Started University Prac and can't make it through the day without crying

[Archie3]

I have been treated for clinical depression and on medication for over a year now after a major breakdown while working full time. I have been stable and doing well since. I started a Masters of Social Work this year and did excellent going to class, participating in life in general and got great marks. My psychiatrist felt I was doing well and felt that I would do well coping with my placement. This semester I need to do 15 weeks (4 days per week X 8 hour days) on prac + a day at university doing a required course. I got a great prac at a hospital with an amazing supervisor in the area I want to study. The problem is by the end of the day I spend the drive home crying and feeling awful after a great day at work. For the first two days of placement I went to the bathroom throughout the day and cried but I think I was working through nerves and anxiety. I spoke with my supervisor and we arranged a daily to day list so I was always aware of what I needed to do that day and could take it slow as I am only a 1st year student. This worked wonders and I didn't have any more anxiety at work after this. I've tried pacing myself at home and not really doing much to conserve my energy and I have no negative feelings about the prac but even doing simple things like visiting my nephew, washing my work clothes and participating in family dinners is hard. I think my depression is getting worse again. I am exhausted all the time, I am binge eating everyday and for the last few days I have been really sad, crying hysterically for hours at night and this morning I called in sick because I couldn't control my crying for hours and telling myself I wanted to die, couldn't sleep but wanted to and just not wake up. I don't know if I'm just tired and need to rest more during the weekends? My prac is only for another 11 weeks (done 4 already). How can I get through this. I've worked too hard to chuck in the towel.

[Croix]

Dear Archie~

I'm sorry things are so hard for you at the moment, you sound as if the combination of prac, study and home life all taken together is putting too much pressure on you at the moment. It can be very hard indeed when things get out of balance.

I can quite see your point in not wanting to stop doing the prac as you are neatly half way in and the actual prac itself is a good one. I do like the daily to-do list, it sounds as if it has helped considerably, and has also let you know you have a pretty understanding supervisor there.

Can you do something similar for home? May sound silly but if you put in what you have to do and leave out the extras for a few weeks do you think that might take a bit of pressure off?

Actually one of the things I've found is that trying to reduce all background stress as much as possible helps, both with my anxiety and when depressed. The sort of things you would expect, exercise, healthy eating (yes I read what you said, perhaps an organized approach might help) . Generally staying away from things that stress you, in particular things you know have triggered you before. Most importantly taking time to do things you enjoy that give you a mental break - I read and get quite lost in books.

If you are like I have been and worried about suicidal thoughts saying you wanted to die then two things. First realize that help lines are there if things get overwhelming, it is no biggie to use them, I've done so. Secondly set up the free smartphone app BeyondNow (available on this site). This gives you something handy to reach for. You set it up in advance preferably with someone who knows you or perhaps your doctor.

And that leads to the other thing to do. Go back to you doctor and say what is happening, see if your regime can be altered to cover the existing situation.

I'd like to know how you get on, please post again

Croix

[White_Rose]

Dear Archie

Hello and welcome. I think Croix has stolen all my best lines leaving me with little to say other than Croix has it all covered.

I understand how stressful prac placements can be having done this a couple of times. It's a bit like starting a new job where everyone knows where to go and what to do and you have to keep asking. It does get better as you become more familiar with the work.

Ah the binge eating, how easy is it to get into that. And of course it is another reason why you feel you are not coping. If you eat rubbishy stuff there no room left for the good stuff and your body gets tired. But you know this. Can you make a range of snack bits to nibble on between meals? Tell the family these are not for general consumption. Eat some of these foods when feel sad. It's better than takeaways in general and you will still be able to eat 'proper' meals.

There is also a link between eating and feeling sad. The sweet stuff, which is so very tempting, sets up a habit because it easily becomes an addiction. Your body tries to compensate and all sorts of hormones are dragged into the fight. If (or should I say when) I find I am looking for sweet stuff and want nothing else I really need to make an effort to stop eating it. Usually takes about two weeks to get out of the cycle which is as much about habit as desire. Similar story about carbs but not as much of a problem for me. Food for thought.

I think you will find that eating a good diet will resolve some of your need to cry. Truly it is amazing.

Mary

[roadhawk]

dear white rose

the war with-in the cerebral brain, your prowess not quiet steely, at the moment misfiring.

so your writings tells me you keeps pace with dolphins, peter pan and tinker bell, and you,yes you want to save the world,

so the brain, it is open to these sieges because of your fragility and delicate in certain matters;

(((((((you have an elevated intellect.))))))

there is a solution, and that solution is with-in you, although you at the moment are bare foot,

walking over anxiety land mines, through barbed wire crying and in pain and on this forum.

this the direction i would take

if you had a [Child], and you saw the tyranny, your [Childs] mind was going through,

the same pain, what would you say to that child?, given you had the same discomfort long ago.

what would you say?

what is in your minds eye your-self, what would you say to that child, your child?

the one you love so much, and if you were that child, what can you do with camouflaging

anything, also what was the best thing you did as a child,

take care of your beautiful self

[roadhawk]

look i was talking to archie not white rose

sorry