HI I am new to the site, I am 39 yr Female, who has had depression for 14 years (treated any way).. I read so many stories on this site and they could describe my life perfectly.. The one thing that gets me the most, is people, docter's, psychologists, mental health workers, they say hold on to the good thoughts/times to help you get through... I have got to a point in my life that I feel I have nothing to look forward to.. I feel like people who I see for help listen, but dot "Hear" me.. They say medication and life style changes can help, but no of this takes away the looming sadness that is constantly being pushed down inside, only to arise again later. I dont feel if I died tomorrow the world would even notice I was missing.. I as sooo sick of taking pills all the time, although the doctors assure me its the only way..
I have tried suicide several times in the last 4 years along with 2 stays as a involentary patient in a mental health facility.. Knowing other people are suffering the same way dosn't help make me feel better, but I question every day, is this is my life, and this is as good as it gets, I'm not really wanting to stick around any longer to go through the motions, knowing that there is no light at the end of the tunnel.. I have even got to the point I re-searched where I went wrong with previous attempts. and now have a better understanding of how and what drugs work best together to get a proper result.. I used to drink alcohol when I was really sad, but I now feel numb, I don't even want to drink, I just have a overwhelming sense of nothing, no connection, no feeling.. I tried a life line counciller, but although very compassionate, I realised kind word wont change things...I feel like my heart is just, empty, a void I cant fulfill...
