Struggling Teen - Any Help Appreciated

[Guest_92761897]

Hello, I am a 14 (turning 15 later on in the year) year old girl who was diagnosed with ADD (inattentive ADHD) and level 2 autism probably about a year ago. Recently, a psychologist had me do a questionnaire and when they got the results back, they told my mum that my answers showed I could clinical depression. Honestly, I wasn’t too surprised, because ever since the start of high school I have noticed my mood changing as well as developing a ‘procrastination monster’ who stops me nearly everyday from doing stuff from basic chores to having a quick, easy shower. I think year 8 was the start of most of it: My attendance started to get really bad because I would jump right into bed after school, never get out, wake up in the morning realising I wasn’t ready, then miss the bus. Neither my poor mum or myself could tell if I had a serious problem or if I was just super lazy. Now that I’m in year 9, I feel like I’m always moody, causing everyone to get stressed out and then upset at me. When it gets bad, I often get thoughts of how nice it would be for everyone if I disappeared: Mum would no longer have a dramatic, sulky daughter, my sister would spend 80% less time having to fight with an annoying older sister, and everyone would have a whole lot less stressing out to do. I also don’t feel okay with my body. I stress eat, or just eat when I’m bored. When I get lollies, I try to eat a few, then end up eating the whole packet. When I feel gross, I desperately want to exercise but the singular though drains me, just like mum asking me to do the dishes. Why do I make it such a big deal? She spends all her time at work just to afford food for my sister and I can’t even get myself to do the dishes.. What kind of daughter am I? Part of me really wants to help her, but it’s like there’s a weight that keeps me down on the couch or in bed. Someone tell me, am I depressed? Am I procrastinating? Is this just a symptom of ADD? Or am I just lazy? I want to be able to save myself before I become so unbothered that I quit all my favourite sports and never see anyone again. I don’t want to, but I could stop taking care of myself entirely and disintegrate by decaying in my own filth for too long. I think I am

heading in that direction. Someone please let me know if you have ever felt this way, because I feel so selfish and stupid.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I will only have difficulty in replying as I'm much older at 68yo but I'll try. 

Your post is well written and easy to understand, so well done in your ability to explain. Make it easy for us.

I have many things to say. We are not professional medical people so a diagnosis of depression has to be made by them. We are lived experienced people with mental health issues and that can be an advantage in that we have been where you are now in some way or another.

So I was misdiagnosed with ADHD at 46yo then properly diagnosed with bipolar at 53yo then told I have aspergers and I've had bouts of depression not to mention anxiety. 

1. Realistic thoughts.  I was trained under a therapist to reduce unrealistic thoughts and replace them with real ones. Eg  it is quite unrealistic to view your l;ife in a way that says that your mum or sister would be better off without you. You feel that way due to your issues but it isnt real, they of course would be devastated without you. So better to say to yourself- "my mum and sister get annoyed with me because I have some challenges but I know they love me... so I am going to tell them I love them more often". See how I turned a negative into a positive that will actually improve your relationships?

2. Som things you mentioned like lack of hygiene, eating a whole packet of lollies and not eagerly wanting to do the dishes are typical of teenager at your age. Yes there would be a percentage that would be more happy to do these things regularly but many dont. That drive to get into a proper routine is hard to accomplish at 14yo, its why parents have to continually remind/chastise you to do these things.

3. If you have a mobile phone use the alarm system to enter these chores. Eg shower time, dishes (so have that alarm go off just before dinner to remind you to pick up the plates and do the dishes immediately after dinner, no hesitation). When you get a bag of lollies take half out and ask your mum to hide the other half. Then you'll only eat half.

4. Mental health issues dont define you. They dont alter your personality. Try not to allow it to dominate your life nor your thinking. A good percentage of people have illnesses. There is a saying "I felt bad as I had no shoes until I saw a man without feet". People with mental illnesses often have compensation in the form of other abilities- poetry, writing, music, mathematics, etc. The movie THE RAINMAN is a good movie about this. Seek out your special ability. We have a poets corner here (use search) where many of my poems are listed. 

You are not lazy, if there is any laziness it is normal levels for your age. Being unmotivated is different than "lazy" One is negative, the other a condition caused by other factors.

"Failing is not the problem... not doing your very best is the problem"

I hope I've helped.  Repost anytime

TonyWK

[therising]

The warmest of welcomes to you 🙂

When we work differently from others (in certain ways), we need different strategies. So, what may work in the way of motivation for your mum and your sister may not work for you. What works for me as a mum and a person in general won't necessarily work for my 21yo daughter (who's been diagnosed with ADHD) or my 18yo son (who's been diagnosed with level 1 autism). Actually, for the rest of this post I'm going to put the diagnoses aside and focus on who we naturally are.

As Tony (white knight) mentions, it can pay to discover your natural abilities and work through them. If you have the ability to create and achieve through your imagination, you could try practicing working through your imagination (your superpower). A simple example could involve washing the dishes. Imagine every time you wash the dishes you accumulate a certain amount of points in life. Once you get up to 500 points or whatever, life is going to give you something. You won't know what it is but you'll become interested in finding out. The only way to get this thing in life is through washing the dishes and scoring those points. I should add, this kind of imagining needs to be managed carefully. The imagination is incredibly powerful and, for some, can promote OCD. People can imagine the worst case scenarios which lead them to compulsive behaviour in order to make sure those scenarios don't play out.

When it comes to energy, why do we have plenty of it or why do we have what feels like zero energy at times? How do we feel energy? The list of questions go on. We have the ability to feel a lot of energy in motion within our self (emotion within our self) in relation to things that happen outside of us. We might feel a whole variety of sounds our brain's trying to process (especially if we're sensitive to sound), feel the amount of work we're doing or have to do, feel demands from others, feel what people say to us and feel a variety of other challenges. Feeling that much can become seriously exhausting, to the point where we just flop into bed at the end of the school or work day. We can be exhausted from feeling so much. This can point to a need to manage how we feel everything. I should add, while a B12 or iron deficiency can have a seriously exhausting and depressing feel to them, pays to get our chemical energy checked out occasionally.

Let's say every type of energy in motion has a name to it. While one type could be labeled 'anger', another could be labeled 'joy'. Then there's 'inspiration', 'fear', 'regret', 'wonder' and on and on it goes. All of these different energies have a certain feel to them. There's nothing necessarily wrong with feeling them. I've found the problem comes with being able to manage them and/or make sense of them at times. For example, while I've found a bit of anger to be highly motivating, when I feel a lot of it I'll need to strategically breathe it out and/or make better sense of where it's coming from (what triggered it) or else I might work on gradually shifting it into a whole different emotion to be felt.

You're not selfish or stupid, not at all. Don't even think that; that thought's not worth your time and attention. The simple truth could be you don't know how you work yet. Once you do start to figure it out, I bet you'll be amazed. Imagination, energy, wonder, a longing to evolve and so much more...you are full of amazing things.