so many feelings at the one time

[ames]

Lately, I have been feeling so many feelings at once, i can't keep up anymore. from being depressed, to being anxious, to feeling so lonely that I can't even handle it anymore. and now the guilt that I have now relapsed. 

I cry every day, struggle to get out of bed in the morning, i need to talk to people but I have no one to talk to. So as a result of everything, i'm just sufficating in my own life, my own body. and I feel there is nothing i can do too help myself.

This is not my first rodeo, but for some reason it just never gets easier. no one understands me, or cares or takes the time to really know how I am feeling, so I just give up, I don't even care anymore.

I am the friend that is always happy, laughing, cheerful and I am always there for everyone, i really care for those I love, and I alway make sure my friends are okay. but then I sit back and think, who makes sure I am okay? who is caring about me? because only 2 people know that I am not the happy and cheerful person that I put on display.

[therising]

Hi ames

Mixed emotions can definitely feel like a form or torture at times, that's for sure. I feel for you so much, given the challenges that can come with so many mixed emotions and the desperation that can be felt in relation to making greater sense of them.

Sensitive people are interesting people. They can sense the need to lead others to develop greater self understanding when there is the need for them to gain it. When they sense the need for extra care, they can work hard in so many caring ways. They can even sense the need to develop themself in order to find new ways to care, in service to others. They can sense painful emotions in others and while sensing the need for great compassion and further insight, will deliver deep compassion, support, an open ear and an open mind. While I consider love to be found in evolution, sensitive people sense the need to actively love in many ways. They are not all talk about love, they actively love. They possess the power to love people back to life through and beyond great struggle.

A 'sensitive' or 'feeler' senses or feels through a spectrum, from light at one end all the way through to dark at the other and everything in between. This is what makes them interesting. How many people do you know who can feel so much, such a range? With a highly sensitive person being able to sense a depressing lack of what they need at times, this could be classed as being able to feel yourself at the dark or depressing end of the spectrum. There's no 'brokenness' or no need for guilt when you have the ability sense or feel where you're at. The question becomes 'How the hell did I get here?'. When you're someone who brings or sheds light for others, there's a need for recharging, so as to keep that light shining bright. Who's charging you up or putting you back in a state of charge you can feel? 'I feel I'm no longer in charge in my life' can have more than one meaning to it. 

If emotion is energy in motion (aka 'e-motion') that can be felt, for a sensitive person it can be like 'Where the heck has all my high energy gone because I just can't feel it and that just feels depressing'. As a sensitive gal myself, I've found a depressing lack of energy, a depressing lack of 'recharge people' in my life and a depressing lack of soulful inspiration to be 3 key factors that will lead me to feel the dark end of the emotional spectrum. A significant lack of things will lead me to that end. One thing that recharges me is comparing notes with other sensitives. For example, when someone says 'You just need to get on with life', you could be left asking 'Am I the only one who feels absolutely no structured plan in that?'. Another sensitive person may respond with 'Nup, you're definitely not alone on that one. I can definitely feel the lack of a solid plan' and then you can laugh together over such 'advice' before setting a plan in motion. Definitely a different experience when you're feeling a lack of a plan alone.