Hi Paul,
Thank you for your reply, yes I did have drs appt but he also cancelled it last week so that was also very hard as I felt very let down by everyone in my time of need. Which only reinforces to me that I should do what I always do and do it on my own because when I reach out it never goes well.
I though this time would be different and I am trying really hard to do something different to help myself but I really feel it's noy working very well and I only have so much energy.
Last year was huge for my wife and I she had a mh break down as she calls it and was also very physically unwell also we spent half of the year in hospital at first for her physical illness which nearly killed her, but then because of her mh we stayed in a mh health ward in the hospital for another few months. That was really rough and also traumatising.
We didn't have any support so no one knew and we did it all on our own which is how we have lived most of our life together we protect each other and are always there for each other. But more recently now she is in a good recovery space for the first time is realising that she actually wants different things in life then previously said to me ie. I want kids and she doesn't which is the big one as neither of us wants to hurt the other. So we decided that so we can both have a better life we need to let each other go.
We both still care for each other and love each other more than anything but for that and other reasons we can't continue on.
I have suffered from depression for 15 years up and down (mostly down which sucks) and this relapse I am taking pretty hard it's been a couple of months now I think since xmas is when it really settled in but this last fortnight has been the worst.
I do have another dr appt tomorrow I am hoping it doesn't get cancelled, I have never spoken to a dr before and I am very scared. I just feel like don't have a whole lot of fight left in me as my energy pools drain, and I'm so alone.
Thank you for listening,
Keypi 🙂
