So.... im new and well, pretty lost at mo.

[AjaG]

Its a no brainer really. Have read all the stuff, taken the quizzs and well i feel like crap all the time. Lost all motivation for everything, home, work sport. just cant be bothered. I have zero tolerance for people... all people, im binge eating or fasting and no sleep or to much and recently just burst into tears, at least twice a day, no trigger, no event, bam tears.... any way blah blah blah...see no brainer.

I cant deal with pros i go a bit silly, and i have a really hard time expressing how i feel. they care, i guess.... but to me all i see is fake and nongenuine. see straight through them. Number 35, your up, you have 30secs. right your done, $140 please...next.

To me isolation , being alone is bliss, but unatainable and so it seems it is also feeding into this.

Now im on a forum... but you dont know me and i can switch this off and go on my way, peeps none the wiser, so i guess its the security that is leading me this way to start with.

I know that see a doc / phys will be the intial comments and thx. maybe share with my partner will be another, as you can see i know the answers, im stubborn hey. But i cant bring myself to go to that space. Maybe its my percieved role in my space as a pillar of strength to mt family (then how can i be strong if i dont seek help and stay broken... see i see all that stuff as well)

Maybe over thinking, maybe looking for self assurance, who knows. i know i need help, im self destructing and it will end messed up. Im not suicidal. but it seems depression/anxiety maybe the culperate here.

Maybe typing today will help realise that i need to move forward in this space. I dont want comfort, or pity, or direction or ..... actually i dont know what i really want. maybe to vent, maybe to share, maybe to see my brain on paper and say to myself, your a scientist, you understand this stuff but yet you ignore it.....you idiot.

anyways, as you can see im new here, pretty messed up and on a tough road of discovery and awarness i spose.

[WhiteBear]

Hi AjaG,

Everyone has their own journey. People are way too complex to presume their experiences could be identical. We can only speak from our own experiences. I do agree with you to a certain point regarding professionals that attempt to help. It’s difficult to trust genuine desire to help when money is involved. I also don’t believe we can generalise. A lot of the professional have a strong passion to help others, they also need to live. What you do get from these forums is real people who have managed to overcome some serious challenges in their lives. They offer help from their heart. I know what I went through with depression and anxiety. I’ve discovered some amazing techniques to overcome what I thought were incurable inner mind problems. I thought it was genetics that made me think this way. I was so wrong. We’re born with a particular prominent character trait, everything else has been taught. Only a year ago I discovered what my prominent character trait was. It was fear. I gave into fear at every stage of my life. It completely controlled me. Every decision I made was because I was fearful. My marriage, my job, my friends, my investments, or lack thereof. It was limiting the real me. Fear also created other character traits such as judgement, and lack. Ultimately, I knew I needed to control the fear and then the rest would be corrected. I corrected my fear by using hypnosis and meditation. I then started to realise I had a purpose in life, and there was something guiding me to fulfil that purpose. I wonder what your dominant character trait might be? Lack, Lust, Anger, Frustration, Judgement.
If you’re interested to know more, I would recommend doing a google search on Dr Joe Dispenza, a neuroscientist who believes our thoughts create our destiny. You might resonate with his scientific reasonings.

Regards

WB

[Quercus]

Hi AjaG,

Thank you for deciding to share your thoughts with us.

Did the process of organising then recording your thoughts in writing and then re-reading help you? I'm curious I suppose because I find this method useful.

The honesty in your post made me smile. It isn't an easy thing to admit you doubt you will ask for help. But it is a statement so many people reading will relate to. Often it takes a crisis before we feel able to accept help.

An idea I was hoping you might consider is one I find myself sharing with my husband often. I hope it is ok to share the story.

Like you he is intelligent and self reliant. Hubby knew given how private he is the typical approach to supporting mental health he wouldn't allow. So he researched in depth the treatments, theories etc and has decided which options he IS willing to try and what changes he is willing to put into place.

But (yep always a but)... He didn't act. Like you mentioned, the destructive path was clear and he didn't act. And that is where I come in. I get angry and demand he puts some effort into self care even if it doesn't feel logical to do things like soaking your feet or accepting a massage.

My point... If you can think of anything you're willing to try no matter how small... Try it please. You don't have to try anything you're uncomfortable with. But doing anything to support yourself is better than doing nothing.

The fact that you posted here makes me feel hopeful for you and your family. If you choose to write more I'd be interested to know how you are doing.

Nat