So I may not be around for a while under I can smile again. Serendipitously I was given the poem below a couple of days ago and although it made me weep I do see the point.
The Guest House.
this being human is a guest house.
every morning a new arrival.
a joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
welcome and entertain them all!
even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honourably.
he may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
the dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
Thank you all
Mary
