Struggling with the future

[j_s11]

Hi everyone

this is only feelings that are recent but really affecting my everyday life including work, family and friends. I have accepted that I’m bi (even though I still don’t want to accept it.) But my issue is that I feel like in the future I’ll be by myself because I can’t see myself with a girl and will NEVER come out of the closet. It’s bothering me to see friends starting to get married and feel like I won’t ever get to that position. It’s making me unmotivated and just overall disappointed in myself. I’m not really sure how I’m suppose to fix what I’m feeling

[therising]

Hi j_s11

I feel for you so much as you enter into this deeply challenging time. I've found, whenever I'm asking a heck of a lot of questions in life, it's pointing to some significant quest I'm on. Often it relates to a quest that involves a greater level of self understanding. It'll come about when there's some need for me to re-identify myself in some way.

Being one of those mind/body/spirit woo woo gals 😁, I'll start by identifying mental and soulful conflict. An example, involving bisexuality, could sound a little like

• Mentally: 'What will people think of me? Can I live this life fearlessly and authentically, not paying attention to those who may judge me and bring me down through the opinions they just don't care to keep to themselves? How much sufferance will I experience? How do I find the support I need? What's my life going to look like down the track if I take this path?'. Questions to establish direction
• Soulfully: 'I feel an energetic connection to people, no matter their gender. I don't discriminate, based on gender. If someone feels soulful, joyful, inspiring, energising etc, I don't say I can't share in that energy only if they're male or female. There's simply a longing to connect with the energy itself and I can feel that'

Maybe, in discovering more about who you naturally are, you could experiment with this aspect of yourself privately at first. This way it's no one else's business, while you're in the process of getting a feel for it. Further down the track, when you might feel the need to take it publicly you could be surprised by how strongly you've come to connect to your feelings to the point where you can trust them no matter what others think or say. Learning to fully trust in your feelings is a natural self esteem booster. Definitely takes practice.

To say 'At the moment I'm just getting a feel for who I naturally am' could be a positive way to go. Have faith; in this process of coming to know yourself better you might find your natural self to be absolutely amazing.

[j_s11]

Thank you @therising

this will definitely be helpful for me to have a more positive outlook instead of making it negative and worse for myself 

[Summer Rose]

Hi j s11

I’ve got a lot of empathy for the situation you find yourself in. I can only imagine how hard this is for you.

I really liked everything therising wrote. I’d just like to add two comments.
You will be the same wonderful, precious and valued person no matter who you love. You are enough, just the way you are. 
NEVER is a long time. Like you, I’ve used this word in the past and found to my surprise and delight that my thinking can change. This is because life changes and we all change with it. Perhaps it would help to tell yourself that, “you’re not ready to come out now” and just leave that door open.

Working with a mental health professional on ways to relax rigid thinking and reframe issues can really help. For example, if we reframe where you’re now at, isn’t it possible to say that you’ve now got a wonderful opportunity to work on finding out who you really are?
Kind thoughts to you

[sbella02]

J_s11,

Thank you for sharing your story with us, welcome to the forums. Therising and Summer Rose have offered some brilliant advice, so I'm simply here to echo and extend their words. "At the moment I'm just getting a feel for who I naturally am" is a particularly great line from Therising. I think reframing your thoughts in such a way can be great for encouraging you to look more positively upon your identity and associated experiences.

I came out as bi several years ago and have been pleasantly surprised by the mostly positive reception. I understand and respect that this is not the case for everybody. May I ask, if you're comfortable answering, what is the main barrier stopping you from coming out of the closet? And is there anybody in your life who you have come out to before, or would feel entirely comfortable coming out to in future? 

Coming out is a deeply personal journey, and you're under no obligation to come out if you do not wish to or are not ready to. Provided you're being safe and cautious, there are always websites like Reddit and Discord that have designated online communities of people who are struggling with similar situations, who you may be able to relate to or perhaps confide in. 

If you would also feel comfortable, you may be able to have a chat to your GP, a therapist, or psychologist about how you're feeling, and they can help identify what your main concerns are and how to alleviate some of your distress and feelings of disappointment.

I hope this advice is helpful for you, and please feel free to reach out more if you need. We're here for you.

All the best, SB

[j_s11]

Hi sbella02,

thank u for taking the time to reply to my post. It’s really meaningful and wonderful to know that well, u were in the same situation as me and have now gone beyond that to be who you truly are. I really do envy that and wish I had your type of bravery haha. 
I just turned 20 and so still very close with family and school friends. But as I am a boy I find it’s still not something ‘normal’ to be bi. Unfortunately for me, overthinking is a big part and to know and for them to say it’s all okay and whatnot, still, I can’t help but not think they aren’t being truthful. I have had one relationship with the same gender and only told close friends. I still feel like that was a mistake because seeing how they behave changed without them realising. I also don’t want to believe it’ll be a long term relationship if I do get with the same gender and will only end in heartbreak. It’s a lot of thoughts I know haha. Thank you for reading though :))