So sad & angry all the time.

[Chocolate_lover]

Yesterday I finally plucked up the courage to go to my gp.

i have been sooooo tired for the last 3-6mo months and I'm constantly finding reasons to be angry at someone, cause it makes more sense then just being angry at nothing or worse still crying over nothing??!! 

It doesn't make sense, it's as if I've forgotten how to be happy, or how to find enjoyment in anything! 

I used to love playing with my kids, now I find excuses not too because I'm scared of what I might feel, why is that ? My kids are the light in my life but I can't smile with them..... That's not logical ???

my hubby says that he can't take my mood for much longer, and I don't blame him, I don't want to be with me why would he?

I'm usually a very logical, light hearted person but last week I went away for work and on my way home on the second day I became overtly anxious that I needed to say goodnight to my kids...... Logically I knew they would be doing their homework and getting ready for bed after their sport activities in the afternoon but it didn't reduce the panic I felt at not hearing them and saying goodnight??? 

I don't understand why I feel this way, I feel I can't speak about it in my small country town because my job is a high stress position which requires me to support highly traumatised people, but I can't go on like this........ I'm sooooo tired all the time and my body aches 80% of the time! I can't find my motivation let alone show some capacity to be an understanding mum/wife. 

[white knight]

Hi Chocky lover,   Welcome here.

How did you go with your GP?  Modern 21st century life can be tense and stressful. Add to that minding children and work, the latter in your case dealing with traumatised people. I think you are expecting too much of yourself.

I suspect a depressive illness is sneaking in.  If so you might need to review your life, your work and your activities.

Your hubby is right- spouses have their limits. Find out the real cause of your feelings and deal with them. Get him on board to help you. You need all the support you can get. Tell him that.

Good luck

[AGrace]

Hi Chocolate Lover,

I have to be honest and say what drew me to your thread was your user name. I am a fellow chocaholic - I can't go a day without it.

I can see WK has asked about the GP appointment. I hope that you get some direction from this in terms of getting some extra support. Please let us know how you get on.

Anger has become my middle name. As a sufferer of Borderline Personality Disorder, I am not only prone to angry outbursts, but also feel emotions at an extreme level, and have an inability to regulate emotions. So when anger shows up it's like wildfire. I guess one of the things I have learnt from so much therapy is that emotions are not fact. Often we feel them so deeply that we begin to believe them and then act in a manner that fits with them. We do however have a choice to recognise the emotion and then not act upon it. I hope you don't mind me suggesting you google therapies like Acceptance and Commitment (ACT), and Mindfulness. ACT is all about accepting feelings, not judging them, not trying to push them away, but also not acting on them. Mindfulness is about bringing awareness to the present, and it has a secondary benefit of creating calm.

I can understand your husband's reaction. I know my partner felt the same way in the beginning. He kind of felt damned if he did and damned if he didn't. Once you have seen your GP, and perhaps started some therapy, it might be worthwhile inviting your husband to a session. That way the therapist can explain what you are going through. In the interim, have you told him everything you are experiencing? You could also try enlisting his help. Men do love to DO things. I get my partner to do things like run a bath for me, put on a mindfulness or meditation cd or app, take me for a walk, or make me a cup of tea when he can see that my mood has deteriorated. It helps him feel useful, and it helps me not to have to think about what I need.

I wanted to ask you if you remember what came first, the fatigue or the anger? Certainly sleep has a huge impact on our mental wellbeing. 

There's also a thread called "Finding Motivation" that might help - try using the search function to find it.

It's possible too that the demands of your job are causing you stress. Is it possible for you to take some time off?

I wanted to finish by reminding you, that this is your illness and not you. You are a wonderful mother and wife. The illness is just impacting on these roles you have.

AGrace

[CMF]

Hi

i eat chocolate everyday too. Dark chocolate, it's better for you 🙂 I have anxiety and depression- long story but I too am always angry. And tired. I refuse to let people help. Sometimes I refuse help so I can be angry at someone for some reason it makes me feel better. I think it makes me feel I'm a better person than them which is silly. That's my own lack of self esteem. I feel more in control if I'm angry and sad. Today I had an ok day but tonight I found myself thinking "hey, don't get too happy". I'm scared the happiness will be taken away. Iron and vitamin d are very very important. Have u had these checked? Look into inositol for anxiety it's a natural sugar. You have kids, you work in a stressful job, you hVe a lot on yr plate. Take care of you and don't be too hard on yourself. Eat red meat cooked rare it has many health benefits.and maybe try some olive leaf extract. I know how you feel. Hope this helps. 

[Aminta]

Hi Chocolate Lover. As soon as I saw your post headline I thought 'yep that sounds like me lately'. Sad about nothing all the time or angry at the drop of a hat. I can relate when you said "my hubby says that he can't take my mood for much longer, and I don't blame him, I don't want to be with me why would he?". I almost pushed my guy too far the other day and it really does come down to how I feel about myself and self hate thanks to depression whipping my *** again. Is this the first time you've felt this way? How'd it go at the GP? Don't be afraid to tell them if a medication isn't working for you. They affect each person differently and unfortunately sometimes you have to try different ones before you find one that helps. Never be scared to seek help from a medical professional. I find medication is the first step but not the only step to getting better.

What you said about your life, your children, being tired. Depression can do that. It can make you feel not like your usual self. It can make you act not like your usual self. It can hurt you and the people around you. I know it all too well. I'm hoping to hear more of your story and how you've been since your last post. Remember the depression IS NOT you and you can overcome it and enjoy life again. I hope you can get the right support and tools to make that happen. If it's your first time suffering it can be especially confusing so hopefully the people here can help shed some light. You are not alone. Let us know how it's going 🙂

[jacjac]

Hi chocolate lover (love the name by the way.)

 I wish i could tell you that eventually the battle ends. That eventually everything is okay and you will feel nothing but happiness. Unfortunately that is not the case. Depression and anxiety is an ongoing battle that never ends. But trust me when i say it is battle worth fighting every single day. 

Even if you don't believe that it is for yourself, believe it for your kids, for your husband, for that little old lady that you see on the street who may be feeling the same things as you, and really all she needed was a smile from a stranger.

Find a reason to get out of bed each day, even if its just to eat that bit of chocolate in the fridge, or even for the thought that later on in the day you'll get to sleep again. Just find anything, and i promise you eventually it'll be that little bit easier to get out of bed, that little bit easier to let happiness into your heart and mind once again.

I believe in you and i am here for you.

Kind regards,

Jacqui

[CMF]

Hi,

Try drinking dandelion tea.  I've just started on it again.  its natural and has many benefits which you can read up on. its good for cleansing the body too. you but it at the supermarket.  Toxins in our bodies can make us feel yucky also.

Dandelion is a very rich source of beta-carotene which we convert into vitamin A. This flowering plant is also rich in vitamin C, fiber, potassium, iron, calcium, magnesium, zinc, and phosphorus. It is a good place to get B complex vitamins, trace minerals, organic sodium, and even vitamin D. Dandelion contains protein too, more than spinach. It has been eaten for thousands of years and used to treat anemia, scurvy, skin problems, blood disorders, and depression.

[FuriousForty]

Hi! Google brought me here.( cool name!) ^_^
Reading your post was like reading about myself.Everyday I wake up in such a prick of a mood. I have no time for anything, people,activities, everything.I wake up furious at my situation, trying to pick a fight with anyone that gets in my line of fire.Being around me is an absolute nightmare.I have Meniere’s Disease which means Im going deaf with a twist..I get to put up with the incessant screams of tinnitus ( high pitch ringing)until I hear no more. But it’s more than that. I’m mad as hell. So I go to my GP and in a timeframe that would have been no more than 20 minutes he diagnoses me as Bi-Polar and prescribes me medication. I’m regional WA so my choices are limited, but gee it would be nice to make sense of this madness. I hope your troubles start to ease, especially during this stressful time of year.