Struggled most of my life, nothing works...

[LonelyBoy90]

Hey folks,

I guess I just need a fresh point of view on my situation. It's a bit of a life story kind of thing, but I'll try to keep it short. Thanks for taking the time to read.

I'm a 28 year old man and I've been struggling with depression since my early teens. It was likely triggered by bullying which lead to a stunted social life and trust issues. Not that my experience was anything extraordinary, I think most people deal with bullying in high school.

Additionally, I've always struggled with finding work. I've had a few jobs here and there, but they never paid enough or provided enough hours for me to actually survive, so of course I still live at home.

Naturally, I also don't have any kind of love life and never have. I've tried to date on occasion, but always end up being treated like garbage. To make matters worse I've also never really been interested in sex and trying to pursue a romantic relationship without sex seems impossible. I could be asexual, demisexual or repressed. I don't know (no, I was not abused as a child or raised religious). There's more to it than that. This is by far my most complicated issue.

I've tried therapy. In fact, I've seen multiple different therapists over the years and every time we've eventually hit a wall. Ultimately their diagnosis has been something along the lines of: "Well, you're intelligent, charismatic and very capable. You've just been a bit unlucky." and they don't know what to suggest further. I also can't afford therapy at the moment as I'm once again between jobs.

All my friends have moved on with partners and we no longer speak. I try to get out of my comfort zone to expand my social life by taking classes and attending meetups and the like, but it's really hard to connect with people. I know I'm a good conversationalist (even if I have to fake interest in certain things to get the ball rolling), but it feels like I speak a completely different language to everyone else.

I really want to improve my situation and be happy for once in my life, but I feel stuck. My depressive states are getting more frequent and more severe. I feel like I only have the energy to fix one aspect of my life at a time and I don't know if I should be focusing on work/career or social life. It all just seem impossible right now.

Thanks again for reading. I don't have anyone to talk to about this. Maybe it'll help just getting it out.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

A few things come to mind. Thanks for posting.

When you say "most people are bullied at school", well yes, but we all are affected differently and some are affected heavily.

This leads me to conveying to you about how unique you are. You must treat yourself as unique, each one of us are different and indeed wonderful...we just have to find that wonder by acknowledging it.

Google-

Beyondblue topic the best praise you'll ever get

Have you ever considered the armed forces? I joined the RAAF at 17yo and it set me up in so many ways like good pay, adventure and friends even a trade. The only thing is your depression could hinder that process. However, there are many jobs like fly in fly out that pay well and will break your bind on your life at home. Please consider that.

As being asexual I would advise that a sex therapist is better than any other therapist. They specialize in your issues.

Finally, finding compatibility nowadays is really hard for everyone seeking love. Computer dating is the way forward now. It does work. My daughter met her husband that way. The reason it works is it narrows down to a few very compatible people for you. If you were to try and meet these compatible people, you'd have to meet one thousand to get to the same point.

Here is a few more threads you can google that might help

Beyondblue topic confidence- how do you get it

Beyondblue topic focus and never ever give up

Beyondblue topic being withdrawn to achieving confidence

Repost anytime

TonyWK

[LonelyBoy90]

Thanks for the reply, white knight.

I have considered joining the armed forces, but was rejected due to a birth defect in my spine. Similarly, as a result I'm just not able to meet the minimum fitness requirements for the police or firefighters.

I've been unsuccessful in getting a GP to refer me to anyone but a regular therapist. They don't think I need it. I don't know. If I am asexual then I guess I don't need it, it's just the way I am, right?

Internet dating is how I've been doing things (or window shopping for humans, as I like to call it). Unfortunately, I've had some of the most degrading, physically dangerous and emotionally harmful experiences of my life as a direct result of online dating. It's something I'd ideally like to move away from eventually once I have a more active social life (fingers crossed).

I've read through the posts you mentioned. The one on confidence and being "worldly" is particularly interesting. At least from an always having something to talk about standpoint it seems like a good strategy.

Sorry to be a downer. I know I probably come across as difficult and resistant to help. I really wish I could say these things worked for me. I really appreciate you taking the time to reply to my post. Thank you 🙂

[Nay1]

Hi there

I personally don't think that you have to worry too much regarding love life, I believe it will happen when you least expect it too. You are still so young and you will acquire more situations and opportunities for love. I am just curious regarding your therapy? Do you know any information about schemas? I myself have been visiting my psychologist over the years, and he specialises in schema therapy, so I am wondering if you know what category you may be in? Sometimes, knowing the foundation of how you react towards people can give you a huge insight on how or why you behave the way you do... Just a thought... Maybe beyond blue might have more information or a thread on 'schemas' I know there are 18 different types of schemas, i think there are online tests available too? It might be a good read for you? Let us know how you go, and here's looking towards better days.. Nades